Rude comments by childfree friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

From abother CFBC person--agreed, if a friend is being rude about anything (this topic or others), why not bring it up with them?

I agree that what you're friend is doing IS rude and I would never do the same, about anything that a friend values. When thinking about where your friend is coming from, though, it is good to keep in mind where she might be coming from. People without children get a whole lot of unsolicited judgment from others on their life choices. I know OP is not doing this to their friend based on their posts in this thread (and these kinds of judgmental statements are far more likely to come from near-strangers than from friends IME), but the general experience of this happening over and over again can prime someone to be defensive about their nonstandard choice.

Why TF are so many child free people on a parenting forum??? What is wrong with you?

Why are you so butthurt? What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Counter her rudeness. Respond, “You’re missing out. There certainly is hard work involved, but hands-down having kids is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.”

Two people being rude is worse than one person being rude. Grow up. You're not 16 anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Counter her rudeness. Respond, “You’re missing out. There certainly is hard work involved, but hands-down having kids is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.”

Two people being rude is worse than one person being rude. Grow up. You're not 16 anymore.

There’s a point at which they are trying to get a reaction. Like my SIL who got a child free tee shirt specifically to wear on my DC first Christmas. Any attention given to the baby had to be equally given to her, ideally to talk about how society sucked for childless women. Hours.

I have never been offended by any other child free person’s comments ever but that was too much for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Childfree by Choice is their preferred term - as opposed to infertile or whatever.

I have no idea why you think people aren't happily kid free. It's taboo to say you enjoy having freedom, but child free couples are more likely to be in happy relationship. More financial freedom and and not losing years of your life caretaking. I don't really understand people who don't like dogs, but I respect their views. Some people find children as irritating as other people find pets.

I think a lot of moms have some jealousy of their kid free friends. This whole board is mostly variations of "mom" weight gain, fighting with husbands about them not doing an equal amount of housework or watching kids. Or career setbacks from being a SAHM, or custody drama.

[Anonymous]

Im a mom. Im not jealous of my childless / childfree friends. When I was childless (or whatever yall call it), I definitely wasn’t jealous of friends with kids. I have kids now and still dont like other people’s kids. No I dont want to hold your baby. I only like my kids. People really think too much of themselves. Most people (except for Grandma) could care less about you posting your kid everyday on Social, so I assume, you are doing that for yourself. I agree that parts of motherhood suck but I love my hugs so much! Not sure what this has to do with OPs question but just had to get that off my chest.

[Anonymous]

She’s absolutely not rude, you’re just overreacting

[Anonymous]

Modest proposal: I won’t point out things that suck about parenting if you stop simpering about how you don’t know what love is until you have a child, how no job is as important as raising a single, utterly average child, etc. Deal? No? Well, there you go. As we were!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

You spelled "parents" wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Its a funny thing. The childfree are generally polite and cognizant of limited parental resources and therefore don't bring up things that will antagonize a parent - especially one with a young child that needs a lot of commitment and focus in the early years. However I don't see that same sort of deference from parents who bring up everything about their child (positively) when they were never asked.

Commitment should go both ways.

OP here. I rarely bring up my child. Tap dance around doing it, actually, because I know the CFBC are very holier than thou about it, and who needs that? We generally talk politics and about our husbands.

Oh, you're one of THOSE. Yeah. You're the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Serious question: I see a lot of child free people on this board… which is literally for parenting discussions. Why are you here?

Because they choose to be, they can be and the moderator has said repeatedly that they are welcome.

Cope harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

You spelled "parents" wrong.

Ha! 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

You spelled "parents" wrong.

Ha! 🤣

😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

You spelled "parents" wrong.

Ha! 🤣

😂😂😂

+ more

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I'd consider these comments rude. They are true. I have kids and it IS gross cleaning a toilet after someone else uses it.

It sounds like your friend still harbors some doubt as to whether they made the right life choices in being child-free (which is perfectly expected and normal) and they are reminding themselves of the downsides to feel better about their choice. It really has nothing to do with you or your kids. She may at times feel a little jealousy or resentment in seeing you with your kids - until she remembers why it is not for her.

Water off your back. As hard as it might be, just ignore the comments, and don't make it about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Its a funny thing. The childfree are generally polite and cognizant of limited parental resources and therefore don't bring up things that will antagonize a parent - especially one with a young child that needs a lot of commitment and focus in the early years. However I don't see that same sort of deference from parents who bring up everything about their child (positively) when they were never asked.

Commitment should go both ways.

OP here. I rarely bring up my child. Tap dance around doing it, actually, because I know the CFBC are very holier than thou about it, and who needs that? We generally talk politics and about our husbands.

Oh, you're one of THOSE. Yeah. You're the problem.

You ARE like that.