Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In

[Anonymous]

He sounds immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Six months? LOL, anyone who wants to move in and start talking about marriage after ONLY six months is crazy. I had college relationships 3x longer! Seriously, you need to date someone for AT LEAST 1.5-2 YEARS before thinking of marriage. Why? Because six months is still the BS "have sex everyday" and "show your best side" phase a relationship. After a year, that crap passes and you see the REAL person. Then you decide.

I don't agree with this at all. A lot can depend on the age when meeting someone. And the arbitrary dating for 2 years before talking marriage trips so many people up.

It's not wrong OP would like to wait either/

At what age does it makes sense that two people know each other well enough IN SIX MONTHS OF DATING to start talking about marriage? That's fantasy talk. Also, if it's a serious relationship there is zero need to rush into getting married. Six month is half a year - HALF A YEAR!!! Society today is just too impatient. When I was younger a "long term" relationship was closer to a year...not six months. Doesn't matter if you're age 20 or 50. Six months is not enough time to really know someone. Not to the point where you know the REAL person. Not the "show the best side" person.

Also, I agree with OP. She should wait because six months is way too short. Unless this guy is insecure or something, there is no issue of waiting. Again, six months is nothing for dating.

Get back in your nursing home grandpa.

Most everyone knows whether they’ll get married by 6 months. She’s not saying they’re getting married tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Six months? LOL, anyone who wants to move in and start talking about marriage after ONLY six months is crazy. I had college relationships 3x longer! Seriously, you need to date someone for AT LEAST 1.5-2 YEARS before thinking of marriage. Why? Because six months is still the BS "have sex everyday" and "show your best side" phase a relationship. After a year, that crap passes and you see the REAL person. Then you decide.

OP here. I agree with you and this is one of the reasons why I want to wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were your reasons why?

OP here. Past relationship. I spent a year with my ex. I moved in at 6 months with him and we planned to get married. I thought I knew him very well, but engagement never came, and I started to see more things about him I didn’t like that I never saw before. I feel like you can really never know someone in that short amount of time. Lust blinds you for that first 6-12 months. This has nothing to do with my feelings. It does not mean I don’t see a future with him and that I don’t love him. Why rush such a big decision that is meant to last a lifetime? So many people rush and then end up divorced. I don’t want to be one of them.

I asked him why he was becoming distant today and he said he’s not sure I love him, and he doesn’t want to get hurt. He explained that me rejecting him told him that I’m not really in love with him, and he is protecting himself from getting any closer to me.

His reaction is not good.
You bringing up your ex also not good. I'm not sure this guy is right for you and it's probably best if you part ways. But you need to deal with your issues with your ex and not project it int o future relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were your reasons why?

OP here. Past relationship. I spent a year with my ex. I moved in at 6 months with him and we planned to get married. I thought I knew him very well, but engagement never came, and I started to see more things about him I didn’t like that I never saw before. I feel like you can really never know someone in that short amount of time. Lust blinds you for that first 6-12 months. This has nothing to do with my feelings. It does not mean I don’t see a future with him and that I don’t love him. Why rush such a big decision that is meant to last a lifetime? So many people rush and then end up divorced. I don’t want to be one of them.

I asked him why he was becoming distant today and he said he’s not sure I love him, and he doesn’t want to get hurt. He explained that me rejecting him told him that I’m not really in love with him, and he is protecting himself from getting any closer to me.

Aaaaaand this is EXACTLY what I was talking about. Thank you OP!!!! Six month to a year is NOT LONG ENOUGH to know the real person. Thank you OP! Perfect example.

To the OP: Don't let this guy force you into something you are not comfortable with. His excuse is BS (and I'm a man). If he REALLY cared about you he would continue to get to know you. By not doing so shows some of his negative personality traits. Again, six months is a drop in a bucket when it comes to dating time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were your reasons why?

OP here. Past relationship. I spent a year with my ex. I moved in at 6 months with him and we planned to get married. I thought I knew him very well, but engagement never came, and I started to see more things about him I didn’t like that I never saw before. I feel like you can really never know someone in that short amount of time. Lust blinds you for that first 6-12 months. This has nothing to do with my feelings. It does not mean I don’t see a future with him and that I don’t love him. Why rush such a big decision that is meant to last a lifetime? So many people rush and then end up divorced. I don’t want to be one of them.

I asked him why he was becoming distant today and he said he’s not sure I love him, and he doesn’t want to get hurt. He explained that me rejecting him told him that I’m not really in love with him, and he is protecting himself from getting any closer to me.

His reaction is not good.
You bringing up your ex also not good. I'm not sure this guy is right for you and it's probably best if you part ways. But you need to deal with your issues with your ex and not project it int o future relationships.

OP here. My ex is not an issue. It’s an important life life lesson not to rush. That’s it. Even if I didn’t have the situation with my ex, I would still feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Six months? LOL, anyone who wants to move in and start talking about marriage after ONLY six months is crazy. I had college relationships 3x longer! Seriously, you need to date someone for AT LEAST 1.5-2 YEARS before thinking of marriage. Why? Because six months is still the BS "have sex everyday" and "show your best side" phase a relationship. After a year, that crap passes and you see the REAL person. Then you decide.

I don't agree with this at all. A lot can depend on the age when meeting someone. And the arbitrary dating for 2 years before talking marriage trips so many people up.

It's not wrong OP would like to wait either/

At what age does it makes sense that two people know each other well enough IN SIX MONTHS OF DATING to start talking about marriage? That's fantasy talk. Also, if it's a serious relationship there is zero need to rush into getting married. Six month is half a year - HALF A YEAR!!! Society today is just too impatient. When I was younger a "long term" relationship was closer to a year...not six months. Doesn't matter if you're age 20 or 50. Six months is not enough time to really know someone. Not to the point where you know the REAL person. Not the "show the best side" person.

Also, I agree with OP. She should wait because six months is way too short. Unless this guy is insecure or something, there is no issue of waiting. Again, six months is nothing for dating.

Not so crazy if both parties are over 35. I disagree with you. Continuing to reply to me and typing in caps is not going to change that.

Good to know you think people over 35 years of age can make life altering decisions in the span of only six months.

Got it. Good luck with that.

I already know you'd make a terrible life partner and our interactions amount to less than a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were your reasons why?

OP here. Past relationship. I spent a year with my ex. I moved in at 6 months with him and we planned to get married. I thought I knew him very well, but engagement never came, and I started to see more things about him I didn’t like that I never saw before. I feel like you can really never know someone in that short amount of time. Lust blinds you for that first 6-12 months. This has nothing to do with my feelings. It does not mean I don’t see a future with him and that I don’t love him. Why rush such a big decision that is meant to last a lifetime? So many people rush and then end up divorced. I don’t want to be one of them.

I asked him why he was becoming distant today and he said he’s not sure I love him, and he doesn’t want to get hurt. He explained that me rejecting him told him that I’m not really in love with him, and he is protecting himself from getting any closer to me.

Aaaaaand this is EXACTLY what I was talking about. Thank you OP!!!! Six month to a year is NOT LONG ENOUGH to know the real person. Thank you OP! Perfect example.

To the OP: Don't let this guy force you into something you are not comfortable with. His excuse is BS (and I'm a man). If he REALLY cared about you he would continue to get to know you. By not doing so shows some of his negative personality traits. Again, six months is a drop in a bucket when it comes to dating time.

Sockpuppeting is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

He’s only proving to you that you’re making the right decision. He sounds immature. Consider looking elsewhere for a life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were your reasons why?

OP here. Past relationship. I spent a year with my ex. I moved in at 6 months with him and we planned to get married. I thought I knew him very well, but engagement never came, and I started to see more things about him I didn’t like that I never saw before. I feel like you can really never know someone in that short amount of time. Lust blinds you for that first 6-12 months. This has nothing to do with my feelings. It does not mean I don’t see a future with him and that I don’t love him. Why rush such a big decision that is meant to last a lifetime? So many people rush and then end up divorced. I don’t want to be one of them.

I asked him why he was becoming distant today and he said he’s not sure I love him, and he doesn’t want to get hurt. He explained that me rejecting him told him that I’m not really in love with him, and he is protecting himself from getting any closer to me.

His reaction is not good.
You bringing up your ex also not good. I'm not sure this guy is right for you and it's probably best if you part ways. But you need to deal with your issues with your ex and not project it int o future relationships.

OP here. My ex is not an issue. It’s an important life life lesson not to rush. That’s it. Even if I didn’t have the situation with my ex, I would still feel the same.

It's an issue. Instead of simply saying you want to wait to get to know each other better, which is totally fine. You brought another man into and basically told your boyfriend he was going to be like him, all men are jerks etc.

Totally fine to want to wait. Not fine to bring old drama into a new relationship.

Another thing you may want to work on your picker because your ex sounds like a jerk and this one seems immature.

[Anonymous]

Well is he has decided to pull away and avoid getting closer, then I guess things are really heading in the opposite direction from moving towards moving in together and getting married. He doubts your love and does not respect your wish to wait what most would consider a reasonable time. Just might not be a good match. Better to know that now.

[Anonymous]

OP, your reasons are wise. His response is self protection, also wise..for him. I think that you can find a way to reassure him of your commitment to the relationship while still progressing at a comfortable speed. I think his response shows perhaps a sensitivity that you were not aware of, and now you know. I don’t agree with the automatic dump him posters. It’s good that you were able to communicate and get to the bottom of it. It sounds like he gave you an honest answer showing vulnerability on his part. Not bad for a young six month relationship!

[Anonymous]

His reaction is a giant red flag. At best, it's immature. At worst, it's manipulative. This is not how emotionally mature, functional people behave.

(The PP who is making an issue of you mentioning lessons learned from your ex is really off-base. It reeks of insecurity.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reasons are wise. His response is self protection, also wise..for him. I think that you can find a way to reassure him of your commitment to the relationship while still progressing at a comfortable speed. I think his response shows perhaps a sensitivity that you were not aware of, and now you know. I don’t agree with the automatic dump him posters. It’s good that you were able to communicate and get to the bottom of it. It sounds like he gave you an honest answer showing vulnerability on his part. Not bad for a young six month relationship!

This is also a fair point. I understand OP's point of view, but I can also see why her boyfriend would be unsure of things now given how she chose to word things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were your reasons why?

OP here. Past relationship. I spent a year with my ex. I moved in at 6 months with him and we planned to get married. I thought I knew him very well, but engagement never came, and I started to see more things about him I didn’t like that I never saw before. I feel like you can really never know someone in that short amount of time. Lust blinds you for that first 6-12 months. This has nothing to do with my feelings. It does not mean I don’t see a future with him and that I don’t love him. Why rush such a big decision that is meant to last a lifetime? So many people rush and then end up divorced. I don’t want to be one of them.

I asked him why he was becoming distant today and he said he’s not sure I love him, and he doesn’t want to get hurt. He explained that me rejecting him told him that I’m not really in love with him, and he is protecting himself from getting any closer to me.

His reaction is not good.
You bringing up your ex also not good. I'm not sure this guy is right for you and it's probably best if you part ways. But you need to deal with your issues with your ex and not project it int o future relationships.

OP here. My ex is not an issue. It’s an important life life lesson not to rush. That’s it. Even if I didn’t have the situation with my ex, I would still feel the same.

It's an issue. Instead of simply saying you want to wait to get to know each other better, which is totally fine. You brought another man into and basically told your boyfriend he was going to be like him, all men are jerks etc.

Totally fine to want to wait. Not fine to bring old drama into a new relationship.

Another thing you may want to work on your picker because your ex sounds like a jerk and this one seems immature.

OP here. I mentioning the life lesson I’ve learned from a past relationship on here, but my ex was not brought up into the conversation with my boyfriend. The only reason I have was that I was not comfortable moving so fast, and that I wanted to wait longer before making a serious commitment.