Any Parents Privately Disappointed with College Placement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 15:22, do you have any idea what the "average" kid who got into Princeton had going for him? Was it a "passion"?

The Princeton kid was nice, pretty smart, not particularly athletic and with interests, but not passions. It surprised many of his classmates' parents that year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 15:22, do you have any idea what the "average" kid who got into Princeton had going for him? Was it a "passion"?

The Princeton kid was nice, pretty smart, not particularly athletic and with interests, but not passions. It surprised many of his classmates' parents that year.

Perhaps it was his recommendations.

[Anonymous]

American students -your great kids- are no longer competing with only a narrow swath of privileged prep school grads. There are more than 6 billion people on the planet, and your child is completing with some fraction of the 16-20 years olds among them. If you are determined to think that your child is 1) a failure or 2) unfairly "shut out" of less than 10 desired colleges, you are very out of luck.
If you think your fabulous child is one of the luckiest people in the history of the human population on earth because they will go to a great college, which you can probably pay for, and have lots of great experiences and choices and opportunities in their lives, your child is not out of luck at all. If you are going to teach you child to be unhappy when faced with a life that involves more comforts and opportunities than most royalty in history has had, then yes, your child is out of luck because they will never enjoy all the gifts they have. Lest you think I am preaching from some high cloud, I was ready to throttle my own kid this week, when she complained about how hot it was while visiting someone without air-conditioning. How do you think most of the people in the world live? Not like us. Don't let your kid be "out of luck." Let your kid know they are lucky beyond most people's wildest dreams, and to run as far as they can with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my question. What if your kid is not in the top 10% at these top private schools? My daughter is a terrific student, but there are at least 10-20 equally smart strivers in her class at a Big 3.

And all of them will get into great colleges. Maybe just not their or your first choice but some place where they can get an amazing education and meet people who will be their friends from life. The disappointment comes when people fixate on the one (or the Big 3) school that means everything to them. There are just no guarantees at that level. But it's pretty darned reliable that terrific students from well-regarded high schools get to go to excellent colleges. Their HS educations and achievements are by no means irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

To the poster who said her daughter had about 10-20 similar students -- does your daughter go to an all-girl's school? I know there are so many smart/accomplished girls at all of the single-sexed schools. Your daughter can do something to stand out...write a play, start a charity...donate tons of clothes to churches in Haiti. It has to be something very original. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

To the poster who said there were 10 to 20 similarly accomplished girls in her daughter's class, I would say that the girls only seem similarly excellent on the surface. In their college applications, the special ones will stand out. It could be your daughter's passion for something, or her disinguishing gift or talent, or her outstanding essays, or her stellar recommendations.

[Anonymous]

you're dreaming pp or not familiar with the very stellar set of students at the top privates. I would bet all 20 are superstars.

[Anonymous]

As others have noted you also need to look outside the tiny world of one school. There probably are 10-20 other great similar applicants at one school. there are probably hundreds in NW DC, and thousands in the US (and as someone pointed out vast numbers globally). We went to the AU college fair for private schools this spring and my DD looked around the room and commented that the whole gym was filled with people who looked just like her, probably had a similar leadership, athletic, grade profile, etc. On the other hand there are plenty of great schools with admit rates between 25% and 50% so some of this is about being realistic. It is not realistic to assume that with a 7% admit rate all qualified applicants are going to get into Harvard.

The Sidwell thing is interesting. I was at a graduation party last month and people were still bent out of shape about admissions. One parent commented that her kid (shut out of ivies) was going to college X - which she hadn't heard of until he applied. Clearly not happy. I dont think it's about the money necessarily, but it's about all the work that's gone into making these kids perfect college applicants - NIH internships, summer service in Nicaragua, summer studies at Stanford, SAT prep, tutors, personal trainers, whatever - and then being disappointed with the results. Hopefully all those activities were useful along the way but in some cases I am not so sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you're dreaming pp or not familiar with the very stellar set of students at the top privates. I would bet all 20 are superstars.

No, you are wrong about my dreaming. I am an alumna interviewer for my college, and I can assure you that those 20 girls are not all equally excellent or equally appealing as college appllicants.

[Anonymous]

You didn't go to an Ivy pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't go to an Ivy pp.

You're wrong again, but I'm not taking your bait. I prefer not to tell for which college I interview. Keep thinking what you like about college admissions. I know better but do not need to convince you. I posted only because I wanted the mother of the girl who she said had 10 to 20 girls in her class as accomplished as she to know that how she sees it as a parent is probably not how the adcom would see it if the applicants' individual files were being considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have noted you also need to look outside the tiny world of one school. There probably are 10-20 other great similar applicants at one school. there are probably hundreds in NW DC, and thousands in the US (and as someone pointed out vast numbers globally). We went to the AU college fair for private schools this spring and my DD looked around the room and commented that the whole gym was filled with people who looked just like her, probably had a similar leadership, athletic, grade profile, etc. On the other hand there are plenty of great schools with admit rates between 25% and 50% so some of this is about being realistic. It is not realistic to assume that with a 7% admit rate all qualified applicants are going to get into Harvard.

The Sidwell thing is interesting. I was at a graduation party last month and people were still bent out of shape about admissions. One parent commented that her kid (shut out of ivies) was going to college X - which she hadn't heard of until he applied. Clearly not happy. I dont think it's about the money necessarily, but it's about all the work that's gone into making these kids perfect college applicants - NIH internships, summer service in Nicaragua, summer studies at Stanford, SAT prep, tutors, personal trainers, whatever - and then being disappointed with the results. Hopefully all those activities were useful along the way but in some cases I am not so sure.

Parents have very high expectations for Ivies. When it doesn't work, their disappointment rubs off on the kid, who ends up feeling like crap even though they end up going to some non-Ivy but still amazing place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have noted you also need to look outside the tiny world of one school. There probably are 10-20 other great similar applicants at one school. there are probably hundreds in NW DC, and thousands in the US (and as someone pointed out vast numbers globally). We went to the AU college fair for private schools this spring and my DD looked around the room and commented that the whole gym was filled with people who looked just like her, probably had a similar leadership, athletic, grade profile, etc. On the other hand there are plenty of great schools with admit rates between 25% and 50% so some of this is about being realistic. It is not realistic to assume that with a 7% admit rate all qualified applicants are going to get into Harvard.

The Sidwell thing is interesting. I was at a graduation party last month and people were still bent out of shape about admissions. One parent commented that her kid (shut out of ivies) was going to college X - which she hadn't heard of until he applied. Clearly not happy. I dont think it's about the money necessarily, but it's about all the work that's gone into making these kids perfect college applicants - NIH internships, summer service in Nicaragua, summer studies at Stanford, SAT prep, tutors, personal trainers, whatever - and then being disappointed with the results. Hopefully all those activities were useful along the way but in some cases I am not so sure.

I think the college admissions officers can spot these kind of "packaged" applicants - despite their ccomplishments they're a dime a dozen. That Nicaragaua stuff just lacks authenticity and the admissions people can smell it a mile away.

[Anonymous]

I agree with that...schools can see some of the packaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have noted you also need to look outside the tiny world of one school. There probably are 10-20 other great similar applicants at one school. there are probably hundreds in NW DC, and thousands in the US (and as someone pointed out vast numbers globally). We went to the AU college fair for private schools this spring and my DD looked around the room and commented that the whole gym was filled with people who looked just like her, probably had a similar leadership, athletic, grade profile, etc. On the other hand there are plenty of great schools with admit rates between 25% and 50% so some of this is about being realistic. It is not realistic to assume that with a 7% admit rate all qualified applicants are going to get into Harvard.

The Sidwell thing is interesting. I was at a graduation party last month and people were still bent out of shape about admissions. One parent commented that her kid (shut out of ivies) was going to college X - which she hadn't heard of until he applied. Clearly not happy. I dont think it's about the money necessarily, but it's about all the work that's gone into making these kids perfect college applicants - NIH internships, summer service in Nicaragua, summer studies at Stanford, SAT prep, tutors, personal trainers, whatever - and then being disappointed with the results. Hopefully all those activities were useful along the way but in some cases I am not so sure.

I think the college admissions officers can spot these kind of "packaged" applicants - despite their ccomplishments they're a dime a dozen. That Nicaragaua stuff just lacks authenticity and the admissions people can smell it a mile away.

NP. In my daughter's graduating class a few of girls who were admitted at Ivy leagues and Stanford attended summer programs offered by the school's prior to senior year and were admitted EA. They didn't have top grades/SAT scores. Perhaps, they appeared to have a higher interest in the schools after paying for, attending, and excelling at 4-8 week long summer college programs.