People who can barely afford private should skip it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?

You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.

Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?

I don't wish that life for my child. Do it for yours. I want mine to be balanced well-rounded and successful at life - children/community/friends - the whole package. Grads from these places are by and large not balanced - I know because some of them work for me. Many end up working very long hours at equally competitive jobs - it never ends. No thanks!

Plus, we have a very high HHI and I went to a low-stress flagship Midwest state school.
Because I was able to be top of my class there - probably not possible at Ivy - I had tons of opportunities. I simply don't believe Ivies are the ticket to a better life. If you do, fine. My kids can choose that if they want, but I don't want it for them.

I was responding to a poster that said they were sending their kid to a Big3 private school, but State college. That does not sound like you, because you would not send your kid to a Big3 private school which unless everyone is lying on various other threads...are anxiety-inducing, stressful places.

That was me. Children thrive in smaller nurturing environments. They grow to be strong resilient adults, given the right environment. My kids would be fine at Ivies, but the stress of being there is not worth the reward. What is the reward - a stressful job? Big 3 is whole child nurturing. The stress doesn't come until HS, maybe a tiny bit in MS - my kids exit point from this is graduation, when they are fully developed adults who can handle anything.

It a personal decision, make a different one if that makes sense to you.

You just perhaps are turning a blind eye to how stressful your kid's HS experience will be. I guess that is fine, but the Ivy school will be no different from the HS where you are literally sending your kid right now as we speak. So, again, I don't understand why you keep saying the Ivy school is so stressful, while ignoring the pressure-cooker school where your kids attend right now as we speak.

Not PP, but here’s the difference:

Public school — even the well-regarded districts — have gone so far downhill that it’s scary. Huge class sizes. Equity above all. (I know privates claim to care about equity also, but tell me — how many students at your Big 3 speak no English at all? How many students with major disabilities and behavioral issues are in your child’s classes? Do any kids at your Big 3 struggle with chronic absenteeism or parental DGAF? Imagine having to mainstream all of these kids into the same elementary and middle school classes. Separating kids by ability? Shame on you! That’s so inequitable!)

It’s possible to receive a fantastic education at public universities, and avoid some of the super-entitled, high-stress environment.

Public elementary and middle school? I really have my doubts.

Our kids go to a well regarded public. I switched one kid to private and have a kid who started high school at a well regarded public. Our public has many kids going to top universities every year. These top students would do well anywhere. Because of the pure numbers, the public school has many more talented students and more academic clubs and extracurriculars. The top students all take 15+ APs. Their parents are well educated and most of these kids would be able to afford private.

Our private school kid benefits from smaller class sizes and personalized attention. The teachers aren’t all better than in public. Math in particular seems weaker as does music. Our public school had a talented orchestra and band. Those kids all had outside music instruction.

Re-read what I wrote. I specifically said public elementary and middle schools.

To be clear, I don’t think private has better teachers. But there’s a lot more they can do when: 1. they have FAR fewer students, and 2. the school has weeded out kids living in actual poverty, ELLs, kids with behavioral and truancy issues. Parents that DGAF don’t apply in the first place.

THAT’S the difference.

My kids are/were in the advanced gifted program and there aren’t any kids who can’t speak English. There are many kids who are bilingual or trilingual. We live in a multi million house and we have no kids who live in poverty feeding into our schools.

Our private school has many events for parents. I honestly am pretty exhausted going to these. I’m social and already have a lot of friends. These moms seem to want to get together often. Between school events with kids, school events with heads or teachers, unofficial and official parent meetups, I think it is way too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?

You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.

Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?

I don't wish that life for my child. Do it for yours. I want mine to be balanced well-rounded and successful at life - children/community/friends - the whole package. Grads from these places are by and large not balanced - I know because some of them work for me. Many end up working very long hours at equally competitive jobs - it never ends. No thanks!

Plus, we have a very high HHI and I went to a low-stress flagship Midwest state school.
Because I was able to be top of my class there - probably not possible at Ivy - I had tons of opportunities. I simply don't believe Ivies are the ticket to a better life. If you do, fine. My kids can choose that if they want, but I don't want it for them.

I was responding to a poster that said they were sending their kid to a Big3 private school, but State college. That does not sound like you, because you would not send your kid to a Big3 private school which unless everyone is lying on various other threads...are anxiety-inducing, stressful places.

That was me. Children thrive in smaller nurturing environments. They grow to be strong resilient adults, given the right environment. My kids would be fine at Ivies, but the stress of being there is not worth the reward. What is the reward - a stressful job? Big 3 is whole child nurturing. The stress doesn't come until HS, maybe a tiny bit in MS - my kids exit point from this is graduation, when they are fully developed adults who can handle anything.

It a personal decision, make a different one if that makes sense to you.

You just perhaps are turning a blind eye to how stressful your kid's HS experience will be. I guess that is fine, but the Ivy school will be no different from the HS where you are literally sending your kid right now as we speak. So, again, I don't understand why you keep saying the Ivy school is so stressful, while ignoring the pressure-cooker school where your kids attend right now as we speak.

Not PP, but here’s the difference:

Public school — even the well-regarded districts — have gone so far downhill that it’s scary. Huge class sizes. Equity above all. (I know privates claim to care about equity also, but tell me — how many students at your Big 3 speak no English at all? How many students with major disabilities and behavioral issues are in your child’s classes? Do any kids at your Big 3 struggle with chronic absenteeism or parental DGAF? Imagine having to mainstream all of these kids into the same elementary and middle school classes. Separating kids by ability? Shame on you! That’s so inequitable!)

It’s possible to receive a fantastic education at public universities, and avoid some of the super-entitled, high-stress environment.

Public elementary and middle school? I really have my doubts.

Our kids go to a well regarded public. I switched one kid to private and have a kid who started high school at a well regarded public. Our public has many kids going to top universities every year. These top students would do well anywhere. Because of the pure numbers, the public school has many more talented students and more academic clubs and extracurriculars. The top students all take 15+ APs. Their parents are well educated and most of these kids would be able to afford private.

Our private school kid benefits from smaller class sizes and personalized attention. The teachers aren’t all better than in public. Math in particular seems weaker as does music. Our public school had a talented orchestra and band. Those kids all had outside music instruction.

Re-read what I wrote. I specifically said public elementary and middle schools.

To be clear, I don’t think private has better teachers. But there’s a lot more they can do when: 1. they have FAR fewer students, and 2. the school has weeded out kids living in actual poverty, ELLs, kids with behavioral and truancy issues. Parents that DGAF don’t apply in the first place.

THAT’S the difference.

My kids are/were in the advanced gifted program and there aren’t any kids who can’t speak English. There are many kids who are bilingual or trilingual. We live in a multi million house and we have no kids who live in poverty feeding into our schools.

Our private school has many events for parents. I honestly am pretty exhausted going to these. I’m social and already have a lot of friends. These moms seem to want to get together often. Between school events with kids, school events with heads or teachers, unofficial and official parent meetups, I think it is way too much.

Rich kids can have behavioral issues, too. And special needs. Public schools are dead set on mainstreaming everyone. So yeah, maybe your kid was in the advanced track after a certain point, but the early years are… not great.

(If you have older kids, you may not have lived the problem. It’s those with young kids now who are facing the “equity above all” problem.)