Wedding gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am Jewish so I have always gifted cash/checks in multiples of 18. When I was young I would gift $18 for a bar/bat mitzvah. As a grad student I would gift $36 at weddings justifying it as it was for two people. When I got a job it jumped to $90, because $36 seemed cheap. Once I got married and we were going to events as a couple, it grew to $180 again because $90 seemed cheap. At some point after that it grew to $324 (18*18). A few years ago I said screw it and now give $18 for everything and never doubt myself.

Hahaha I like you PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

Then why are you asking this question?

You came on here soliciting advice and you got advice and now you're complaining people are calling your husband a spoiled brat (hint, no one did).

I agree that cash gifts are lazy gifts for people who already have some money. You indicated your husband is senior in-house and his friend started his own law practice. Without more information that suggests both men are solidly comfortably off. In my circle, a cash gift would be meh. Because we don't need the cash, per se, and it's not a thoughtful gift. I wouldn't mind not getting any gift whatsoever, just your presence as a good friend is all I'd want. There are many successful lawyers and professionals in our social set, and we're all in our early 40s, and at these occasions we tend to give a special gift like a very nice bottle of wine if we know the person or couple enjoys wine. Or treat them to a very nice dinner. We don't give cash.

Now you tell us you had received $300 in cash from this person at your wedding some years ago. Then I suppose it's fair for you to do the same and gift them $300 to $400 in cash. Call it $350 and a the deed is done.

[Anonymous]

For people who don't have a registry cash is fine. It will help defray the cost of the wedding and/or help them with the honeymoon. I think your gift amount is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

Then why are you asking this question?

You came on here soliciting advice and you got advice and now you're complaining people are calling your husband a spoiled brat (hint, no one did).

I agree that cash gifts are lazy gifts for people who already have some money. You indicated your husband is senior in-house and his friend started his own law practice. Without more information that suggests both men are solidly comfortably off. In my circle, a cash gift would be meh. Because we don't need the cash, per se, and it's not a thoughtful gift. I wouldn't mind not getting any gift whatsoever, just your presence as a good friend is all I'd want. There are many successful lawyers and professionals in our social set, and we're all in our early 40s, and at these occasions we tend to give a special gift like a very nice bottle of wine if we know the person or couple enjoys wine. Or treat them to a very nice dinner. We don't give cash.

Now you tell us you had received $300 in cash from this person at your wedding some years ago. Then I suppose it's fair for you to do the same and gift them $300 to $400 in cash. Call it $350 and a the deed is done.

DCUM never fails to amuse with the smug superiority of people who will forever deny that they've done anything wrong at all.

If you say a gift is pointless or lazy because the giver has plenty of money, then it's not much of a reach to assume at that you are calling someone a spoiled brat. And nobody cares that you like to give fancy wine, which is also a pretty impersonal and lazy gift, unless there is some kind of special connection to the particular wine. But of course the most important part is walking away feeling smug that you didn't dirty yourself with something so pedestrian and middle class as money. OP came seeking advice as to the appropriate amount of a gift to give. I'm sure you read a response that said "Get them commemorative Dale Earnhardt plates", you would scoff and say (to yourself if not here) that such a comment does not belong in the thread.

OP, the gift sounds totally reasonable in my set with similar professions, but a bit younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

NP here and yikes! OP you sound pretty spoiled in this response. I always prefer thoughtful gifts to cash, too. You clearly want to give cash, so call it $400 and move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

NO...you got it all wrong OP. Attorneys just don't have a heart. You have the $$ but no heart to gift it to someone who in my opinion represents a close relationship. Certainly $300 or even $3K would not make a dent, long term in your pocket. It's all about the heart and you both are lacking. Sorry. You asked for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

NO...you got it all wrong OP. Attorneys just don't have a heart. You have the $$ but no heart to gift it to someone who in my opinion represents a close relationship. Certainly $300 or even $3K would not make a dent, long term in your pocket. It's all about the heart and you both are lacking. Sorry. You asked for it.

Not OP but you need to chill out. Giving cash often means the person is practical and not “lacking heart.” I think many people who insist on giving an actual gift rather than cash do so for narcissistic reasons. You give an actual gift for reasons that have to do with you — you want the receiver to think of you every time they use the gift or to associate you with some memorable experience. You want to be acknowledged as some kind of clever gift giver who really understands the desires of the recipient. You expect to be fawned over. More often than not, gifts wind up returned, thrown out, or passed along in a buy nothing group. It is an incredible waste and often very frustrating to the recipient. Most of us do not want more crap we didn’t choose for ourselves. I’d absolutely hate receiving a $400 case of wine. Blind taste tests conducted on so called wine experts who even they cannot tell what’s an expensive versus cheap wine. I’d just roll my eyes at such a gift. A gift certificate for a nice dinner out — ok, fine, but often it feels like a chore you’ve given me. I have to make reservations, find a baby sitter, figure out how to spend the right amount on food so I don’t end up spending even more (on top of the babysitter) at a restaurant that may not be my cup of tea.

So, all this to say, cash is fine. You don’t lack “heart” if you stick to cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

NO...you got it all wrong OP. Attorneys just don't have a heart. You have the $$ but no heart to gift it to someone who in my opinion represents a close relationship. Certainly $300 or even $3K would not make a dent, long term in your pocket. It's all about the heart and you both are lacking. Sorry. You asked for it.

Not OP but you need to chill out. Giving cash often means the person is practical and not “lacking heart.” I think many people who insist on giving an actual gift rather than cash do so for narcissistic reasons. You give an actual gift for reasons that have to do with you — you want the receiver to think of you every time they use the gift or to associate you with some memorable experience. You want to be acknowledged as some kind of clever gift giver who really understands the desires of the recipient. You expect to be fawned over. More often than not, gifts wind up returned, thrown out, or passed along in a buy nothing group. It is an incredible waste and often very frustrating to the recipient. Most of us do not want more crap we didn’t choose for ourselves. I’d absolutely hate receiving a $400 case of wine. Blind taste tests conducted on so called wine experts who even they cannot tell what’s an expensive versus cheap wine. I’d just roll my eyes at such a gift. A gift certificate for a nice dinner out — ok, fine, but often it feels like a chore you’ve given me. I have to make reservations, find a baby sitter, figure out how to spend the right amount on food so I don’t end up spending even more (on top of the babysitter) at a restaurant that may not be my cup of tea.

So, all this to say, cash is fine. You don’t lack “heart” if you stick to cash.

Yeah, I think all of this comes down class attitudes. Some groups see giving cash as a bad thing for others it's the standard gift. There is no need to insult anyone's gift whether they want to give an experience, wine, cash, or fine china. Each of those gifts is going to have someone scoff.

OP, I think I'm roughly similar set: attorney from a working class Midwest background but a bit younger. Your gift seems fine to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

NP. Using an inflation calculator, $300 10 years ago is about $375 today. Give them $400 and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

Give $500 if he flew across the country and gave you $300 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a healthy amount for a wedding gift?
They don’t have a wedding registry.
We are thinking $300-400 cash. Is it adequate number with current inflation?

That seems like a lot. How close are these people? We typically do $100 per invited head, but maybe that's outdated.

The groom is one of my DH close friends.
He flu to our wedding across the country 10 years ago.

I'm guessing on the older side (closer to 40 or older?). No registry suggests a couple already financially set and with all the things they need.

Cash would seem impersonal, as it always is. It sort of makes more sense for a younger couple but not for older people.

I'd be looking at a case of very, very, nice wine. Or a premium set of bed linens. Something genuinely nice and a bit more personal than just cash.

I hope nobody ever spends that much on wine for me - what a waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a healthy amount for a wedding gift?
They don’t have a wedding registry.
We are thinking $300-400 cash. Is it adequate number with current inflation?

That's a fine gift. Registries can be higher grade replacement of lower grade but serviceable stuff they own. Some couples do funds from honeymoon to events. If they don't want fancy china or crystal what would go on a registry? We know a couple who got married within the last few years that didn't want $, had 2 bedroom condo, massive stuff on a jumbo registry and a 250+ person wedding. Location of stuff unknown.

There are always guests who want to give objects to be remembered by and sometimes those objects make the memory of the return or even donating the object. No registry or limited registry means they want cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a healthy amount for a wedding gift?
They don’t have a wedding registry.
We are thinking $300-400 cash. Is it adequate number with current inflation?

That seems like a lot. How close are these people? We typically do $100 per invited head, but maybe that's outdated.

The groom is one of my DH close friends.
He flu to our wedding across the country 10 years ago.

I'm guessing on the older side (closer to 40 or older?). No registry suggests a couple already financially set and with all the things they need.

Cash would seem impersonal, as it always is. It sort of makes more sense for a younger couple but not for older people.

I'd be looking at a case of very, very, nice wine. Or a premium set of bed linens. Something genuinely nice and a bit more personal than just cash.

Noooo. Don't listen to this person. Cash, please.

[Anonymous]

Registers are cash grabs. We registered at a store where gifts fully returnable. We told it in-laws and parents etc what we really wanted if they wanted to buy. They got first pick. I did not advertised it existed except for a few folks who asked. Most of those I returned. Sorry can’t pay DJ and Limo and bar tab with a blender

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a healthy amount for a wedding gift?
They don’t have a wedding registry.
We are thinking $300-400 cash. Is it adequate number with current inflation?

That seems like a lot. How close are these people? We typically do $100 per invited head, but maybe that's outdated.

The groom is one of my DH close friends.
He flu to our wedding across the country 10 years ago.

I'm guessing on the older side (closer to 40 or older?). No registry suggests a couple already financially set and with all the things they need.

Cash would seem impersonal, as it always is. It sort of makes more sense for a younger couple but not for older people.

I'd be looking at a case of very, very, nice wine. Or a premium set of bed linens. Something genuinely nice and a bit more personal than just cash.

Noooo. Don't listen to this person. Cash, please.

I've seen enough of these threads to know that for some people on DCUM there is only ever one appropriate gift and that is cash. But iff a good friend gave me $400 I'd find it weird and impersonal. I've never received cash like that. I don't need the money either. I'd be more touched if he arranged a nice dinner for me or gave me a special bottle of wine or whisky as I do enjoy both. It reflects that he took the time to think about me and what I'd enjoy. A round of golfing would be a good gift too. But $400 in cash? Ok... if he was a really good friend I might even be a bit insulted although I'd try not to see it that way.