NOT redshirting an August birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son has a late August birthday, and we are planning to enroll him in PK3 next year. He is very verbal and seems to be enjoying his current full-time daycare. I hadn't even considered holding him back until a few people asked me about it, and I see it mentioned here all the time. Are there specific things people look for when deciding to hold a kid (boys, especially) back? He's only 2.5 so there's only so much I can "judge" him on at this point haha but want to be sure I'm not missing or considering something. Thanks!

if you're in dc I hope you've already applied for the lottery, deadline is March 1 for pk3.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

You cannot make a child more mature by changing their grade. Maturity is by age, not grade.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

You cannot make a child more mature by changing their grade. Maturity is by age, not grade.

And kids can be more or less mature than peers of the same age. What is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Parent of multiple older teens here who didn’t redshirt here. I have seen this, but only from and between the mean and unpopular kids nobody liked anyhow. I guess they learned it from their parents. It’s irrelevant to kids with good parents.

This is clearly from a red shirter. How are those grapes, are they sour?

No, I didn’t redshirt. But you are certainly doing an excellent job of demonstrating that parents like you aren’t good parents, and they raise badly socialized little bullies the other kids dislike. Shrug. As you say, the truth hurts, I suppose. That’s why you have to believe I redshirted — because I identified the truth, which is that you are a poor parent with kids who behave badly to others.

It’s just not a thing otherwise, and the rest of the kids learn quickly which kids to avoid. Sorry that is your kid, I guess. Maybe work on that instead of focusing on other people’s kids?

You could not be farther from the truth. Again, sorry that learning what other people actually think about you is making you feel upset. I suggest therapy.

Oh honey. I’m really sorry you are such a spectacularly bad parent. That’s why you are lashing out at the better parents, including those who didn’t redshirt.

You can take a parenting class, you know. They might be able to help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

A lot going on in this comment.

1. A 12 year old in high school is a different deal. That's a kid who is not even through puberty going to school with kids who are mostly done with puberty. Huge difference, of course they seemed immature. It's not the subject of the thread.

2. Redshirting does not help kids mature. It might help place a child in a more appropriate cohort for their maturity level, but since we're talking entirely about summer birthdays, they are likely to be an outlier no matter what. Either on the mature side for their grade or on the immature side for their grade. Just based on age of course. Redshirting doesn't "solve" this. It's just the reality of being a summer birthday.

3. The point PPs are trying to make is that redshirting may not resolve your issue if you are just worried about your kid being an outlier. In fact, it might make them more of an outlier, because if they are visibly older than the rest of their class, that might call attention to itself.

4. Also, maturity doesn't track perfectly with the MONTH a kid was born, and the older kids get, the less it tracks. Plenty of kids with summer birthdays are as mature if not more so than kids with birthdays during the school year.

5. Which is why many people are suggesting that redshirting for the hell of it is a mistake, and that peopel should only redshirt if there is a delay of some kind which an extra year of PK would help with, including a social maturity delay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

You cannot make a child more mature by changing their grade. Maturity is by age, not grade.

Well if someone is immature for their age e.g. a 5 y.o that has the maturity level of a four year old - they will not seem immature in a group of 4 year olds. They will seem immature in a group of five year olds. Thus while redshirting does not help them be more mature for their age it helps them by making their lack if maturity invisible in a younger age cohort. The red shirted kid will not seem immature in the younger cohort and fit better in with younger peers.

The kids who skip a grade or two May not be immature for their age but will seem immature in a cohort of kids 2 years older than they are (like the 12 year olds in ninth grade)

[Anonymous]

Why are DCUMs anti-redshirters consistently so crazy and unhinged? They are one of the weirdest subgroups on DCUM for sure.

I love these threads for the quality entertainment value the anti-redshirters provide, but I’ve never been able to figure out exact why they are so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

You cannot make a child more mature by changing their grade. Maturity is by age, not grade.

Well if someone is immature for their age e.g. a 5 y.o that has the maturity level of a four year old - they will not seem immature in a group of 4 year olds. They will seem immature in a group of five year olds. Thus while redshirting does not help them be more mature for their age it helps them by making their lack if maturity invisible in a younger age cohort. The red shirted kid will not seem immature in the younger cohort and fit better in with younger peers.

The kids who skip a grade or two May not be immature for their age but will seem immature in a cohort of kids 2 years older than they are (like the 12 year olds in ninth grade)

Possibly. Though it can depend on their physical maturity, too. One fear I have with redshirting, especially if you do it in a school where it's not common, is that eventually your 5 year old will be 13, and being a full year ahead of peers during puberty can be incredibly hard. Just throwing that out there. I think it's especially hard for girls but some boys are also pretty uncomfortable being the outlier.

I'd also note that one reason people dislike redshirting is that they don't want their kids to be in middle school with 14 year olds just because that 14 year old's parents though he was too small or young to attend Kindergarten on time.

There are good reasons to keep the vast majority of kids with an age cohort where the age is consistently within a 12 month span, so that they hit physical and maturity milestones at roughly the same time. If a child is significantly advanced or delayed outside the normal range of development for that 12 month span, that's an argument for redshirting or skipping a grade. But doing it as a matter of course really messes with the dynamics of the grade. And doing it selfishly to get your kid an advantage is honestly just unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are DCUMs anti-redshirters consistently so crazy and unhinged? They are one of the weirdest subgroups on DCUM for sure.

I love these threads for the quality entertainment value the anti-redshirters provide, but I’ve never been able to figure out exact why they are so weird.

Because they don't want their kids in the same grade with a bunch of kids who are over a year older, for a variety of reasons. I don't know why this is so hard for you to figure out. Redshirting impacts the makeup of the class, and people want their kids in a class with same age kids. This is not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

A lot going on in this comment.

1. A 12 year old in high school is a different deal. That's a kid who is not even through puberty going to school with kids who are mostly done with puberty. Huge difference, of course they seemed immature. It's not the subject of the thread.

2. Redshirting does not help kids mature. It might help place a child in a more appropriate cohort for their maturity level, but since we're talking entirely about summer birthdays, they are likely to be an outlier no matter what. Either on the mature side for their grade or on the immature side for their grade. Just based on age of course. Redshirting doesn't "solve" this. It's just the reality of being a summer birthday.

3. The point PPs are trying to make is that redshirting may not resolve your issue if you are just worried about your kid being an outlier. In fact, it might make them more of an outlier, because if they are visibly older than the rest of their class, that might call attention to itself.

4. Also, maturity doesn't track perfectly with the MONTH a kid was born, and the older kids get, the less it tracks. Plenty of kids with summer birthdays are as mature if not more so than kids with birthdays during the school year.

5. Which is why many people are suggesting that redshirting for the hell of it is a mistake, and that peopel should only redshirt if there is a delay of some kind which an extra year of PK would help with, including a social maturity delay.

I think there is only one PP making the same tired argument over and over again without success. If it’s such a mistake surely you have some data to back it up, lets see it. Because I don’t know a single person who regrets it. No matter how many different ways people try to make the ineffectual arguments with no facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are DCUMs anti-redshirters consistently so crazy and unhinged? They are one of the weirdest subgroups on DCUM for sure.

I love these threads for the quality entertainment value the anti-redshirters provide, but I’ve never been able to figure out exact why they are so weird.

Because they don't want their kids in the same grade with a bunch of kids who are over a year older, for a variety of reasons. I don't know why this is so hard for you to figure out. Redshirting impacts the makeup of the class, and people want their kids in a class with same age kids. This is not hard.

Well then they are ridiculous drama queens who clearly have no real problems in life. What a stupid thing to be this worked up about.

You haven’t answered the question for me, in any event. I want to know what you are so freaking weird. My kids have been in the same grade with redshirted kids all the way through and I’d be embarrassed to even write what you did. So why are you so weird?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are DCUMs anti-redshirters consistently so crazy and unhinged? They are one of the weirdest subgroups on DCUM for sure.

I love these threads for the quality entertainment value the anti-redshirters provide, but I’ve never been able to figure out exact why they are so weird.

Because they don't want their kids in the same grade with a bunch of kids who are over a year older, for a variety of reasons. I don't know why this is so hard for you to figure out. Redshirting impacts the makeup of the class, and people want their kids in a class with same age kids. This is not hard.

Well then they are ridiculous drama queens who clearly have no real problems in life. What a stupid thing to be this worked up about.

You haven’t answered the question for me, in any event. I want to know what you are so freaking weird. My kids have been in the same grade with redshirted kids all the way through and I’d be embarrassed to even write what you did. So why are you so weird?

Child 1 is born September 15th, 2019. Parents do not redshirt, and this child starts Kindergarten as a 4 year old and turns 5 in September.
Child 2 is born July 15th, 2018. Parents redshirt, and instead of starting their child on time as a 5 year old, they start as a 6 year old.

So now Child 1, who is already the smallest and youngest kid in class, is in school with a child who is 14 months older. If Child 2 is developmentally normal, this will mean that Child 2 is significantly larger, more academically advanced, will hit puberty more than a year before their kid, etc.

This isn't even my situation and I'm not even "anti-redshirt" in the way you mean (I live in a district where redshirting is next to impossible, and only happens when there is true need, which I think is how it should always be, but I don't resent parents who redshirt), but I understand why the parents of Child 1 would be uncomfortable with the redshirting of Child 2, and would especially be uncomfortable if there were 6 or 7 "Child 2s" in their grade, because it puts their child in the situation of being a significant outlier in terms of age, size, and maturity, despite their child starting "on time" according to the age guidelines provided by the school

I think the only weird thing is that you can't understand this. It's pretty basic. Maybe you are the weird one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are DCUMs anti-redshirters consistently so crazy and unhinged? They are one of the weirdest subgroups on DCUM for sure.

I love these threads for the quality entertainment value the anti-redshirters provide, but I’ve never been able to figure out exact why they are so weird.

Because they don't want their kids in the same grade with a bunch of kids who are over a year older, for a variety of reasons. I don't know why this is so hard for you to figure out. Redshirting impacts the makeup of the class, and people want their kids in a class with same age kids. This is not hard.

Well then they are ridiculous drama queens who clearly have no real problems in life. What a stupid thing to be this worked up about.

You haven’t answered the question for me, in any event. I want to know what you are so freaking weird. My kids have been in the same grade with redshirted kids all the way through and I’d be embarrassed to even write what you did. So why are you so weird?

Child 1 is born September 15th, 2019. Parents do not redshirt, and this child starts Kindergarten as a 4 year old and turns 5 in September.
Child 2 is born July 15th, 2018. Parents redshirt, and instead of starting their child on time as a 5 year old, they start as a 6 year old.

So now Child 1, who is already the smallest and youngest kid in class, is in school with a child who is 14 months older. If Child 2 is developmentally normal, this will mean that Child 2 is significantly larger, more academically advanced, will hit puberty more than a year before their kid, etc.

This isn't even my situation and I'm not even "anti-redshirt" in the way you mean (I live in a district where redshirting is next to impossible, and only happens when there is true need, which I think is how it should always be, but I don't resent parents who redshirt), but I understand why the parents of Child 1 would be uncomfortable with the redshirting of Child 2, and would especially be uncomfortable if there were 6 or 7 "Child 2s" in their grade, because it puts their child in the situation of being a significant outlier in terms of age, size, and maturity, despite their child starting "on time" according to the age guidelines provided by the school

I think the only weird thing is that you can't understand this. It's pretty basic. Maybe you are the weird one?

Yeah, my now-teen kids have been in class with kids over a year older than them multiple times, and like most normal parents in the class, I didn’t think anything of it. I get that you are one of these hyper-competitive parents who sees parenting as a zero sum game, but in the real world, you’re weird. Sorry to break it to you.

Someone above, maybe you, posted some nonsense about how redshirting was unkind, and I think that gets to the heart of it for me: the rank hypocrisy you all show. You claw and fight your way into competitive school districts, you pay for extra tutoring and activities, you engage in a million activities that are qualitatively known to have negative impact on other kids, but no, you’re focused on some totally imaginary unkindness. What a bunch of hypocritical nonsense.

Teach your kids some resilience and stop being a hypocrite. Your kids will be better for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are DCUMs anti-redshirters consistently so crazy and unhinged? They are one of the weirdest subgroups on DCUM for sure.

I love these threads for the quality entertainment value the anti-redshirters provide, but I’ve never been able to figure out exact why they are so weird.

Because they don't want their kids in the same grade with a bunch of kids who are over a year older, for a variety of reasons. I don't know why this is so hard for you to figure out. Redshirting impacts the makeup of the class, and people want their kids in a class with same age kids. This is not hard.

Well then they are ridiculous drama queens who clearly have no real problems in life. What a stupid thing to be this worked up about.

You haven’t answered the question for me, in any event. I want to know what you are so freaking weird. My kids have been in the same grade with redshirted kids all the way through and I’d be embarrassed to even write what you did. So why are you so weird?

Child 1 is born September 15th, 2019. Parents do not redshirt, and this child starts Kindergarten as a 4 year old and turns 5 in September.
Child 2 is born July 15th, 2018. Parents redshirt, and instead of starting their child on time as a 5 year old, they start as a 6 year old.

So now Child 1, who is already the smallest and youngest kid in class, is in school with a child who is 14 months older. If Child 2 is developmentally normal, this will mean that Child 2 is significantly larger, more academically advanced, will hit puberty more than a year before their kid, etc.

This isn't even my situation and I'm not even "anti-redshirt" in the way you mean (I live in a district where redshirting is next to impossible, and only happens when there is true need, which I think is how it should always be, but I don't resent parents who redshirt), but I understand why the parents of Child 1 would be uncomfortable with the redshirting of Child 2, and would especially be uncomfortable if there were 6 or 7 "Child 2s" in their grade, because it puts their child in the situation of being a significant outlier in terms of age, size, and maturity, despite their child starting "on time" according to the age guidelines provided by the school

I think the only weird thing is that you can't understand this. It's pretty basic. Maybe you are the weird one?

Kids grow at different rates. I have a young child. They are appropriate for their age. You don’t compare your young child to a held back child where there can be a 12-18 month difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

I think this is absolutely a thing - I remember a few kids when I was younger that were old for their grade and there were a lot of rumors they were "held back" for being dumb basically. People think they're giving their kids an advantage but it's totally artificial and everyone knows it, especially their peers. The "smartest kid in their class" that stands a head taller than the rest of them would only be average if they were actually in a class with their same aged peers. I don't get why parents do this, but just know everyone is judging you.

Spoken like someone with a December birthday. Newsflash: Summer birthdays will either be the youngest or the oldest. Your bully of a child will pick on someone for being the youngest too. I’d prefer oldest, obviously some people here prefer youngest. YMMV.

No one in my house has a December birthday and my child isn’t a bully. Project much?

Spoken like someone with a bully of a child.

Look, I am sorry that the truth hurts. Neither I nor anyone in my family would bully someone, but I definitely saw it happen and what I posted reflects what most people think. We all know that you had to give your kid an advantage by making them a year older than their classmates. All of a sudden, an average student seems super smart because they are a year ahead in development. You think you found a short cut, but you didn't.

Your truth isn't everybody's truth. I have never seen what you're talking about. If you think people are short changing their kids, why on earth do you care so much? Is it an advantage or not because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. Make up your mind and then maybe your point will make sense.

Let me dumb it down for you. If you red shirt your kid, people are absolutely judging you and them and talking behind your back. Some of that may bleed into how the other kids treat your kid at school. But probably no one is going to say anything to you as the parent, we will just be thinking it. But this is an anonymous forum so people can say what they really think.

Just because you are judgemental doesn’t mean everyone is. I mean an immature redshirted late august kid will be only a few months older than the rest of the fall birthday kids - it won’t be noticiable and most parents are too stressed with their own lives to care not to mention judge. It is way better to redshirt than to be forced to hold a kid back when they are older that is much more notícible and yes kids may judge.

Yes, its noticed because they are immature for their age and not in an age appropriate grade, so its very noticeable.

That makes no sense. If they are redshirted then it doesn’t matter if they were immature for their age they are now mature enough by starting with a younger cohort. That’s the whole point of redshirting. Sending them with a cohort that they blend in well with Versus one they are too immature for. I can tell you it’s the kids who skip grades who are noticibly immature. I went to high school with some 12 year olds and being super smart does not make one socially mature. (Im a mid August birthday btw and no issues with being one of the youngest in my class.)

A lot going on in this comment.

1. A 12 year old in high school is a different deal. That's a kid who is not even through puberty going to school with kids who are mostly done with puberty. Huge difference, of course they seemed immature. It's not the subject of the thread.

2. Redshirting does not help kids mature. It might help place a child in a more appropriate cohort for their maturity level, but since we're talking entirely about summer birthdays, they are likely to be an outlier no matter what. Either on the mature side for their grade or on the immature side for their grade. Just based on age of course. Redshirting doesn't "solve" this. It's just the reality of being a summer birthday.

3. The point PPs are trying to make is that redshirting may not resolve your issue if you are just worried about your kid being an outlier. In fact, it might make them more of an outlier, because if they are visibly older than the rest of their class, that might call attention to itself.

4. Also, maturity doesn't track perfectly with the MONTH a kid was born, and the older kids get, the less it tracks. Plenty of kids with summer birthdays are as mature if not more so than kids with birthdays during the school year.

5. Which is why many people are suggesting that redshirting for the hell of it is a mistake, and that peopel should only redshirt if there is a delay of some kind which an extra year of PK would help with, including a social maturity delay.

I think there is only one PP making the same tired argument over and over again without success. If it’s such a mistake surely you have some data to back it up, lets see it. Because I don’t know a single person who regrets it. No matter how many different ways people try to make the ineffectual arguments with no facts.

We regretted it. Our child skipped a grade to make up for it.