Expecting people to help you move in your forties?

[Anonymous]

PP here. BIL eventually did pay the movers. We always pay for everything so BIL just expected us to pay for his movers too. BIL is a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

“ANGTFT!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a trade-off - BIL commits to weekend of yard work at your house or does the oil changes and car washes for your cars for the summer and DH helps with the move.

Or do what most normal human beings would do. Be generous and know that your BIL will reciprocate when the time comes.

I don't know if you've ever known people like this but they won't reciprocate. They'll play the family card when it's convenient and are totally self-interested when it's not.

The whole "what weekend can you come over to help move boxes" versus "would you mind helping us move, we'd really appreciate it" gives it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Am I alone in thinking that by your forties, you should be willing to hire professional movers, especially if you have a professional job? Is it wrong that I find this expectation to help annoying? There’s no good way of politely declining with an excuse when someone says - we’ve taking 3 weeks in June to move, which weekend do you want to help run boxes over to the new house? I can’t exactly say I’m busy all day every weekend for 3 weeks.

Not if they are family or good friends. Of course I would help. But if you can't be bothered, which is fine but whatever, you just say I have a lot going on and won't be able to commit at this time.

[Anonymous]

At age 50 I would help someone close to me.

Not to haul but to pack, make decisions, take the stress off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Am I alone in thinking that by your forties, you should be willing to hire professional movers, especially if you have a professional job? Is it wrong that I find this expectation to help annoying? There’s no good way of politely declining with an excuse when someone says - we’ve taking 3 weeks in June to move, which weekend do you want to help run boxes over to the new house? I can’t exactly say I’m busy all day every weekend for 3 weeks.

Not if they are family or good friends. Of course I would help. But if you can't be bothered, which is fine but whatever, you just say I have a lot going on and won't be able to commit at this time.

No wrong answer. You say to your family member you are over 40 and employed. Hire a mover or do it yourself. I am not coming to move your stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Am I alone in thinking that by your forties, you should be willing to hire professional movers, especially if you have a professional job? Is it wrong that I find this expectation to help annoying? There’s no good way of politely declining with an excuse when someone says - we’ve taking 3 weeks in June to move, which weekend do you want to help run boxes over to the new house? I can’t exactly say I’m busy all day every weekend for 3 weeks.

Not if they are family or good friends. Of course I would help. But if you can't be bothered, which is fine but whatever, you just say I have a lot going on and won't be able to commit at this time.

No wrong answer. You say to your family member you are over 40 and employed. Hire a mover or do it yourself. I am not coming to move your stuff.

DP. You can say that. I don't think anyone should feel compelled to help someone move if they don't want to. But this thread has made it clear that some people don't mind and don't consider it weird to ask, so if anything this has proved that you might as well ask because some people might want to help.

And among the people who don't want to help, many of them may do so anyway because of some weird condition they have where they can't say no to these requests? I don't get it (I say no to requests all the time) but that's a boon for people who don't want to pay for movers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP?

Lol yes. He’s spent two weekend days helping them so far with one more to come. I knew it would turn out this way. And no my BIL did not buy any food or drinks for helpers. Also to answer other questions: no my BIL did not help us move in our early twenties. He was probably too busy with high school sports or social life. Since then, we e hired our own movers.

DH comes home complaining about all his muscle aches and pains and it’s all I can do to not say “I told you so.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Am I alone in thinking that by your forties, you should be willing to hire professional movers, especially if you have a professional job? Is it wrong that I find this expectation to help annoying? There’s no good way of politely declining with an excuse when someone says - we’ve taking 3 weeks in June to move, which weekend do you want to help run boxes over to the new house? I can’t exactly say I’m busy all day every weekend for 3 weeks.

Not if they are family or good friends. Of course I would help. But if you can't be bothered, which is fine but whatever, you just say I have a lot going on and won't be able to commit at this time.

No wrong answer. You say to your family member you are over 40 and employed. Hire a mover or do it yourself. I am not coming to move your stuff.

Then don't. But if you never help me out, then don't expect anything from me, movers or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Am I alone in thinking that by your forties, you should be willing to hire professional movers, especially if you have a professional job? Is it wrong that I find this expectation to help annoying? There’s no good way of politely declining with an excuse when someone says - we’ve taking 3 weeks in June to move, which weekend do you want to help run boxes over to the new house? I can’t exactly say I’m busy all day every weekend for 3 weeks.

Of course you can. You've made other plans. Plans with the TV. Plans with the lawn. Plans with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s my BIL and SIL. Can’t politely decline or say I’m unavailable. It’s frustrating because I know they can afford to hire movers, they’re just too cheap and would rather rely in free help from family and friends.

It’s my husband’s younger brother so he’s spending all day there helping him when we have shit we need to get done here to prepare for the work week.

I got this far. If your DH wants to spend one of his Saturday's helping them that's his business. Tell DH anything you'd need his help with on that day, you'd appreciate if he could do whatever that is in advance. Outside of that, you're free and clear. I would tell them "I can't help you move but DH will be there Saturday the 5th! Can't wait to see the new place".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP?

Lol yes. He’s spent two weekend days helping them so far with one more to come. I knew it would turn out this way. And no my BIL did not buy any food or drinks for helpers. Also to answer other questions: no my BIL did not help us move in our early twenties. He was probably too busy with high school sports or social life. Since then, we e hired our own movers.

DH comes home complaining about all his muscle aches and pains and it’s all I can do to not say “I told you so.”

Ok, that would be enough to guarantee he wouldn't see me on the last weekend. Who doesn't buy food/drinks for their moving helpers, age aside? Your BIL/SIL suck.

[Anonymous]

I hate this and have never offered any help. I try and have always tried to make sure people don’t ask for my help by not asking them.

Yet, I have been asked multiple times for help but I have always given an excuse and soften the blow by offering some other type of help - e.g: two times I offered the use of my SUV (not driving though), another time I offered to babysit the baby while the moving was in progress, and another time I offered to have their pets in my home during the move as well.

But help with the move itself? No way!

[Anonymous]

Say your back or hurting or your ankle or whatever else. Aging is real! (I am also 40 and so easily hurt my shoulder etc these days.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP?

Lol yes. He’s spent two weekend days helping them so far with one more to come. I knew it would turn out this way. And no my BIL did not buy any food or drinks for helpers. Also to answer other questions: no my BIL did not help us move in our early twenties. He was probably too busy with high school sports or social life. Since then, we e hired our own movers.

DH comes home complaining about all his muscle aches and pains and it’s all I can do to not say “I told you so.”

Ok, that would be enough to guarantee he wouldn't see me on the last weekend. Who doesn't buy food/drinks for their moving helpers, age aside? Your BIL/SIL suck.

How could they not feed the moving helpers? If your DH was there, it surely bumped into a meal time.