People who can barely afford private should skip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our choices are private, terrible schools, or a long commute. We can barely afford private but our kid is getting a wonderful education (one that blows mine at an “top” public school out of the water) and we’re not spending hours in our cars every day.

This is what works for us. I don’t know why our choices bug other people, but they certainly seem to.

If you didn't try the schools how do you know they are terrible?

I don't need to send my kid to public to know there's drugs and sex in the bathrooms, and no one listens to the teachers.

[Anonymous]

I had a lot of anxiety surrounding public vs. private because people in my neighborhood said you "couldn't" send your kids to the public schools, or you had to lottery in to a different school. I didn't have any other basis for judging our zoned schools (other than poor test scores) so I bought into this. Later I learned how test scores are really just a reflection of the SES of a school and I met people who actually had kids in the schools.

Fast forward many years and my kids are thriving in a middle school that was only this year accredited for the first time. I'm very happy we avoided private (didn't have great experiences with private preschool) and have saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations. To be fair, my kids are self-motivated, high-achieving, and neuro-typical. If we weren't being served by public we would certainly explore private.

But man, that anxiety about not providing well enough for my kids was real. It took a lot of introspection to realize it wasn't based on anything concrete.

My 8th grader went to a dance at a private school (definitely not the top tier of privates in our area) and came home talking about all the "rich girls" who were there. I wasn't sure if I should point out that we are richer than most of those people, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can i afford it? No. But I have an awesome kid who floundered in our very large public MS and is now truly thriving in private. He contributes in many ways to the school community, has excellent grades and great relationships with teachers, is in sports and other extracurriculars, etc. And, yes, we get a good amount of aid.

Congratulations on the aid; it sounds like your kid more than deserves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

Everyone knows you’re not paying for an incredible education. You are paying for who they go to school with. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked in a college admissions office before going to grad school, and I think that a good private school is totally worth it for anyone who can afford it, simply for the admissions boost. It provides a *huge* advantage in the process. The quality of the school plays a big role in the admissions calculation, so that gives private school students a big advantage. The good private schools often have far more AP classes, which also provide a huge boost.

What's your response to this thread?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1116100.page

+1 I am curious too.

Also, how long ago did you work in admissions? I think the traditional connections between private schools and top 25 colleges isn’t what it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

Everyone knows you’re not paying for an incredible education. You are paying for who they go to school with. Please.

Lol. Oh honey. The hubris is palpable. My child is at the top of their class at a boarding school with plenty of extracurricular talent. I don't need you, thanks. I pay for the opportunity the school offers and the ability to attend school with students who care about learning and challenging each other- not disrupting the class.

How tiresome. Even with all the mistakes I've made in my life, it must feel very small to be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are paying for who they go to school with. Please.

We aren't in the 20th century anymore. Do connections still help today? Of course. But they're not nearly as valuable or necessary -- so many other ways to make it or get ahead without knowing the right person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a lot of anxiety surrounding public vs. private because people in my neighborhood said you "couldn't" send your kids to the public schools, or you had to lottery in to a different school. I didn't have any other basis for judging our zoned schools (other than poor test scores) so I bought into this. Later I learned how test scores are really just a reflection of the SES of a school and I met people who actually had kids in the schools.

Fast forward many years and my kids are thriving in a middle school that was only this year accredited for the first time. I'm very happy we avoided private (didn't have great experiences with private preschool) and have saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations. To be fair, my kids are self-motivated, high-achieving, and neuro-typical. If we weren't being served by public we would certainly explore private.

But man, that anxiety about not providing well enough for my kids was real. It took a lot of introspection to realize it wasn't based on anything concrete.

My 8th grader went to a dance at a private school (definitely not the top tier of privates in our area) and came home talking about all the "rich girls" who were there. I wasn't sure if I should point out that we are richer than most of those people, lol.

So you gave your children a lesser education so you could have a second home? You must be very proud of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our choices are private, terrible schools, or a long commute. We can barely afford private but our kid is getting a wonderful education (one that blows mine at an “top” public school out of the water) and we’re not spending hours in our cars every day.

This is what works for us. I don’t know why our choices bug other people, but they certainly seem to.

If you didn't try the schools how do you know they are terrible?

I don't need to send my kid to public to know there's drugs and sex in the bathrooms, and no one listens to the teachers.

…And metal detectors at the doors. Nothing sets the tone for learning like starting with a scan and a pat down!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they should.

But so many people make poor financial choices. This is just one of many.

lmao yes, the best education and opportunities for my child is the poor financial decision while your new closet of shoes is a good one. Financial literacy at its finest.

Oh come on - like pp you could have “saved the money for other things, like a second home and vacations”!

I’ll never be sorry that I traded a second home and vacations for an incredible education for my kid.

Everyone knows you’re not paying for an incredible education. You are paying for who they go to school with. Please.

Lol. Oh honey. The hubris is palpable. My child is at the top of their class at a boarding school with plenty of extracurricular talent. I don't need you, thanks. I pay for the opportunity the school offers and the ability to attend school with students who care about learning and challenging each other- not disrupting the class.

How tiresome. Even with all the mistakes I've made in my life, it must feel very small to be you.

My DC is at boarding school; the education, sports, arts, and extracurricular opportunities are even stronger than the top private he attended locally. We are more than happy to pay for his educational experience. His cousins go to a highly rated public, and his school far exceeds theirs.

[Anonymous]

People should make the best of it they can. We are fortunate to afford private for our kids and it’s worth it. But it just isn’t an option for many parents who are ALSO doing the very best they can for their children—and I imagine that a good number of those public schools kids will do just fine if not better than my own kids (notwithstanding what I think we have in a superior school experience by many metrics). And that’s a decidedly good thing for our society.

[Anonymous]

I agree w the OP here. We applied to privates for HS but it would have been a stretch. They are at SWW instead and I feel comfortable that they will do as well there as the privates they would have otherwise attended. We have been putting much of what would have gone to hs tuition to boost their college savings fund and I feel a lot better about that decision.

I get how agonizing it can be and it is important to be content with one's choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are far more middle class students at these expensive privates than there are genuinely low-income students on full aid, and middle class families DO move to get into better publics.

So we ARE talking about families with decent publics who choose to significantly dent their lifestyle and/or savings for privates. I know multiple families like this: the common denominator for all these parents is that "grass is always greener", and they crystallize all the little disappointments they feel about their kids' development and school experience into this idea that if only they go to X School, everything will be fixed. And then everything doesn't get fixed, but they rationalize their choice to themselves and convince themselves that it would never have worked at the previous school. We all do this when making important choices, BTW, this is not a criticism! It's an observation.

I live in a nice area close to DC where families are evenly split on public vs private attendance. The public schools are great. Two things I've noticed:
1. Kids with ADHD (and other not-too-severe issues) are often placed in private settings before parents realize that the public wasn't the problem, it was their kid who needed a neuropsychological evaluation and treatment. My kid with high-functioning autism was evaluated, given services and stayed in public.
2. Movement to private during virtual learning in public. For older teens, it made sense to pluck struggling ones out of public and let them finish their high school education in private. But parents with younger kids who did this are now in it for years of tuition payments, to fix a very temporary problem.

I'm a product of private schools (never went to public), and when I lived abroad, I placed my kids in international private schools. I'm not an enemy of privates, not at all! But I want to build generational wealth, and it's disconcerting to see friends and acquaintances spend their hard-earned money on privates, when their kids would do just as well in their decent neighborhood public, and they could invest their dollars to hoist themselves out of the middle class.

It's 'disconcerting' that other people have different priorities than you. That sounds very insecure. You realize they are marching toward a different goal and that's ok. Does it make you question your decision to value money over education?

Money is easily lost; an education not so much.

Very well said.

+1. Add in an incredible, safe, loving community where the whole family has made life long friends and the learning is top notch. Not everyone may need this, but our family did.