Parenting short cuts - things you skip or do the bare minimum on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine that - lazy parenting. How revolutionary. The smugness is astounding. Real race to the bottom in this thread.

I'm sorry, who here is being smug?

(hint: it's you)

This has been one of my favorite threads on DCUM for a few reasons:

1) realizing that some people GET OFF on making this as hard as possible because the WORST thing to be is "lazy." I'm so glad (honestly, not sarcastic) that you have this thread to make you feel superior. I mean, why on earth would you even click this thread otherwise? And then COMMENT when clearly no one on this thread wants to hear from you? You'd just be like "Oh, no, I'm not really the bare minimum type, nothing for me here" and move on. Glad we could help.

2) Everything else in DCUM, and a lot of parenting in general in the professional circles of DC, is insanely competitive. And competitive parenting SUCKS. A race to the bottom for once, in one thread, here on DCUM, is such a refreshing change of pace.

3) There are some damn good ideas on here. After reading this, I'm for sure never doing a goody bag.

4) It's good to sometimes feel like you're doing okay, and other people are cutting corners, too.

Re: #2, I completely agree with the hacks to reduce structured activities, throw simple parties, and not over-schedule with a billion play dates. I don’t think anyone is judging those things. But I don’t agree with the poor hygiene hacks, and that has nothing to do with competitive parenting.

But it has to do with being American. Not showering every day is NOT poor hygiene!

It really is an American thing. And it uses a lot of clean water. Someday, standards may have to change. Personally, every other day is ok for my kids at least in winter.

I used to make my kid shower every day and it was a huge hassle. He was in ES and honestly, every day he came home with "school smell." Public ES schools, at least in fcps, have this particular smell, and the kids reek of it. It grossed me out. Plus I used to be a teacher and I know that nothing in an fcps ES ever really gets cleaned unless a teacher does it.

But then we went to private. No smell. Now he showers every other day and it's so much easier.

I totally agree about the school smell. I noticed it when my second started school. They smell much better on school breaks, and they play outside and on the playground. Something about the schools makes them smell like metallic sweaty socks. Our kids come home, do their homework + snack and take a bath every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay the only thing that bothers me at all is the bathing once a week. Sheets once a month, fine. Sleeping in next day’s clothes, incredible, I do it myself sometimes for the gym in the morning.

We aim for every other day for a bath. Ignoring everything else like sweat, scalp oil, and environmental grime, once they’re potty trained this is legit gross. Idk about you guys, but my kindergartner isn’t the most fastidious wiper. I can’t imagine the stank of her butt after six or seven days! Do you once a week bathers have bidets, or wipe them down with a wet rag between the cheeks or something?

We bathe more than once a week. However, my DD is incredibly regular and poops once a day, at home, after school. She always gets a wet wipe on her butt after she’s made her pass with toilet paper because I know she’s still bad at it. So if she goes a few days between baths, no, I don’t worry her butt is gross. If I thought her butt was gross, I’d give her a bath.

I wonder if the people insisting on daily baths just have dirtier kids. Like maybe those of us bathing less frequently just have tidier kids who don’t play in the dirt or sweat as much.

Ding ding ding. I would guess most of us have very similar standards, but are dealing with different people’s bodies. I have never smelled. I shower every day because I love showers, but I do not need to for hygiene. Even after a long workout, I am sweaty but don’t have BO. I just don’t have that hormone or something. My hair is not naturally oily at all. My best friend HAS to shower every day or else she looks like a grease ball and feels disgusting. People’s bodies are all different! My son is 8 and doesn’t bathe every day, and looks put together and hygienic (hair brushed, clean face, clean unwrinkled clothes) every day. He smells of nothing but sweet little kid. He knows that when puberty comes, he will need to wash more regularly. Showering more frequently isn’t some sort of skill you’ll lose if you don’t start practicing it as a baby. We will adjust when need be. Of course when he has a soccer game and comes home muddy and sweaty, he goes right into the shower. I guarantee you there is not a poster on here who would do otherwise. Maybe the people who insist on bathing their kids every day have kids who play outside for a lot of the day or are naturally more oily/sweaty? And to the PP, we don’t all have kindergartners just because you do. My 3rd grader can wipe myself perfectly well. If he smelled or appeared dirty in any way of course he would get a shower!

There is something weirdly insecure/juvenile about the posters who insist children need to be scrubbed within an inch of their lives. All the “you’re nasty!” commenters remind me of kids on a playground, deflecting for their own social survival. Do you really think we would just be ok Cuddling our kids at home or sending them to school smelling? I would guess we are all working with a similar set of standards, but different bodies.

[Anonymous]

Baby wipes do not take the place of a proper shower. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Hack for aspiring musicians: virtual private lessons. They tend to be cheaper, and you don't need to drive. You can't start out this way, but after a few years under your belt in person, it's fine. Also, it wouldn't work for any kid who wants to make conservatory or whatever, but if you just want them to play in recitals or the school band/orchestra and enjoy music, this is the way to go. Actually, virtual private anything works well. Its virtual school that sucks, but i've found that private virtual tutoring, dance lessons, piano lessons are all good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay the only thing that bothers me at all is the bathing once a week. Sheets once a month, fine. Sleeping in next day’s clothes, incredible, I do it myself sometimes for the gym in the morning.

We aim for every other day for a bath. Ignoring everything else like sweat, scalp oil, and environmental grime, once they’re potty trained this is legit gross. Idk about you guys, but my kindergartner isn’t the most fastidious wiper. I can’t imagine the stank of her butt after six or seven days! Do you once a week bathers have bidets, or wipe them down with a wet rag between the cheeks or something?

We bathe more than once a week. However, my DD is incredibly regular and poops once a day, at home, after school. She always gets a wet wipe on her butt after she’s made her pass with toilet paper because I know she’s still bad at it. So if she goes a few days between baths, no, I don’t worry her butt is gross. If I thought her butt was gross, I’d give her a bath.

I wonder if the people insisting on daily baths just have dirtier kids. Like maybe those of us bathing less frequently just have tidier kids who don’t play in the dirt or sweat as much.

Ding ding ding. I would guess most of us have very similar standards, but are dealing with different people’s bodies. I have never smelled. I shower every day because I love showers, but I do not need to for hygiene. Even after a long workout, I am sweaty but don’t have BO. I just don’t have that hormone or something. My hair is not naturally oily at all. My best friend HAS to shower every day or else she looks like a grease ball and feels disgusting. People’s bodies are all different! My son is 8 and doesn’t bathe every day, and looks put together and hygienic (hair brushed, clean face, clean unwrinkled clothes) every day. He smells of nothing but sweet little kid. He knows that when puberty comes, he will need to wash more regularly. Showering more frequently isn’t some sort of skill you’ll lose if you don’t start practicing it as a baby. We will adjust when need be. Of course when he has a soccer game and comes home muddy and sweaty, he goes right into the shower. I guarantee you there is not a poster on here who would do otherwise. Maybe the people who insist on bathing their kids every day have kids who play outside for a lot of the day or are naturally more oily/sweaty? And to the PP, we don’t all have kindergartners just because you do. My 3rd grader can wipe myself perfectly well. If he smelled or appeared dirty in any way of course he would get a shower!

There is something weirdly insecure/juvenile about the posters who insist children need to be scrubbed within an inch of their lives. All the “you’re nasty!” commenters remind me of kids on a playground, deflecting for their own social survival. Do you really think we would just be ok Cuddling our kids at home or sending them to school smelling? I would guess we are all working with a similar set of standards, but different bodies.

There is a big difference between every day and weekly! For girls and uncircumcised boys cleanliness isn’t just a virtue but a part of good health.

[Anonymous]

Kids shower 2x/week in the winter 3x/week in the summer. My youngest had terrible eczema as a a baby, I took her to a pediatric derm who recommended reducing her baths/showers. It worked out well for her and cut our evening routine noticeably.

No holiday stress. I don't decorate for holidays or give everyone gifts. I know this won't be possible for every family, but that's what we have done from the beginning. We decorate if it is a kids activity.

Live very close to school/daycare/camps. We compromised on the size of our place and other factors to make life convenient for drop off/pick up early on. They walk by themselves now.

Very few scheduled activities. Preferably the activity will be afterschool and at school.

Keeping snacks on the low shelf. Kids get their own snacks after school because we both need to work at the time.


I had a boss once tell me, "your kids will be fine," in the kindest tone possible when I was stressing about parenting. I repeat that to myself often and tell others as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Ding ding ding. I would guess most of us have very similar standards, but are dealing with different people’s bodies. I have never smelled. I shower every day because I love showers, but I do not need to for hygiene. Even after a long workout, I am sweaty but don’t have BO. I just don’t have that hormone or something. My hair is not naturally oily at all. My best friend HAS to shower every day or else she looks like a grease ball and feels disgusting. People’s bodies are all different! My son is 8 and doesn’t bathe every day, and looks put together and hygienic (hair brushed, clean face, clean unwrinkled clothes) every day. He smells of nothing but sweet little kid. He knows that when puberty comes, he will need to wash more regularly. Showering more frequently isn’t some sort of skill you’ll lose if you don’t start practicing it as a baby. We will adjust when need be. Of course when he has a soccer game and comes home muddy and sweaty, he goes right into the shower. I guarantee you there is not a poster on here who would do otherwise. Maybe the people who insist on bathing their kids every day have kids who play outside for a lot of the day or are naturally more oily/sweaty? And to the PP, we don’t all have kindergartners just because you do. My 3rd grader can wipe myself perfectly well. If he smelled or appeared dirty in any way of course he would get a shower!

There is something weirdly insecure/juvenile about the posters who insist children need to be scrubbed within an inch of their lives. All the “you’re nasty!” commenters remind me of kids on a playground, deflecting for their own social survival. Do you really think we would just be ok Cuddling our kids at home or sending them to school smelling? I would guess we are all working with a similar set of standards, but different bodies.

+All this. My 8 yo DC still has the sweet little kid smell no BO even after going to school and playing outside etc. So yeah showers once a week, but change clothes daily and brush hair etc. I remember growing up with daily showers and in my culture that is the norm but we did lots of things without thinking and I would want to be more discerning and not just follow some custom blindly.

[Anonymous]

Kids responsible for their own laundry starting at 8. One of my kids is good about doing his laundry, the other constantly wears dirty clothes. I have trained myself not to care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is why I chose to stay at home. Inkmow mot everyone has that choice but man every day so just a hurdle for people to clear. Considering cleaning my children and brushing their teeth something that is negotiable. Nope. That’s no way for me to live.

Well, I work full-time but my kids are bathed daily and their teeth brushed twice a day. Oh, and all the beds get washed once a week. Imagine that.

+1. I know, right? Who knew we were such capable unicorns?

[Anonymous]

Our ped told us not to do baths every day. it's not good for their skin. we do baths every other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a hack that makes it easier to dress my kids in the morning.

Before dressing them for the day, I spin their clothes in the clothes dryer to warm it up. My kids do not fuss to change if their clothes are warm and toasty.

I don’t know if it fits the purpose of a thread but THIS is a good hack. It’s not environmentally friendly but I don’t care.

These “hacks” on this thread are all so individual they are virtually useless to anyone else. For example, you know what my “hack” is? Hang all wet laundry to save energy , get the kids to help, have them take turns, teach them to hang it in the creases and along the seams so that it all hangs and dries with as few wrinkles as possible.

This will drive the two PPs above me crazy. But hey it is a “hack,” right?

[Anonymous]

I buy very few pre-prepared foods so I have to have food around for (mostly) my husband to eat. (Besides the two of us, we just have two young daughters.). So I do what I personally and privately consider “defensive” cooking: have a few things like chili, stew, soup, bbq meat, etc ready and in fridge at all times. “Defensive cooking” — it buys me time and space, helps me plan ahead, manage the budget, keeps ahead of everyone’s immediate needs. A good defense is key to a good offense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that the pearl clutchers showed up to this one just proves how American parenting is all about making your own life hard and difficult to prove you’re a good parent. I wonder what the French parenting hacks would be. Or if we’d even recognize them as “hacks”. Who cares how often someone washes their sheets, or if they sleep in their clothes! If you cannot smell them, it is all good. Put down your torches. Different strokes, man. And if we can parent good kids without their having matching socks, or if their teeth are fine without dentist visits at age 3, then… who cares?! (I don’t love the self-congratulatory tone of some of these posts, I must admit… don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back for training your child to carry their own bag. I mean, that’s good- but not the point of this thread!)

I remember reading that when different ancient civilizations encountered Europeans they considered them very smelly. This entire thread makes sense in that context.

So true! Europeans never bathed or washed their hair.

We build saunas just for washing and melt snow for the same reason. I don't see how areas with drought were able to keep themselves cleaner. I do see the need to bring this point up every once in awhile. I would bring it up too.
For many Americans: scrubbing better makes people cleaner, not standing under the water for 30 minutes and letting it run down the drain.
Parenting hack? Skipping playmates and most birthdays. Not doing those big birthdays with the whole class. EU hack? Not sure if it's a hack, but most kids don't need parental supervision all hours once they start school. They can get themselves to school and back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- Since DH wakes up early to start WFH, and the preschooler and toddler wake up way too early (usually between 6:30-7), we've gotten into an awesome routine where DH dresses them, takes them to the potty, sits them on the couch, turns on an educational show for them (like Blippi!), gives them bowls of fruit...

So I can sleep in with the baby! Waking up and getting them ready for school is so much easier since we started this routine!

A year or two ago, I never would have liked/would have argued about: the kids eating breakfast on the couch or watching a show before school. Maybe I would even have wanted to dress them myself so they'd be in "cute" outfits.

Since having baby #3 all I have is gratitude. Whatever makes everyone happy and buys me more sleep

- Also: PAPER PLATES. I used to think this was such a waste/cheap. Well, I got tired of doing dishes multiple times a day during this pandemic when we'd regularly spend every. Single. Day. Home. So. Many. Dishes!!!! We now use paper plates and bowls about 90% of the time!!!

I have never understood the paper plates thing. Do you not have a good dishwasher? Our dishes don't have to be pre-rinsed (we just brush large food chunks off, which we don't have to, but it means we don't have to clean the filter as often), and everyone puts their own dishes in the dishwasher. Yes, they then have to be put away, but if we threw away all the dishes we used daily we'd have to take the trash out more. Maybe I'm missing out on the paper plate craze but they have never seemed easier to me.

I always bring new moms a huge pack of paper plates. We used them for three months after my second was born.

[Anonymous]

No way am I alone in this one so for anyone lurking who does the same....

Unlimited screen time.