Looking for live-in care for my elderly mom - dementia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a person is on call overnight then they are technically working those hours and you have to pay the minimum wage at minimum for those hours. I used to sue people who did not do this

Again this is dependent on the state

Regardless of the law, if someone expects a caregiver to be "on call" overnight with no pay, they are a despicable person.

Like it or not, this is part of why NY State offers home long-term care through its medicaid program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a person is on call overnight then they are technically working those hours and you have to pay the minimum wage at minimum for those hours. I used to sue people who did not do this

Again this is dependent on the state

Regardless of the law, if someone expects a caregiver to be "on call" overnight with no pay, they are a despicable person.

Like it or not, this is part of why NY State offers home long-term care through its medicaid program.

Only a few states offer it. MD does not offer in home care.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can hire a service. You will get to know caregivers through the service. As you come to know them you will find the ones you like, and many times they will work for you as private contractors.

We have healthcare workers who do shifts at nursing home and shifts with us. All on the books. But we aren't in the DC area so I have no recommendations.

Good luck. It is a tough road.

[Anonymous]

I don't recommend it based on our experience. Better experience at residential place. Still dealing with the aftermath-identity theft, theft of jewelry, etc, trying to sue because she tripped over grandma's stuff(different people). It is hard to find a good match for that level of care.

[Anonymous]

Having one person live-in to care for a 90 yr old with dementia is not realistic. You need several working in rotation and not live-in.

[Anonymous]

OP HERE. Sorry for the delayed response. I've had to move my mom out of a despicable assisted living facility. Here's my situation. I have a day nurse already. Just hired her, 8-6. I need someone, who will be there overnight, say, 6p - 6a. They will have room and board, & basically there, to make sure my mom is safe at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE. Sorry for the delayed response. I've had to move my mom out of a despicable assisted living facility. Here's my situation. I have a day nurse already. Just hired her, 8-6. I need someone, who will be there overnight, say, 6p - 6a. They will have room and board, & basically there, to make sure my mom is safe at night.

This is not a good idea. Hire an overnight nurse through an agency. Trying to use room and board as payment is a recipe for exploitation and problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE. Sorry for the delayed response. I've had to move my mom out of a despicable assisted living facility. Here's my situation. I have a day nurse already. Just hired her, 8-6. I need someone, who will be there overnight, say, 6p - 6a. They will have room and board, & basically there, to make sure my mom is safe at night.

This is not a good idea. Hire an overnight nurse through an agency. Trying to use room and board as payment is a recipe for exploitation and problems.

OP here. This is where i need guidance. I'm new to all of this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE. Sorry for the delayed response. I've had to move my mom out of a despicable assisted living facility. Here's my situation. I have a day nurse already. Just hired her, 8-6. I need someone, who will be there overnight, say, 6p - 6a. They will have room and board, & basically there, to make sure my mom is safe at night.

Only room and board? Are you looking for someone to spell you a few nights week? Will you also be in the house? What is the pay after room and board? Who is responsible for meals? Who is responsible for the 6-8am gap? Does the day nurse come on weekends too? Is this temporary until you find another assisted living place? How long do you think the job will last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE. Sorry for the delayed response. I've had to move my mom out of a despicable assisted living facility. Here's my situation. I have a day nurse already. Just hired her, 8-6. I need someone, who will be there overnight, say, 6p - 6a. They will have room and board, & basically there, to make sure my mom is safe at night.

Does your mom wander or have other needs during the night? In other words, would the care giver be required to be awake and alert during the overnight? Or would they be able to sleep as long as they can wake quickly if your mom was to call out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE. Sorry for the delayed response. I've had to move my mom out of a despicable assisted living facility. Here's my situation. I have a day nurse already. Just hired her, 8-6. I need someone, who will be there overnight, say, 6p - 6a. They will have room and board, & basically there, to make sure my mom is safe at night.

Does your mom wander or have other needs during the night? In other words, would the care giver be required to be awake and alert during the overnight? Or would they be able to sleep as long as they can wake quickly if your mom was to call out?

I think all or almost all dementia patients have needs during the night.

OP you don’t need live-in for the overnight shift. Try an agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP HERE. Sorry for the delayed response. I've had to move my mom out of a despicable assisted living facility. Here's my situation. I have a day nurse already. Just hired her, 8-6. I need someone, who will be there overnight, say, 6p - 6a. They will have room and board, & basically there, to make sure my mom is safe at night.

Does your mom wander or have other needs during the night? In other words, would the care giver be required to be awake and alert during the overnight? Or would they be able to sleep as long as they can wake quickly if your mom was to call out?

I think all or almost all dementia patients have needs during the night.

OP you don’t need live-in for the overnight shift. Try an agency.

PP you quoted here.

Ok, I wasn't sure. My mom has dementia and definitely wanders...she started "wandering" in the middle of the night while my dad was asleep, during the day if he was in the bathroom or brushing his teeth, etc.
We (my siblings and I) told him he had to either put her in a memory care unit or get 24/7 coverage at home through an agency. My brother looked into that and it was going to be about $30,000 a month, which was not possible for us.

[Anonymous]

I would research memory care facilities and find her a better one than where you had her before. We found at home to be just hell and it was not better care by any stretch. Install cameras and see for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would research memory care facilities and find her a better one than where you had her before. We found at home to be just hell and it was not better care by any stretch. Install cameras and see for yourself.

This!

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I have a mom with light dementia married to a man with Alzheimer’s. I can’t answer your question, unfortunately, but I totally get how lost you are and how difficult this is and how you are clearly asking here to try to figure out what to do. There have been some probably helpful answers, but I think it is awful how mean the general tone towards you has been. I hope you find a good solution to get you through this difficult time, you are clearly a great child and your mom is lucky to have you.