Expecting people to help you move in your forties?

[Anonymous]

No, I’m able to do that is a complete answer.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to do anything other than laugh and say, "I'm too old for that." I've said it in the past and will say it in the future if asked again. The ONLY exception I would make is if the person/family is struggling and cannot afford to hire movers. I would suck it up and help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s my BIL and SIL. Can’t politely decline or say I’m unavailable. It’s frustrating because I know they can afford to hire movers, they’re just too cheap and would rather rely in free help from family and friends.

It’s my husband’s younger brother so he’s spending all day there helping him when we have shit we need to get done here to prepare for the work week.

Your husband problem is bigger than your in-law problem.

Do you guys never do anything other than prepare for the upcoming week? What happens if one of you has a social event or a sporting event or a work event? Presumably either that person gets their stuff done another time or the other person picks up the slack.

If I'm going out of town for the weekend with my girlfriends, then my husband does 100% of the stuff around the house, with the kids, and with the dogs. It's all on him. Same for when he goes out of town. If he was going to spend the day helping his brother move (which I agree, is ridiculous once you're 30 and older), then I'd pick up the slack because he'd do the same when I spent the day doing something with my sister.

If your husband using this as an excuse to get out of doing whatever your weekend chores are and he wouldn't do the same for you, then that's where your problem lies. Not with immature BIL/SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry, I don’t help with moving. Can I drop by with lunch?”

Why does she need to drop by with lunch? DH is helping them. You don’t need to RSVP, OP. Say nothing.

Because she's a decent human being. It's family and moving is stressful. If she likes her BIL/SIL, it's a nice gesture to stop by with lunch when they are moving.

I think the issue is BIL's sense of entitlement to OP's time.

If my friends were moving and didn't expect my help I would totally order lunch or dinner for them to help the day go smoother.

But if my in-laws asked me which weekend(s) I was going to help them move I'd say none and be done with the matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously I’m not moving boxes but I could not imagine saying I can’t help unpack the kitchen 1 weekend day or not let my H do what he wants because I feel jealous he’s spending time with his sibling.

Btw, if your over 40 why not hire someone to do the chores at your house you need done?

OP should hire someone to work at her house so she can go unpack her BIL’s house?
I can’t figure if you’re trolling or just dumb.

Nope just pointing out how stupid it is that she won't let her H spend time with his brother/sister.

[Anonymous]

If you are willing to do non-moving/physical jobs, then volunteer that
"I'm not willing to help move furniture or heavy objects, but if there are other tasks I can help with, I'll stop by when I'm available."

If you are not, then "I'm sorry, but I can't help with your move."

[Anonymous]

Any update OP?

[Anonymous]

How about “No”.

[Anonymous]

If it was my brother I would say “really? You can’t afford movers?” And address it directly. If it was my bil I would let my spouse deal with it. If it was an aquaintess i would say “sorry, I have a bad back”.

[Anonymous]

In my late 20s i moved in and out of a fifth floor walk-up on my own. Would not recommend.

[Anonymous]

Having recently moved, any little bit of help is immensely helpful. Yes, people can still hire movers but you might not have it all packed when the movers come. Movers may only do the furniture and heavy things but it would be nice to have someone help move breakables and things you don't want getting ruined or lost by movers.

[Anonymous]

My BIL asked DH and he said he wasn’t available. He also asked DH’s friend and the friend said yes. At an event, friend’s wife center and was obviously annoyed. Friend didn’t want to but felt bad saying no.

DH told BIL to hire movers and that they were too old for this. BIL ended up getting a bunch of furniture from our house and when the movers billed him, he thought DH would pay since he suggested the movers in the first place. WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL asked DH and he said he wasn’t available. He also asked DH’s friend and the friend said yes. At an event, friend’s wife center and was obviously annoyed. Friend didn’t want to but felt bad saying no.

DH told BIL to hire movers and that they were too old for this. BIL ended up getting a bunch of furniture from our house and when the movers billed him, he thought DH would pay since he suggested the movers in the first place. WTF.

Did you post this here before? Your last paragraph sounds strangely familiar. It annoyed me then and it annoys me now. BIL wanted DH to pay? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL asked DH and he said he wasn’t available. He also asked DH’s friend and the friend said yes. At an event, friend’s wife center and was obviously annoyed. Friend didn’t want to but felt bad saying no.

DH told BIL to hire movers and that they were too old for this. BIL ended up getting a bunch of furniture from our house and when the movers billed him, he thought DH would pay since he suggested the movers in the first place. WTF.

Your family has major communication issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BIL asked DH and he said he wasn’t available. He also asked DH’s friend and the friend said yes. At an event, friend’s wife center and was obviously annoyed. Friend didn’t want to but felt bad saying no.

DH told BIL to hire movers and that they were too old for this. BIL ended up getting a bunch of furniture from our house and when the movers billed him, he thought DH would pay since he suggested the movers in the first place. WTF.

Did you post this here before? Your last paragraph sounds strangely familiar. It annoyed me then and it annoys me now. BIL wanted DH to pay? WTF?

Haha yes, I did. I didn’t write that it was my BIL. I said we have furniture away and was asked to pay the moving bill. Eventually I wrote it was my BIL.