Rude comments by childfree friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want a dog, but I don't feel the need to loudly observe to my dog-owning friends that I can't imagine having a dog because they smell, bark, need to be walked or sent to expensive doggy daycare, whatever. I just don't get a dog and I go about my life.

I don't understand why childfree people can't do that

I think this is the divide in people I know who don’t have kids: I have friends who don’t have & don’t want kids. And that’s it.

And then I know a couple of people who have actively labeled themselves “childfree”— not if you ask them, but they will tell you, even if it has no relation to anything else. And it will come up in conversation repeatedly. And they make posts about “breeders”/kids. And they will make sure to tell you that they can’t imagine pregnancy (“destroying your body”)/having kids, and how terrible parents’ lives are. They’re not so much childfree but anti-child.

I actually think a lot of people do not think seriously enough about the decision to have children. I fully support the decision to choose. But some of the childfree crazies are totally off their rocker. They want to make sure everyone around them feels bad. I find them too exhausting to deal with. It’s hard to be friends with someone if they’re always mocking and criticizing a huge part of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want a dog, but I don't feel the need to loudly observe to my dog-owning friends that I can't imagine having a dog because they smell, bark, need to be walked or sent to expensive doggy daycare, whatever. I just don't get a dog and I go about my life.

I don't understand why childfree people can't do that

Because you don't have a whole world constantly telling you that you are less than a full human being for not having a dog.

DP.

I have to say this just hasn't been my experience in life, as someone didn't want kids until into my 30s. And yes, people would ask me about having kids, why I didn't have any, when I would have them, etc. It just didn't bother me and I don't feel like I got excessive comments about it. Most people have kids, I didn't, people were going to ask. No big deal.

I guess I can relate on some level to what people who identify as "childfree" experience from others. I got married very young, and got a lot of questioning and comments and even rude/bizarre comments about that. But I didn't identify as a "married young" and join forums to talk about it and disparage single people or people who married older.

I think a lot of people who make "child free" into an identity label instead of just a fact (a person who doesn't have or wants kids) have intense childhood trauma and a particular hangup about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want a dog, but I don't feel the need to loudly observe to my dog-owning friends that I can't imagine having a dog because they smell, bark, need to be walked or sent to expensive doggy daycare, whatever. I just don't get a dog and I go about my life.

I don't understand why childfree people can't do that

Because you don't have a whole world constantly telling you that you are less than a full human being for not having a dog.

And this gives you full permission to be nasty to your friends with kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Childfree by Choice is their preferred term - as opposed to infertile or whatever.

She is then Child Less By Choice. CLBC. Children are not cooties or debt that you need to be free of. Of course, you could be a parent who deserts his/her children or does not acknowledge them or murders them -- by choice!

Also, the C for Choice very often stands for C for Circumstance. Else, the passive-aggressive snide remarks would not flow out so easily.

People who don’t want to have kids go by childfree. Not Child Less .

Infertile people are probably pretending to be childless by choice.

And moms are pretending to like their kids because they can’t give them back. Your point? Both sides have extremes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the posters questioning why child free posters are even on this forum: do you realize how frail and petty you sound?

It’s a legitimate question. This is the “general parenting discussion” board. It’s not even the travel board or real estate board. Wanting to know why someone with no kids would post here is not a big deal.

And you know the outcry if parents came in and started participating in a “child free discussion” board on a child free site would be HUGE.

Its not. 80% of the heavy traffic on this site - Politics and Real Estate - have nothing to do with kids. Everyone checks Recent Topics and clicks on something relevant to them. You have a post 'Rude comments by childfree friend'. Someone childfree will click curious what it says.

Just like someone who met the demographic 'Women who graduate from Ivy League colleges are always ugly' would click on said header and discuss the merits of that point.

It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want a dog, but I don't feel the need to loudly observe to my dog-owning friends that I can't imagine having a dog because they smell, bark, need to be walked or sent to expensive doggy daycare, whatever. I just don't get a dog and I go about my life.

I don't understand why childfree people can't do that

Because you don't have a whole world constantly telling you that you are less than a full human being for not having a dog.

And this gives you full permission to be nasty to your friends with kids?

What? No. Of course not. Why would I be nasty to people who are my friends? That's insane.

[Anonymous]

My friend gave up her child to her ex husband due to the child not fitting into her divorced / single lifestyle. The kid life was ok when she was married, but she Never imagined being a mom doing it alone, so gave up child. She is now technically child free now. So i applaud OP friend for recognizing what it really takes to be a mom unlike some people. Some women dont have ex husbands who will take full custody, but my friend says she doesn’t regret it. She tried being a mother, and didnt like it, and she says stuff like OP friend also. It’s annoying but she’s speaking her truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend gave up her child to her ex husband due to the child not fitting into her divorced / single lifestyle. The kid life was ok when she was married, but she Never imagined being a mom doing it alone, so gave up child. She is now technically child free now. So i applaud OP friend for recognizing what it really takes to be a mom unlike some people. Some women dont have ex husbands who will take full custody, but my friend says she doesn’t regret it. She tried being a mother, and didnt like it, and she says stuff like OP friend also. It’s annoying but she’s speaking her truth.

That’s a really sad story. Does she parent the kid in any way? It’s sad because once you commit to being a parent, you are committing to the child as well. The child didn’t choose to be born. Barring any major issues, a parent shouldn’t just decide to not parent anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend gave up her child to her ex husband due to the child not fitting into her divorced / single lifestyle. The kid life was ok when she was married, but she Never imagined being a mom doing it alone, so gave up child. She is now technically child free now. So i applaud OP friend for recognizing what it really takes to be a mom unlike some people. Some women dont have ex husbands who will take full custody, but my friend says she doesn’t regret it. She tried being a mother, and didnt like it, and she says stuff like OP friend also. It’s annoying but she’s speaking her truth.

That’s a really sad story. Does she parent the kid in any way? It’s sad because once you commit to being a parent, you are committing to the child as well. The child didn’t choose to be born. Barring any major issues, a parent shouldn’t just decide to not parent anymore.

She lives in a different city from child and travels often for work. She is more of a major holidays, birthdays, event type mom. She doesn’t do the day to day or weekends. She said Dads do it all the time and the child is still with a parent, but I’ve definitely heard her make comments like OP’s friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Serious question: I see a lot of child free people on this board… which is literally for parenting discussions. Why are you here?

NP with no kids - mostly to annoy you, but also to discuss clothes, travel, entertainment, work, and whatever the heck that cheese-brain Donald Trump and his idiot minions are doing.

But there are other forums for that on this same site. This is literally for general parenting discussion. But thanks for confirming that there are a lot of weird trolls around here.

Wouldn’t you find it weird if a bunch of parents hung out on a board for child-free people to “annoy” them?

You really need to lighten up. This thread is called "Rude Comments by Child Free Friend" and appears on the "Recent Topics" pages. Is it really that outrageous that a "Child Free" reader might have stumbled upon it and been interested?

There are many, many participants on this website that don't currently have kids living under the same roof as them. You're the the web police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want a dog, but I don't feel the need to loudly observe to my dog-owning friends that I can't imagine having a dog because they smell, bark, need to be walked or sent to expensive doggy daycare, whatever. I just don't get a dog and I go about my life.

I don't understand why childfree people can't do that

Because you don't have a whole world constantly telling you that you are less than a full human being for not having a dog.

+1000

-- I'm a parent btw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want a dog, but I don't feel the need to loudly observe to my dog-owning friends that I can't imagine having a dog because they smell, bark, need to be walked or sent to expensive doggy daycare, whatever. I just don't get a dog and I go about my life.

I don't understand why childfree people can't do that

I think this is the divide in people I know who don’t have kids: I have friends who don’t have & don’t want kids. And that’s it.

And then I know a couple of people who have actively labeled themselves “childfree”— not if you ask them, but they will tell you, even if it has no relation to anything else. And it will come up in conversation repeatedly. And they make posts about “breeders”/kids. And they will make sure to tell you that they can’t imagine pregnancy (“destroying your body”)/having kids, and how terrible parents’ lives are. They’re not so much childfree but anti-child.

I actually think a lot of people do not think seriously enough about the decision to have children. I fully support the decision to choose. But some of the childfree crazies are totally off their rocker. They want to make sure everyone around them feels bad. I find them too exhausting to deal with. It’s hard to be friends with someone if they’re always mocking and criticizing a huge part of your life.

Yea, well, we all know you're talking about a small minority of people. And if we're taught one thing in elementary school, it's that we don't judge all people on the basis of the few.

[Anonymous]

The friend sounds awful. Do better, OP.

[Anonymous]

Counter her rudeness. Respond, “You’re missing out. There certainly is hard work involved, but hands-down having kids is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

From abother CFBC person--agreed, if a friend is being rude about anything (this topic or others), why not bring it up with them?

I agree that what you're friend is doing IS rude and I would never do the same, about anything that a friend values. When thinking about where your friend is coming from, though, it is good to keep in mind where she might be coming from. People without children get a whole lot of unsolicited judgment from others on their life choices. I know OP is not doing this to their friend based on their posts in this thread (and these kinds of judgmental statements are far more likely to come from near-strangers than from friends IME), but the general experience of this happening over and over again can prime someone to be defensive about their nonstandard choice.

Why TF are so many child free people on a parenting forum??? What is wrong with you?

Landed here via the real estate forum, stayed for the snark. Obviously there are posts here that are relevant to childfree people's interests!