Could this work short term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you okay if he goes away for the weekend or takes her out to dinner?

I'm baffled. But, I married for love and we still always have sex, even at 22 years later.

But, I don't see how anyone could be okay while spouse was wining and dining someone else. And, what about your kid? At some point he is going to find out.

How do you plan on handling friends or heaven forbid your kids see them out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a simliar situation--no sex for many years and not planned pregnancy (without cheating). He would not agree to an open marriage. We divorced. It's fine. I feel so much better than being married.

I guess the hassle of divorce seems unnecessary right now. We both want the house, we don’t like the idea of figuring out custody stuff or putting the kids through all the changes that go with it. Plus, I don’t hate the guy. Divorce seems so hostile. I don’t mind continuing to live the way we do. I’m happy with our lives and want him happy too. If that means he sees someone else for fulfillment than so be it.

If he got serious with someone else that would be a different situation. Obviously we’d have to reevaluate. Things would probably have to change then…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you okay if he goes away for the weekend or takes her out to dinner?

I'm baffled. But, I married for love and we still always have sex, even at 22 years later.

But, I don't see how anyone could be okay while spouse was wining and dining someone else. And, what about your kid? At some point he is going to find out.

How do you plan on handling friends or heaven forbid your kids see them out?

Haven’t gotten that far. I guess be honest with the older ones? Our older two are 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when his sidepiece wants a ring and make it legit?

Or she gets pregnant....

Current sidepiece seems to be okay with the arrangement and he can get a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when his sidepiece wants a ring and make it legit?

Or she gets pregnant....

Current sidepiece seems to be okay with the arrangement and he can get a vasectomy.

We'll see OP.

[Anonymous]

If you are both ok with it then who am I to judge. But the odds are good that at some point one of you will not be. Just make sure you don’t come out on the losing end.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think these seems fine and many people nowadays experiment with it. Sometimes you can be family together without necessarily expecting sex. It’s only recently that all those roles — friend, loved, spouse, coparent — were rolled into one and sometimes it just doesn’t make sense. Sounds like you know things could change for either one of you but that’s true regardless.

Good for you and I hope you find happiness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a simliar situation--no sex for many years and not planned pregnancy (without cheating). He would not agree to an open marriage. We divorced. It's fine. I feel so much better than being married.

I guess the hassle of divorce seems unnecessary right now. We both want the house, we don’t like the idea of figuring out custody stuff or putting the kids through all the changes that go with it. Plus, I don’t hate the guy. Divorce seems so hostile. I don’t mind continuing to live the way we do. I’m happy with our lives and want him happy too. If that means he sees someone else for fulfillment than so be it.

If he got serious with someone else that would be a different situation. Obviously we’d have to reevaluate. Things would probably have to change then…

I really think it is fine to stay married in this situation. I am the poster who had a situation where I would be fine but he did not want an open marriage. Emotions for me in a divorce were nonexistent...exactly like the marriage. The logistics of housing has been the biggest PIA. Guess what? We are divorced and still roomates. COVID happened as it was final. Nothing has changed. My sense is whether you are married or divorced, not much will change. Most people do not understand these situations but I totally get it.

I would just do what you plan until it does not work anymore...thern reevaluate later.

[Anonymous]

OP I think divorce doesn’t have to be hostile, but you might find this book helpful if you consider the route you’re considering. People do make it work.

https://www.amazon.com/Polysecure-Attachment-Trauma-Consensual-Nonmonogamy/dp/1944934987

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when his sidepiece wants a ring and make it legit?

Or she gets pregnant....

Current sidepiece seems to be okay with the arrangement and he can get a vasectomy.

We'll see OP.

I’m the OP and that’s not my response. I have no idea what this other woman wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a simliar situation--no sex for many years and not planned pregnancy (without cheating). He would not agree to an open marriage. We divorced. It's fine. I feel so much better than being married.

I guess the hassle of divorce seems unnecessary right now. We both want the house, we don’t like the idea of figuring out custody stuff or putting the kids through all the changes that go with it. Plus, I don’t hate the guy. Divorce seems so hostile. I don’t mind continuing to live the way we do. I’m happy with our lives and want him happy too. If that means he sees someone else for fulfillment than so be it.

If he got serious with someone else that would be a different situation. Obviously we’d have to reevaluate. Things would probably have to change then…

I really think it is fine to stay married in this situation. I am the poster who had a situation where I would be fine but he did not want an open marriage. Emotions for me in a divorce were nonexistent...exactly like the marriage. The logistics of housing has been the biggest PIA. Guess what? We are divorced and still roomates. COVID happened as it was final. Nothing has changed. My sense is whether you are married or divorced, not much will change. Most people do not understand these situations but I totally get it.

I would just do what you plan until it does not work anymore...thern reevaluate later.

That’s my goal. We’re both on the same page so other than others not understanding or judgment I don’t see why we can’t try. I feel like this is preferable to immediately proceeding with divorce and having him move out. Of course,
If that’s what he wants than that’s what he wants. But for now, we seem to agree on how we want this to play out for now.

[Anonymous]

How do you plan on modeling affection between you two in front of your kids?

[Anonymous]

Do you care about modeling a loving caring adult marriage for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you plan on modeling affection between you two in front of your kids?

They can model respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you care about modeling a loving caring adult marriage for your kids?

…by divorcing?!

That ship has sailed.