People who can barely afford private should skip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

Everyone knows you’re not paying for an incredible education. You are paying for who they go to school with. Please.

Please. How do you know where my kid is or what kind of an education they’re getting?

But if it makes you feel better: yes, you are correct, there is no private school that offers an incredible education, especially not when compared to the public school available to me, with which you are obviously well-versed. Good job, very insightful. You aren’t missing out on a thing and all your choices are indisputably the right ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

For me it is less about the education and more about the individual focus and opportunities to speak in front of a crowd.

My DD is NT and well above grade level but on the shyer side and would be one of the ones lost in the crowd at public. But at her private she is encouraged/forced to step up and ends up feeling proud of herself. In public I would have had to be the one forcing her, resulting in fights with each other etc. Glad to avoid that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

Who told you that your opinions matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?

You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.

Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?

I don't wish that life for my child. Do it for yours. I want mine to be balanced well-rounded and successful at life - children/community/friends - the whole package. Grads from these places are by and large not balanced - I know because some of them work for me. Many end up working very long hours at equally competitive jobs - it never ends. No thanks!

Plus, we have a very high HHI and I went to a low-stress flagship Midwest state school.
Because I was able to be top of my class there - probably not possible at Ivy - I had tons of opportunities. I simply don't believe Ivies are the ticket to a better life. If you do, fine. My kids can choose that if they want, but I don't want it for them.

I was responding to a poster that said they were sending their kid to a Big3 private school, but State college. That does not sound like you, because you would not send your kid to a Big3 private school which unless everyone is lying on various other threads...are anxiety-inducing, stressful places.

That was me. Children thrive in smaller nurturing environments. They grow to be strong resilient adults, given the right environment. My kids would be fine at Ivies, but the stress of being there is not worth the reward. What is the reward - a stressful job? Big 3 is whole child nurturing. The stress doesn't come until HS, maybe a tiny bit in MS - my kids exit point from this is graduation, when they are fully developed adults who can handle anything.

It a personal decision, make a different one if that makes sense to you.

You just perhaps are turning a blind eye to how stressful your kid's HS experience will be. I guess that is fine, but the Ivy school will be no different from the HS where you are literally sending your kid right now as we speak. So, again, I don't understand why you keep saying the Ivy school is so stressful, while ignoring the pressure-cooker school where your kids attend right now as we speak.

Not PP, but here’s the difference:

Public school — even the well-regarded districts — have gone so far downhill that it’s scary. Huge class sizes. Equity above all. (I know privates claim to care about equity also, but tell me — how many students at your Big 3 speak no English at all? How many students with major disabilities and behavioral issues are in your child’s classes? Do any kids at your Big 3 struggle with chronic absenteeism or parental DGAF? Imagine having to mainstream all of these kids into the same elementary and middle school classes. Separating kids by ability? Shame on you! That’s so inequitable!)

It’s possible to receive a fantastic education at public universities, and avoid some of the super-entitled, high-stress environment.

Public elementary and middle school? I really have my doubts.

[Anonymous]

As public schools continue to be an outdated, substandard, drug infested liberal Mecca that don't prepare kids for the world, you will have more and more interested in school choice and private schools. The screaming unions during the pandemic made it clear they don't care about the kids.
When we wise up and realize just "throwing more money" at the problem isn't working, we will hopefully bankrupt these awful public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?

You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.

Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?

I don't wish that life for my child. Do it for yours. I want mine to be balanced well-rounded and successful at life - children/community/friends - the whole package. Grads from these places are by and large not balanced - I know because some of them work for me. Many end up working very long hours at equally competitive jobs - it never ends. No thanks!

Plus, we have a very high HHI and I went to a low-stress flagship Midwest state school.
Because I was able to be top of my class there - probably not possible at Ivy - I had tons of opportunities. I simply don't believe Ivies are the ticket to a better life. If you do, fine. My kids can choose that if they want, but I don't want it for them.

I was responding to a poster that said they were sending their kid to a Big3 private school, but State college. That does not sound like you, because you would not send your kid to a Big3 private school which unless everyone is lying on various other threads...are anxiety-inducing, stressful places.

That was me. Children thrive in smaller nurturing environments. They grow to be strong resilient adults, given the right environment. My kids would be fine at Ivies, but the stress of being there is not worth the reward. What is the reward - a stressful job? Big 3 is whole child nurturing. The stress doesn't come until HS, maybe a tiny bit in MS - my kids exit point from this is graduation, when they are fully developed adults who can handle anything.

It a personal decision, make a different one if that makes sense to you.

You just perhaps are turning a blind eye to how stressful your kid's HS experience will be. I guess that is fine, but the Ivy school will be no different from the HS where you are literally sending your kid right now as we speak. So, again, I don't understand why you keep saying the Ivy school is so stressful, while ignoring the pressure-cooker school where your kids attend right now as we speak.

Not PP, but here’s the difference:

Public school — even the well-regarded districts — have gone so far downhill that it’s scary. Huge class sizes. Equity above all. (I know privates claim to care about equity also, but tell me — how many students at your Big 3 speak no English at all? How many students with major disabilities and behavioral issues are in your child’s classes? Do any kids at your Big 3 struggle with chronic absenteeism or parental DGAF? Imagine having to mainstream all of these kids into the same elementary and middle school classes. Separating kids by ability? Shame on you! That’s so inequitable!)

It’s possible to receive a fantastic education at public universities, and avoid some of the super-entitled, high-stress environment.

Public elementary and middle school? I really have my doubts.

Our kids go to a well regarded public. I switched one kid to private and have a kid who started high school at a well regarded public. Our public has many kids going to top universities every year. These top students would do well anywhere. Because of the pure numbers, the public school has many more talented students and more academic clubs and extracurriculars. The top students all take 15+ APs. Their parents are well educated and most of these kids would be able to afford private.

Our private school kid benefits from smaller class sizes and personalized attention. The teachers aren’t all better than in public. Math in particular seems weaker as does music. Our public school had a talented orchestra and band. Those kids all had outside music instruction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?

You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.

Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?

I don't wish that life for my child. Do it for yours. I want mine to be balanced well-rounded and successful at life - children/community/friends - the whole package. Grads from these places are by and large not balanced - I know because some of them work for me. Many end up working very long hours at equally competitive jobs - it never ends. No thanks!

Plus, we have a very high HHI and I went to a low-stress flagship Midwest state school.
Because I was able to be top of my class there - probably not possible at Ivy - I had tons of opportunities. I simply don't believe Ivies are the ticket to a better life. If you do, fine. My kids can choose that if they want, but I don't want it for them.

I was responding to a poster that said they were sending their kid to a Big3 private school, but State college. That does not sound like you, because you would not send your kid to a Big3 private school which unless everyone is lying on various other threads...are anxiety-inducing, stressful places.

That was me. Children thrive in smaller nurturing environments. They grow to be strong resilient adults, given the right environment. My kids would be fine at Ivies, but the stress of being there is not worth the reward. What is the reward - a stressful job? Big 3 is whole child nurturing. The stress doesn't come until HS, maybe a tiny bit in MS - my kids exit point from this is graduation, when they are fully developed adults who can handle anything.

It a personal decision, make a different one if that makes sense to you.

You just perhaps are turning a blind eye to how stressful your kid's HS experience will be. I guess that is fine, but the Ivy school will be no different from the HS where you are literally sending your kid right now as we speak. So, again, I don't understand why you keep saying the Ivy school is so stressful, while ignoring the pressure-cooker school where your kids attend right now as we speak.

Not PP, but here’s the difference:

Public school — even the well-regarded districts — have gone so far downhill that it’s scary. Huge class sizes. Equity above all. (I know privates claim to care about equity also, but tell me — how many students at your Big 3 speak no English at all? How many students with major disabilities and behavioral issues are in your child’s classes? Do any kids at your Big 3 struggle with chronic absenteeism or parental DGAF? Imagine having to mainstream all of these kids into the same elementary and middle school classes. Separating kids by ability? Shame on you! That’s so inequitable!)

It’s possible to receive a fantastic education at public universities, and avoid some of the super-entitled, high-stress environment.

Public elementary and middle school? I really have my doubts.

I think it's still possible to mitigate a good of the foolishness in elementary based on what happens at home, middle and high school not so much...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

For me it is less about the education and more about the individual focus and opportunities to speak in front of a crowd.

My DD is NT and well above grade level but on the shyer side and would be one of the ones lost in the crowd at public. But at her private she is encouraged/forced to step up and ends up feeling proud of herself. In public I would have had to be the one forcing her, resulting in fights with each other etc. Glad to avoid that.

Says a lot about you as a parent. Throw money at it lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

For me it is less about the education and more about the individual focus and opportunities to speak in front of a crowd.

My DD is NT and well above grade level but on the shyer side and would be one of the ones lost in the crowd at public. But at her private she is encouraged/forced to step up and ends up feeling proud of herself. In public I would have had to be the one forcing her, resulting in fights with each other etc. Glad to avoid that.

Says a lot about you as a parent. Throw money at it lol.

Stfu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?

You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.

Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?

I don't wish that life for my child. Do it for yours. I want mine to be balanced well-rounded and successful at life - children/community/friends - the whole package. Grads from these places are by and large not balanced - I know because some of them work for me. Many end up working very long hours at equally competitive jobs - it never ends. No thanks!

Plus, we have a very high HHI and I went to a low-stress flagship Midwest state school.
Because I was able to be top of my class there - probably not possible at Ivy - I had tons of opportunities. I simply don't believe Ivies are the ticket to a better life. If you do, fine. My kids can choose that if they want, but I don't want it for them.

I was responding to a poster that said they were sending their kid to a Big3 private school, but State college. That does not sound like you, because you would not send your kid to a Big3 private school which unless everyone is lying on various other threads...are anxiety-inducing, stressful places.

That was me. Children thrive in smaller nurturing environments. They grow to be strong resilient adults, given the right environment. My kids would be fine at Ivies, but the stress of being there is not worth the reward. What is the reward - a stressful job? Big 3 is whole child nurturing. The stress doesn't come until HS, maybe a tiny bit in MS - my kids exit point from this is graduation, when they are fully developed adults who can handle anything.

It a personal decision, make a different one if that makes sense to you.

You just perhaps are turning a blind eye to how stressful your kid's HS experience will be. I guess that is fine, but the Ivy school will be no different from the HS where you are literally sending your kid right now as we speak. So, again, I don't understand why you keep saying the Ivy school is so stressful, while ignoring the pressure-cooker school where your kids attend right now as we speak.

Not PP, but here’s the difference:

Public school — even the well-regarded districts — have gone so far downhill that it’s scary. Huge class sizes. Equity above all. (I know privates claim to care about equity also, but tell me — how many students at your Big 3 speak no English at all? How many students with major disabilities and behavioral issues are in your child’s classes? Do any kids at your Big 3 struggle with chronic absenteeism or parental DGAF? Imagine having to mainstream all of these kids into the same elementary and middle school classes. Separating kids by ability? Shame on you! That’s so inequitable!)

It’s possible to receive a fantastic education at public universities, and avoid some of the super-entitled, high-stress environment.

Public elementary and middle school? I really have my doubts.

Our kids go to a well regarded public. I switched one kid to private and have a kid who started high school at a well regarded public. Our public has many kids going to top universities every year. These top students would do well anywhere. Because of the pure numbers, the public school has many more talented students and more academic clubs and extracurriculars. The top students all take 15+ APs. Their parents are well educated and most of these kids would be able to afford private.

Our private school kid benefits from smaller class sizes and personalized attention. The teachers aren’t all better than in public. Math in particular seems weaker as does music. Our public school had a talented orchestra and band. Those kids all had outside music instruction.

Re-read what I wrote. I specifically said public elementary and middle schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?

You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.

Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?

I don't wish that life for my child. Do it for yours. I want mine to be balanced well-rounded and successful at life - children/community/friends - the whole package. Grads from these places are by and large not balanced - I know because some of them work for me. Many end up working very long hours at equally competitive jobs - it never ends. No thanks!

Plus, we have a very high HHI and I went to a low-stress flagship Midwest state school.
Because I was able to be top of my class there - probably not possible at Ivy - I had tons of opportunities. I simply don't believe Ivies are the ticket to a better life. If you do, fine. My kids can choose that if they want, but I don't want it for them.

I was responding to a poster that said they were sending their kid to a Big3 private school, but State college. That does not sound like you, because you would not send your kid to a Big3 private school which unless everyone is lying on various other threads...are anxiety-inducing, stressful places.

That was me. Children thrive in smaller nurturing environments. They grow to be strong resilient adults, given the right environment. My kids would be fine at Ivies, but the stress of being there is not worth the reward. What is the reward - a stressful job? Big 3 is whole child nurturing. The stress doesn't come until HS, maybe a tiny bit in MS - my kids exit point from this is graduation, when they are fully developed adults who can handle anything.

It a personal decision, make a different one if that makes sense to you.

You just perhaps are turning a blind eye to how stressful your kid's HS experience will be. I guess that is fine, but the Ivy school will be no different from the HS where you are literally sending your kid right now as we speak. So, again, I don't understand why you keep saying the Ivy school is so stressful, while ignoring the pressure-cooker school where your kids attend right now as we speak.

Not PP, but here’s the difference:

Public school — even the well-regarded districts — have gone so far downhill that it’s scary. Huge class sizes. Equity above all. (I know privates claim to care about equity also, but tell me — how many students at your Big 3 speak no English at all? How many students with major disabilities and behavioral issues are in your child’s classes? Do any kids at your Big 3 struggle with chronic absenteeism or parental DGAF? Imagine having to mainstream all of these kids into the same elementary and middle school classes. Separating kids by ability? Shame on you! That’s so inequitable!)

It’s possible to receive a fantastic education at public universities, and avoid some of the super-entitled, high-stress environment.

Public elementary and middle school? I really have my doubts.

I think it's still possible to mitigate a good of the foolishness in elementary based on what happens at home, middle and high school not so much...

I think elementary is where it’s worst. Sitting back, waiting for other kids to catch up (which for many, never happens). Nothing like learning to hate school when you’re so young. 😔

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Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.

I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.

We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.

You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..

I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?

You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.

Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?

I don't wish that life for my child. Do it for yours. I want mine to be balanced well-rounded and successful at life - children/community/friends - the whole package. Grads from these places are by and large not balanced - I know because some of them work for me. Many end up working very long hours at equally competitive jobs - it never ends. No thanks!

Plus, we have a very high HHI and I went to a low-stress flagship Midwest state school.
Because I was able to be top of my class there - probably not possible at Ivy - I had tons of opportunities. I simply don't believe Ivies are the ticket to a better life. If you do, fine. My kids can choose that if they want, but I don't want it for them.

I was responding to a poster that said they were sending their kid to a Big3 private school, but State college. That does not sound like you, because you would not send your kid to a Big3 private school which unless everyone is lying on various other threads...are anxiety-inducing, stressful places.

That was me. Children thrive in smaller nurturing environments. They grow to be strong resilient adults, given the right environment. My kids would be fine at Ivies, but the stress of being there is not worth the reward. What is the reward - a stressful job? Big 3 is whole child nurturing. The stress doesn't come until HS, maybe a tiny bit in MS - my kids exit point from this is graduation, when they are fully developed adults who can handle anything.

It a personal decision, make a different one if that makes sense to you.

You just perhaps are turning a blind eye to how stressful your kid's HS experience will be. I guess that is fine, but the Ivy school will be no different from the HS where you are literally sending your kid right now as we speak. So, again, I don't understand why you keep saying the Ivy school is so stressful, while ignoring the pressure-cooker school where your kids attend right now as we speak.

Not PP, but here’s the difference:

Public school — even the well-regarded districts — have gone so far downhill that it’s scary. Huge class sizes. Equity above all. (I know privates claim to care about equity also, but tell me — how many students at your Big 3 speak no English at all? How many students with major disabilities and behavioral issues are in your child’s classes? Do any kids at your Big 3 struggle with chronic absenteeism or parental DGAF? Imagine having to mainstream all of these kids into the same elementary and middle school classes. Separating kids by ability? Shame on you! That’s so inequitable!)

It’s possible to receive a fantastic education at public universities, and avoid some of the super-entitled, high-stress environment.

Public elementary and middle school? I really have my doubts.

Our kids go to a well regarded public. I switched one kid to private and have a kid who started high school at a well regarded public. Our public has many kids going to top universities every year. These top students would do well anywhere. Because of the pure numbers, the public school has many more talented students and more academic clubs and extracurriculars. The top students all take 15+ APs. Their parents are well educated and most of these kids would be able to afford private.

Our private school kid benefits from smaller class sizes and personalized attention. The teachers aren’t all better than in public. Math in particular seems weaker as does music. Our public school had a talented orchestra and band. Those kids all had outside music instruction.

Re-read what I wrote. I specifically said public elementary and middle schools.

To be clear, I don’t think private has better teachers. But there’s a lot more they can do when: 1. they have FAR fewer students, and 2. the school has weeded out kids living in actual poverty, ELLs, kids with behavioral and truancy issues. Parents that DGAF don’t apply in the first place.

THAT’S the difference.

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

For me it is less about the education and more about the individual focus and opportunities to speak in front of a crowd.

My DD is NT and well above grade level but on the shyer side and would be one of the ones lost in the crowd at public. But at her private she is encouraged/forced to step up and ends up feeling proud of herself. In public I would have had to be the one forcing her, resulting in fights with each other etc. Glad to avoid that.

Says a lot about you as a parent. Throw money at it lol.

Well what is the point of money if you can’t throw it at things?

But yes, I love hearing from my daughter that she presented at the all-school assembly yesterday, she was nervous about it but the teacher helped them practice and taught them techniques to not let stage fright overwhelm them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a lot of anxiety surrounding public vs. private because people in my neighborhood said you "couldn't" send your kids to the public schools, or you had to lottery in to a different school. I didn't have any other basis for judging our zoned schools (other than poor test scores) so I bought into this. Later I learned how test scores are really just a reflection of the SES of a school and I met people who actually had kids in the schools.

Fast forward many years and my kids are thriving in a middle school that was only this year accredited for the first time. I'm very happy we avoided private (didn't have great experiences with private preschool) and have saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations. To be fair, my kids are self-motivated, high-achieving, and neuro-typical. If we weren't being served by public we would certainly explore private.

But man, that anxiety about not providing well enough for my kids was real. It took a lot of introspection to realize it wasn't based on anything concrete.

My 8th grader went to a dance at a private school (definitely not the top tier of privates in our area) and came home talking about all the "rich girls" who were there. I wasn't sure if I should point out that we are richer than most of those people, lol.

Looks like you still have issues with insecurity!

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

+1

Priorities. They're different for everyone