Parenting short cuts - things you skip or do the bare minimum on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay the only thing that bothers me at all is the bathing once a week. Sheets once a month, fine. Sleeping in next day’s clothes, incredible, I do it myself sometimes for the gym in the morning.

We aim for every other day for a bath. Ignoring everything else like sweat, scalp oil, and environmental grime, once they’re potty trained this is legit gross. Idk about you guys, but my kindergartner isn’t the most fastidious wiper. I can’t imagine the stank of her butt after six or seven days! Do you once a week bathers have bidets, or wipe them down with a wet rag between the cheeks or something?

We bathe more than once a week. However, my DD is incredibly regular and poops once a day, at home, after school. She always gets a wet wipe on her butt after she’s made her pass with toilet paper because I know she’s still bad at it. So if she goes a few days between baths, no, I don’t worry her butt is gross. If I thought her butt was gross, I’d give her a bath.

I wonder if the people insisting on daily baths just have dirtier kids. Like maybe those of us bathing less frequently just have tidier kids who don’t play in the dirt or sweat as much.

When she starts menstruating I hope you encourage her to use more than just a wet wipe.

Not OP but by time that happens her DD will be showering daily by her own choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay the only thing that bothers me at all is the bathing once a week. Sheets once a month, fine. Sleeping in next day’s clothes, incredible, I do it myself sometimes for the gym in the morning.

We aim for every other day for a bath. Ignoring everything else like sweat, scalp oil, and environmental grime, once they’re potty trained this is legit gross. Idk about you guys, but my kindergartner isn’t the most fastidious wiper. I can’t imagine the stank of her butt after six or seven days! Do you once a week bathers have bidets, or wipe them down with a wet rag between the cheeks or something?

We bathe more than once a week. However, my DD is incredibly regular and poops once a day, at home, after school. She always gets a wet wipe on her butt after she’s made her pass with toilet paper because I know she’s still bad at it. So if she goes a few days between baths, no, I don’t worry her butt is gross. If I thought her butt was gross, I’d give her a bath.

I wonder if the people insisting on daily baths just have dirtier kids. Like maybe those of us bathing less frequently just have tidier kids who don’t play in the dirt or sweat as much.

Well she’s four so I think we have time to continue to develop her hygiene 🙄

I’m now convinced the people insisting on daily baths either have super filthy kids or OCD. It just seems odd that this has gone on for so many pages and people are STILL mad about it.
When she starts menstruating I hope you encourage her to use more than just a wet wipe.

[Anonymous]

Kids are 18 months and 5. We do baths twice per week. Breakfast during the week is fast and easy either cereal, waffle, or toast w fruit. We don’t have battles over food. The youngest is super picky so if all she wants to eat is milk and peaches for dinner then That’s all she eats. I don’t agonize over it. We do minimal activities w our 5 year old. No more than two activities per week. She does a swim class only right now and will do soccer in the spring. Camp, when we get to that, will be full time day camp. One and done.

[Anonymous]

DCUM's Amazing "Hacks!"

-Hire someone else to clean, garden, maintain house and take care of kids

-Pay more money for conveniences like meal prep and scheduled delivery and early access to things

-Marry spouse who parents and contributes to functioning of household

-Expect and teach children to do age-appropriate things for themselves, instead of infantilizing them

-Have normal expectations of life and don't feel the need for everything to be The Absolute Most Optimal All The Time

Brilliant, right? Where is my book deal?

Basically-- and I'm not even being snarky, just observing-- the key to "easy parenting" according to DCUM is being UMC or wealthy and yet not buying into the high and unnecessarily (and even regressively) complicated standards of the UMC.

"Hacks" are supposed to be things one might not have thought of. I feel like these things are presented as "hacks" because people either imagine that "paying for things" or "not striving for absolute perfection" are ideas the commenters hadn't considered when they started out or that they imagine others haven't considered. IDK. Reminds me of when this wealthy lady was like, "Have you been to the DOLLAR STORE? They have so many little things for a dollar that are more expensive everywhere else! It's brilliant, you should try it!"

[Anonymous]

O also, our kids are little enough that we only brush teeth before bed. They’re breath doesn’t stink in the morning. We also don’t wash their sheets every week, they don’t sweat or smell at this age. We do theirs monthly. I will also sometimes bribe my 5 yo with a small piece of candy like a gummy bear to do things faster than she normally would, like get all her clothes on quickly in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM's Amazing "Hacks!"

-Hire someone else to clean, garden, maintain house and take care of kids

-Pay more money for conveniences like meal prep and scheduled delivery and early access to things

-Marry spouse who parents and contributes to functioning of household

-Expect and teach children to do age-appropriate things for themselves, instead of infantilizing them

-Have normal expectations of life and don't feel the need for everything to be The Absolute Most Optimal All The Time

Brilliant, right? Where is my book deal?

Basically-- and I'm not even being snarky, just observing-- the key to "easy parenting" according to DCUM is being UMC or wealthy and yet not buying into the high and unnecessarily (and even regressively) complicated standards of the UMC.

"Hacks" are supposed to be things one might not have thought of. I feel like these things are presented as "hacks" because people either imagine that "paying for things" or "not striving for absolute perfection" are ideas the commenters hadn't considered when they started out or that they imagine others haven't considered. IDK. Reminds me of when this wealthy lady was like, "Have you been to the DOLLAR STORE? They have so many little things for a dollar that are more expensive everywhere else! It's brilliant, you should try it!"

I guess you did not look hard enough for your book deal. Your last bullet point already produced enough parent shaming material to fill a shelf in my local library. I am sure, there is a place for some more publications.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t do those silly monthly baby ‘photo shoots’ with the props for social media. Don’t do extravagant kids birthday parties. Kids are too young still to care what brand their clothes are so I just get everything from Target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM's Amazing "Hacks!"

-Hire someone else to clean, garden, maintain house and take care of kids

-Pay more money for conveniences like meal prep and scheduled delivery and early access to things

-Marry spouse who parents and contributes to functioning of household

-Expect and teach children to do age-appropriate things for themselves, instead of infantilizing them

-Have normal expectations of life and don't feel the need for everything to be The Absolute Most Optimal All The Time

Brilliant, right? Where is my book deal?

Basically-- and I'm not even being snarky, just observing-- the key to "easy parenting" according to DCUM is being UMC or wealthy and yet not buying into the high and unnecessarily (and even regressively) complicated standards of the UMC.

"Hacks" are supposed to be things one might not have thought of. I feel like these things are presented as "hacks" because people either imagine that "paying for things" or "not striving for absolute perfection" are ideas the commenters hadn't considered when they started out or that they imagine others haven't considered. IDK. Reminds me of when this wealthy lady was like, "Have you been to the DOLLAR STORE? They have so many little things for a dollar that are more expensive everywhere else! It's brilliant, you should try it!"

I guess you did not look hard enough for your book deal. Your last bullet point already produced enough parent shaming material to fill a shelf in my local library. I am sure, there is a place for some more publications.

Which is shaming? What are you saying?

There are tons of books on:

How you are a Terrible Parent if you don't do absolutely everything optimally?

Or

How you are a Terrible Parent if you don't just relax, go with the flow, and stop striving so hard and smell all the flowers with your precious precious gifts every day?

I'm well aware there are both, and no shortage of parent shaming.

I'm not actually saying it's easy, per se, to drop the rope on some of these things. But most of them are expectations of a certain class. There's not a lot of perspective-taking here.

(Except for tips like only buying one type and color of sock, that's an actual hack.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:O also, our kids are little enough that we only brush teeth before bed. They’re breath doesn’t stink in the morning. We also don’t wash their sheets every week, they don’t sweat or smell at this age. We do theirs monthly. I will also sometimes bribe my 5 yo with a small piece of candy like a gummy bear to do things faster than she normally would, like get all her clothes on quickly in the morning.

I confess to this, too. I figure every now and then is okay, right?

The bathing every day thing is an American obsession. Moral, Puritanical fury for those of us who have managed to parent normal children without doing so. Also American (particularly DC) is the parenting competition that slackers like us are upending by not participating in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM's Amazing "Hacks!"

-Hire someone else to clean, garden, maintain house and take care of kids

-Pay more money for conveniences like meal prep and scheduled delivery and early access to things

-Marry spouse who parents and contributes to functioning of household

-Expect and teach children to do age-appropriate things for themselves, instead of infantilizing them

-Have normal expectations of life and don't feel the need for everything to be The Absolute Most Optimal All The Time

Brilliant, right? Where is my book deal?

Basically-- and I'm not even being snarky, just observing-- the key to "easy parenting" according to DCUM is being UMC or wealthy and yet not buying into the high and unnecessarily (and even regressively) complicated standards of the UMC.

"Hacks" are supposed to be things one might not have thought of. I feel like these things are presented as "hacks" because people either imagine that "paying for things" or "not striving for absolute perfection" are ideas the commenters hadn't considered when they started out or that they imagine others haven't considered. IDK. Reminds me of when this wealthy lady was like, "Have you been to the DOLLAR STORE? They have so many little things for a dollar that are more expensive everywhere else! It's brilliant, you should try it!"

I'm not wealthy or even UMC. I totally forgot to do that third thing on your list, so I am a single, public school teacher mom of a child with special needs. I still have managed some of the hacks you seem to be implying are out of reach for most people. I have a housekeeper come every two months to do a heavy duty clean. I have a guy mow my little lawn. I have my groceries delivered. I've subscribed to everythign possible on Amazon. (This is actually listed as a money saving tips on some sites, because it really does limit impulse buying.) I am careful with money and make the choice to use it to make my life easier and give me time with my child. I am bothered by the implication that these things are ridiculous luxuries because I really think they are so worth the money, and I recommend that other moms in my situation see if they can find a way to make these lifesavers possible for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM's Amazing "Hacks!"

-Hire someone else to clean, garden, maintain house and take care of kids

-Pay more money for conveniences like meal prep and scheduled delivery and early access to things

-Marry spouse who parents and contributes to functioning of household

-Expect and teach children to do age-appropriate things for themselves, instead of infantilizing them

-Have normal expectations of life and don't feel the need for everything to be The Absolute Most Optimal All The Time

Brilliant, right? Where is my book deal?

Basically-- and I'm not even being snarky, just observing-- the key to "easy parenting" according to DCUM is being UMC or wealthy and yet not buying into the high and unnecessarily (and even regressively) complicated standards of the UMC.

"Hacks" are supposed to be things one might not have thought of. I feel like these things are presented as "hacks" because people either imagine that "paying for things" or "not striving for absolute perfection" are ideas the commenters hadn't considered when they started out or that they imagine others haven't considered. IDK. Reminds me of when this wealthy lady was like, "Have you been to the DOLLAR STORE? They have so many little things for a dollar that are more expensive everywhere else! It's brilliant, you should try it!"

How is this an UMC thing? Are you implying only UMC men parent their children? You're gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is why I chose to stay at home. Inkmow mot everyone has that choice but man every day so just a hurdle for people to clear. Considering cleaning my children and brushing their teeth something that is negotiable. Nope. That’s no way for me to live.

+1. I still work, but we have flexible jobs and a nanny, so all things big and little get done. If I had to resort to these bizarre no-bathing-or-brushing type hacks, I would quit in an instant.

Also, those of you non-bathers, are your children not physically active? I make sure my 4yo sweats every day, whether at the playground, during playdates, or just running laps or playing tag with me chasing her around the house before dinner. Can’t imagine sending her to bed without a bath after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine that - lazy parenting. How revolutionary. The smugness is astounding. Real race to the bottom in this thread.

I'm sorry, who here is being smug?

(hint: it's you)

This has been one of my favorite threads on DCUM for a few reasons:

1) realizing that some people GET OFF on making this as hard as possible because the WORST thing to be is "lazy." I'm so glad (honestly, not sarcastic) that you have this thread to make you feel superior. I mean, why on earth would you even click this thread otherwise? And then COMMENT when clearly no one on this thread wants to hear from you? You'd just be like "Oh, no, I'm not really the bare minimum type, nothing for me here" and move on. Glad we could help.

2) Everything else in DCUM, and a lot of parenting in general in the professional circles of DC, is insanely competitive. And competitive parenting SUCKS. A race to the bottom for once, in one thread, here on DCUM, is such a refreshing change of pace.

3) There are some damn good ideas on here. After reading this, I'm for sure never doing a goody bag.

4) It's good to sometimes feel like you're doing okay, and other people are cutting corners, too.

Re: #2, I completely agree with the hacks to reduce structured activities, throw simple parties, and not over-schedule with a billion play dates. I don’t think anyone is judging those things. But I don’t agree with the poor hygiene hacks, and that has nothing to do with competitive parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weekday breakfasts are toast, yogurt, fruit and cheese, or leftover waffles/packages pulled out of the freezer. One kid leaves the house at 6:40 and the other at 7:30 (MS/HS), no way is anyone making a real breakfast at that hour.

They pack the same lunch 9 days out of 10. I tried variety and they kept requesting the same. So we are going on 4 years now with virtually the same packed lunch (except for the year of virtual school, of course). Requires zero thought or planning on my part.

What is the lunch? Maybe it will work for us too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that the pearl clutchers showed up to this one just proves how American parenting is all about making your own life hard and difficult to prove you’re a good parent. I wonder what the French parenting hacks would be. Or if we’d even recognize them as “hacks”. Who cares how often someone washes their sheets, or if they sleep in their clothes! If you cannot smell them, it is all good. Put down your torches. Different strokes, man. And if we can parent good kids without their having matching socks, or if their teeth are fine without dentist visits at age 3, then… who cares?! (I don’t love the self-congratulatory tone of some of these posts, I must admit… don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back for training your child to carry their own bag. I mean, that’s good- but not the point of this thread!)

I remember reading that when different ancient civilizations encountered Europeans they considered them very smelly. This entire thread makes sense in that context.

So true! Europeans never bathed or washed their hair.