Some parents appreciate that their child learns the importance of eating their main food first instead of those chocolate kisses sent in. Problem would be solved if you didn’t pack sweets in the first place. Maybe the parent should learn what a healthy lunch consists of and that their child will eat those red peppers and humus by watching their classmates eating healthy too and won’t even miss a “dessert”.
Anonymous wrote:Some parents appreciate that their child learns the importance of eating their main food first instead of those chocolate kisses sent in. Problem would be solved if you didn’t pack sweets in the first place. Maybe the parent should learn what a healthy lunch consists of and that their child will eat those red peppers and humus by watching their classmates eating healthy too and won’t even miss a “dessert”.
Uh, excuse me, it's baked oatmeal.
All high quality people understand that the baking process makes the sugars disappear. Humph.
Anonymous wrote:I'd tell my child that the teacher sets the rules in the classroom and her job is to learn to follow the classroom rules, even if we do things differently at home.
Amen
This is what I would tell my kid too and do not say anything to the teacher OP. This is really the first impression you want to make with the teacher? Bad idea.
And don't pack cookies. No one cares if they're banana/oat/whatever.
Anonymous wrote:I have a big eater too, we had to explain to her teacher in each successive classroom— yes, offer her everything we’ve sent at every meal. And each successive class gave me one day of pushback, then laughed with me for the rest of the session about how much my kid packs away. They leave a note when they have a sub that, really, this kid is going to eat all of that.
For people with children with smaller appetites— you know how your kid gets hangry and more prone to meltdowns? This is what will happen to OPs kid if she’s policed and upset and doesn’t get to eat her whole lunch. It’s in everyone’s interest to avoid that.
But the teacher didn't tell her she couldn't eat her whole lunch. She just asked her to eat it in a different order.
She didn’t ask— she told her she couldn’t eat in the way she wanted. I absolutely see the teachers point if she doesn’t understand the cookies aren’t junk food, but upsetting a hungry toddler and then her missing the bulk of her lunch isn’t good either. A brief chat with the teacher in which OP explains that anything in her daughter’s lunchbox is fair game should not mark her out as “that mother” to a teacher with experience.
We are going to far with what we consider toddlers. A 4 year old is not a toddler. They are a preschooler.
The DCUM age-policing is always very fun. It’s not relevant though because I wouldn’t want a teacher mistakenly policing my infant, toddler, preschooler, elementary, middle, high school or college age student. I think the teacher made an honest mistake that the cookies were a “snack” and the four year old is not able to correct her. The parent should do so, once, and that should be the end of the issue. The teachers I know are not such fragile creatures that they wouldn’t understand “hey this is not actually a snack it’s part of her lunch” without strain.
Parents shouldn't be such fragile creatures, either. The teacher told her precious snowflake to eat cookies last. GASP.
Seriously. Save your comments for when it really matters. And stop packing sugary treats in their lunches for goodness sake! Save it for after school snack or dinner. This could be a complete non issue if parents actually packed real food and not junk in their kids' lunches.
Something baked and shaped round is not “a sugary treat” unless a teacher doesn’t know the difference. Which it sounds like this one doesn’t. This isn’t about parental fragility, it’s about not letting a 4 y/o go without most of her lunch because a teacher didn’t understand what was in the lunchbox.
My goodness. So many parents who don't want to support and back up the teacher.
Take a step back. What should your DC be learning in preschool? How to follow another adult's rules.
I would call myself a parent who is responsible for my child getting their whole lunch, even if that means I need to explain to the teacher what is in that lunch. It’s not my job to “support and back up” a teacher who leaves a kid hungry for most of the day because she didn’t like the order in which she was eating her food.
Following rules is important. It is, however, not as important to a 4 y/o brain than getting enough food, which is basically the minimum standard of care.
Did she say "No cookies allowed"? No. She said, eat the cookies last. Which 99% of people across the globe would think is the normal way to eat a meal. Your DD could have eaten lunch in any order at all and been just as full.
She came home all cranky and upset because it was her first day of preschool. What's your excuse?
I’m the poster you’re responding to but I’m not the OP. The OP states that because her daughter was upset she didn’t get to eat her yoghurt, her fruit OR her cookies, and the teacher made her stop before she was finished. Rather than do the teacher equivalent of sending the kid to bed without supper oe being weirdly rigid about the order of food the child ate, she could have just let a hungry child eat her lunch.
This is not a nanny situation. It's a classroom filled with kids. You should volunteer some time in the classroom so you know what it's like. Kids might whine for snack but they have to wait until snack time even if they're hungry. It's really not cruel in any way. It's growing up and learning to participate in a group of other kids who all have to learn to do things as a group instead of as individuals.
They also have to sit still at certain times and be quiet so everyone can hear, go to the bathroom and wash their hands, stand in line to go out, use crayons when they want to use clay, etc. They have to learn how to do these things. It's not cruel at all. But if you have a nanny and prefer your child continue to get individual attention then keep them home another year.
Denying a child half her packed lunch because she ate it in an order that displeases you is absolutely cruel. Expecting a child to go hungry for hours because *you did not like the order she was eating her food in* even sounds absurd and rigid. She wasn’t asking the teacher for cookies or snacks, she wasn’t asking for special treatment, she was trying to eat the lunch her parents packed.
No one was denying her her food. So dramatic. You sound as rigid in your thinking and demands as the preschooler. You REALLY AND TRULY don't understand why an adult in charge of a small child would tell them to eat the cookie last?
You need to teach your kid to deal with other adults being in charge of her. You need to accept this fact, too.
Again, did you not read the OP? Half of the child’s packed lunch came home because the teacher would rather make a 4 y/o cry over baked oatmeal than let her peacefully eat the lunch her parents packed for her in the order she chose.
Happily, though, you’re wrong in your last point. If I ever had a teacher refuse to let my child eat the lunch I packed them I would not “accept” it, I would call the teacher and kindly let them know that my child was to be allowed to eat anything I packed for her. In the very unlikely situation that a teacher didn’t understand that guidence I would inform the school leadership/principal of those instructions. I have a child who is 97% for height and 18% for weight you can rest assured I care more about her not going hungry than I do about a teachers opinion of the order in which she eats her lunch.
So many overbearing blowhards on this thread. Yeah, you give that teacher a piece of your mind. You go act like she's your employee, not a professional. You go do that.
Oh, so now the teacher is also a certified nutritionist?
We weren’t allowed to pack sweets for lunch at my DD’s private preschool. They asked us to save that for at home. Seems like a sensible rule given this conversation.
I'm actually really chill, but don't want 1. my DD hungry at school and 2. me picking up a crabby hungry kid everyday when she had a perfectly good lunch.
Just seeing if this is normal or to be expected. DD is our oldest so we are new to school and I was surprised.
She's in charge of your child. That's not being a dictator. Most people eat dessert last. She assumed you'd want your kid to eat dessert last if you were there to suprevise.
Why would she come home hungry if she ate her food in a different order?
That’s why OP should explain her values and expectations. Teacher has less work policing her DD. Problem solved.
Anonymous wrote:Preschool teacher here. So many times the parents pack a sandwich, fruit, and 6 Oreo cookies. The kids spend 20 minutes eating their Oreo cookies and a few strawberries and ignore the sandwich and then 30 minutes later complain that they are hungry. So yeah, I would encourage kids to eat the "growing" food first, but I never require it. Don't get me started on how long it takes to eat pirates Booty!
OP, I'm a teacher who does kindergarten lunch duty. I'm also a mom of a child who had severe picky eating and difficulty gaining weight. I'm very sensitive to adults who criticize what children are eating because there were years when all my child would eat at lunch was "junk" food.
But what PP says is correct -- SO MANY children will just eat the frankly "junkiest" part of their lunch first, and then run out of time to eat the more filling parts. And as they are in a classroom setting, there just isn't the time to get out the sandwich or whatever an hour later, as you might allow if you were just at home with the child. Or to extend lunch time for another 20 minutes.
People send kids to school, in part, for "socialization". And socialization means learning to adapt to a group and classroom situation. And part of that is getting through your lunch in the time allotted, and doing things according to school and teacher rules, not as you do them at home.
"Teacher says we need to eat our sandwich first, and then cookies" is fine for kids to learn. If your child has no problems gaining and growing with what she is eating, she will be able to adapt to this.
I could also understand though, if as a point of pride you want to let your child's teacher know you are very concerned about nutrition yourself, and that the cookies you send are nutrient dense or whatever. Or send your child with extra cookies but no yogurt and berries for a while!
Anonymous wrote:I have a big eater too, we had to explain to her teacher in each successive classroom— yes, offer her everything we’ve sent at every meal. And each successive class gave me one day of pushback, then laughed with me for the rest of the session about how much my kid packs away. They leave a note when they have a sub that, really, this kid is going to eat all of that.
For people with children with smaller appetites— you know how your kid gets hangry and more prone to meltdowns? This is what will happen to OPs kid if she’s policed and upset and doesn’t get to eat her whole lunch. It’s in everyone’s interest to avoid that.
But the teacher didn't tell her she couldn't eat her whole lunch. She just asked her to eat it in a different order.
She didn’t ask— she told her she couldn’t eat in the way she wanted. I absolutely see the teachers point if she doesn’t understand the cookies aren’t junk food, but upsetting a hungry toddler and then her missing the bulk of her lunch isn’t good either. A brief chat with the teacher in which OP explains that anything in her daughter’s lunchbox is fair game should not mark her out as “that mother” to a teacher with experience.
We are going to far with what we consider toddlers. A 4 year old is not a toddler. They are a preschooler.
The DCUM age-policing is always very fun. It’s not relevant though because I wouldn’t want a teacher mistakenly policing my infant, toddler, preschooler, elementary, middle, high school or college age student. I think the teacher made an honest mistake that the cookies were a “snack” and the four year old is not able to correct her. The parent should do so, once, and that should be the end of the issue. The teachers I know are not such fragile creatures that they wouldn’t understand “hey this is not actually a snack it’s part of her lunch” without strain.
Parents shouldn't be such fragile creatures, either. The teacher told her precious snowflake to eat cookies last. GASP.
Seriously. Save your comments for when it really matters. And stop packing sugary treats in their lunches for goodness sake! Save it for after school snack or dinner. This could be a complete non issue if parents actually packed real food and not junk in their kids' lunches.
Something baked and shaped round is not “a sugary treat” unless a teacher doesn’t know the difference. Which it sounds like this one doesn’t. This isn’t about parental fragility, it’s about not letting a 4 y/o go without most of her lunch because a teacher didn’t understand what was in the lunchbox.
My goodness. So many parents who don't want to support and back up the teacher.
Take a step back. What should your DC be learning in preschool? How to follow another adult's rules.
I would call myself a parent who is responsible for my child getting their whole lunch, even if that means I need to explain to the teacher what is in that lunch. It’s not my job to “support and back up” a teacher who leaves a kid hungry for most of the day because she didn’t like the order in which she was eating her food.
Following rules is important. It is, however, not as important to a 4 y/o brain than getting enough food, which is basically the minimum standard of care.
Did she say "No cookies allowed"? No. She said, eat the cookies last. Which 99% of people across the globe would think is the normal way to eat a meal. Your DD could have eaten lunch in any order at all and been just as full.
She came home all cranky and upset because it was her first day of preschool. What's your excuse?
I’m the poster you’re responding to but I’m not the OP. The OP states that because her daughter was upset she didn’t get to eat her yoghurt, her fruit OR her cookies, and the teacher made her stop before she was finished. Rather than do the teacher equivalent of sending the kid to bed without supper oe being weirdly rigid about the order of food the child ate, she could have just let a hungry child eat her lunch.
This is not a nanny situation. It's a classroom filled with kids. You should volunteer some time in the classroom so you know what it's like. Kids might whine for snack but they have to wait until snack time even if they're hungry. It's really not cruel in any way. It's growing up and learning to participate in a group of other kids who all have to learn to do things as a group instead of as individuals.
They also have to sit still at certain times and be quiet so everyone can hear, go to the bathroom and wash their hands, stand in line to go out, use crayons when they want to use clay, etc. They have to learn how to do these things. It's not cruel at all. But if you have a nanny and prefer your child continue to get individual attention then keep them home another year.
Denying a child half her packed lunch because she ate it in an order that displeases you is absolutely cruel. Expecting a child to go hungry for hours because *you did not like the order she was eating her food in* even sounds absurd and rigid. She wasn’t asking the teacher for cookies or snacks, she wasn’t asking for special treatment, she was trying to eat the lunch her parents packed.
No one was denying her her food. So dramatic. You sound as rigid in your thinking and demands as the preschooler. You REALLY AND TRULY don't understand why an adult in charge of a small child would tell them to eat the cookie last?
You need to teach your kid to deal with other adults being in charge of her. You need to accept this fact, too.
Again, did you not read the OP? Half of the child’s packed lunch came home because the teacher would rather make a 4 y/o cry over baked oatmeal than let her peacefully eat the lunch her parents packed for her in the order she chose.
Happily, though, you’re wrong in your last point. If I ever had a teacher refuse to let my child eat the lunch I packed them I would not “accept” it, I would call the teacher and kindly let them know that my child was to be allowed to eat anything I packed for her. In the very unlikely situation that a teacher didn’t understand that guidence I would inform the school leadership/principal of those instructions. I have a child who is 97% for height and 18% for weight you can rest assured I care more about her not going hungry than I do about a teachers opinion of the order in which she eats her lunch.
So many overbearing blowhards on this thread. Yeah, you give that teacher a piece of your mind. You go act like she's your employee, not a professional. You go do that.
I don’t need to. Every teacher my child has has understood that having a child who eats a full, healthy lunch means everyone gets a happier afternoon and a better nap than a kid who wasn’t allowed to eat half of her food. It’s pretty much the lowest possible bar for being in charge of children, especially young children: feed them.
On Day 1, establish rules. Probably many of the kids weren't eating their lunch that day anyway. They'll figure it out - unless their mothers come in and snowplow the preschool teacher.
I’m sorry is this a preschool or a prison? On day one “establish rules” like “you only get to eat your food if I like the order you eat it in”? And really show off your power over four year olds by only letting them eat half their food? This is some dystopian preschool you’re envisioning.
I never realized one of the many things I have to be grateful to the teachers in my child’s life for is letting her eat her lunch, but I guess learn something new every day.
Or, you just didn't hear every moment of the day from your 4 year old. And your DC figured it out without your assistance.
Our school sends daily reports on what they eat— I’ve never gotten a “your child ate half her food and then I made her cry and didn’t give her time for the rest of it” and honestly I have more respect for her teachers than to think they’d ever treat any child that way. But sure maybe they’ve got nothing better to do in her class than police to make sure she eats the apple slices before the ricotta and they’re just keeping that under wraps, but somehow I doubt it.
School? Your SCHOOL sends home daily reports on what the eat? SCHOOL? Are you sure you don't mean daycare?
Yes my preschool sends home daily reports on food, classwork, language and potty. Only one of the preschools we visited didn’t do this.
LOL no. You mean daycare. Not school.
I mean the state board has accredited it as a preschool but I’m sure you know better.
So your daycare center at your job moved your kid into the "preschool room" ?
NP. What exactly are you having a problem with here?
Anonymous wrote:Some parents appreciate that their child learns the importance of eating their main food first instead of those chocolate kisses sent in. Problem would be solved if you didn’t pack sweets in the first place. Maybe the parent should learn what a healthy lunch consists of and that their child will eat those red peppers and humus by watching their classmates eating healthy too and won’t even miss a “dessert”.
Actually that is contrary to best food practices for kids (not that I think everyone HAS to follow bet food practices but it's more reasonable to give the child autonomy than it is to dictate what they eat first).
Anonymous wrote:We get plenty of these types showing up to public K. The parents and the kids think they are in charge and they get really put out when they learn they are not. However we don’t supervise lunch that closely because we simply haven’t the staff - so OP can send only cookies if she likes!
+1 At least this happened on the very first day of preschool. OP has some time to figure this out.
At what age does spreading out a selection of foods and letting your child pick what they are going to eat stop? Because most people don't eat meals at a buffet. Most people eat meals like this: appetizer, main course, dessert. So at some point you're doing your DC a disservice to continue letting them act like a toddler learning to eat and not teaching them to eat like everyone else. What point is that? My guess is when they enter school. OP's child is no longer a toddler.
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