Future FIL made derogatory comments about his son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Maybe they were joking.

2. Why do you seem so unfamiliar with your fiance's family. How long have you known your fiance? How much interaction have you had with his family?

Less than a year--I have interacted with them a lot but in a short period of time. There have been a few comments like this to me and now I am concerned.

So you don't really know your fiance that well. I'd slow it down. You may find he's wonderful as you think, but then you have to decide if you want to live with toxic family members, or their assesment could be accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness, but you seem a little naive/delicate/sheltered.

Not really. I think our families are just different. They are a military family and my family is not.

NP here. TO be frank you don't know his family or your fiance enough to be making any sort of proclamations about whatever dynamics they have.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they were warning you about something. You better pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did he say? How close is your fiance to his dad/family?

They seem pretty close. I am not sure what to make of this. I don't know if it says more about the FIL than my fiance.

DP. Your fiancé may be a liability...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did he say? Was it something that you didn’t know about your fiancé’s character? I would keep it in the back of my mind and observe.

Said he was dumping him on me.

Was he serious? Did he say why?
It could be a moment of frustration, or the expression of a deep-seated issue with your fiance. Why don’t you dig down before committing yourself. Wish I’d done that…

No, just said that--like he's your problem now. SIL agreed. I'm shocked. Fiance is smart, well-educated, outgoing, interesting, king, loving, etc. I just don't know where this is coming from or what to make of it.

RUN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness, but you seem a little naive/delicate/sheltered.

Not really. I think our families are just different. They are a military family and my family is not.

NP here. TO be frank you don't know his family or your fiance enough to be making any sort of proclamations about whatever dynamics they have.

I didn't make any proclamations--I just said our families are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they were warning you about something. You better pay attention.

That's what it felt like. I'm just shocked that the father isn't more supportive of his own son. Makes me question him, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lot of families with messed up dynamics. I'd be worried about what you're marrying into and get a clear lay of the land with DH plus plans to offset it (move across the country, stop telling FIL certain things, build up DHs confidence if needed or you walk away)

+ 1 million… what does he say about his Dad? Does he acknowledge it? Has he been in therapy? Look out for him repeating the same behaviour when you have kids. I love my DH, but should have gotten to know his family better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did he say? Was it something that you didn’t know about your fiancé’s character? I would keep it in the back of my mind and observe.

Said he was dumping him on me.

How horrible! PP here.

[Anonymous]

seems like a joke to me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:seems like a joke to me...

I thought so until the future SIL chimed in and agreed. She says bad things about her kids though--i.e. make comments about appearance, etc. For example she said that her child had a gruesome face in a bday photo. She said another had chicken legs, etc.

I wasn't raised in a family like this. His family actually seem very supportive and loyal but they talk a lot of crap about each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:seems like a joke to me...

I thought so until the future SIL chimed in and agreed. She says bad things about her kids though--i.e. make comments about appearance, etc. For example she said that her child had a gruesome face in a bday photo. She said another had chicken legs, etc.

I wasn't raised in a family like this. His family actually seem very supportive and loyal but they talk a lot of crap about each other.

This is not the family for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Maybe they were joking.

2. Why do you seem so unfamiliar with your fiance's family. How long have you known your fiance? How much interaction have you had with his family?

Less than a year--I have interacted with them a lot but in a short period of time. There have been a few comments like this to me and now I am concerned.

Who made the other comments, and what were they?

[Anonymous]

is he different than them? More arty or intellectual? Or less conventional? Less tidy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is he different than them? More arty or intellectual? Or less conventional? Less tidy?

Yes, they are all career military--went to Naval Academy or married into it. He did not go there for medical reasons. He is very smart though and independent--he is creative as well.

I think he was disappointed he couldn't go into military and it seems like he's left out because he didn't go. What's sad is he idolizes his dad and brother who did go.