Online dating- how many first dates until you found the “one”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My very first date after my divorce (or during actually) led to a three year relationship. That ended. Took a short break. First person I met after that break is my current 6yr relationship.
(not looking to remarry if anyone is curious why i am in all these long term relationships).

Curious why the 3 year ended?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do recommend second dates. Sometimes you can meet a great guy, but there is not an initial spark, however, it can build over time and last.

I agree. I probably went on 80 first dates in the past 3.5 years, very few seconds, none caught my interest both physically and emotionally until #81. I’m pretty smitten (won’t ever marry again) and it’s a newer thing but the first time I’m considering a relationship.

Good luck and take your time. I found it very easy to get dates, many with good earners and attractive guys, but I love my life and have no interest in partnering up unless it’s truly worth it as relationships bring joy but also compromise and sacrifice and I’ve enjoyed my single time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do recommend second dates. Sometimes you can meet a great guy, but there is not an initial spark, however, it can build over time and last.

Absolutely agree. I met a guy who was nice but didn’t feel a spark. He asked me on a second date and I gave it a shot and we clicked on the second date. I think we both felt a little more at ease. We’re married now!

[Anonymous]

It seems from what I’ve seen around me, it usually happened really fast or it takes many years.

I took several years off of dating in my 30’s due to stuff going on in my life. At 38 I started online dating. I went on 1 first date with someone else. DH was my 2nd first date.

[Anonymous]

Another guy. About ten women, 1-2 dates. One woman for little bit over a year. Two more for five and six months, respectively. Then I met my wife completely unrelated to online. She was a friend of a woman friend that I met at a party. A few months later we bumped into each other in the lobby of a building.

[Anonymous]

I'm a recently divorced introvert who has never dated before. This thread is the most discouraging thing I've ever read. My ideal partner is home on his couch just like I am. 😞

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do recommend second dates. Sometimes you can meet a great guy, but there is not an initial spark, however, it can build over time and last.

Absolutely agree. I met a guy who was nice but didn’t feel a spark. He asked me on a second date and I gave it a shot and we clicked on the second date. I think we both felt a little more at ease. We’re married now!

For sure, and then some. If the other person has a serious problem, it might make sense to stop seeing them as soon as you discover that. But if you just "weren't feeling it" on the first date - or even the second or third date - you shoudl probably go out with them again. It can really take a while to develop a rapport. "Feeling it" and "sparks" right off the bat are terrible predictors of a good relationship. Many horrible relationships start that way, and many terrific relationships don't, and that's because they have nothing to do with whether it's a good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do recommend second dates. Sometimes you can meet a great guy, but there is not an initial spark, however, it can build over time and last.

Absolutely agree. I met a guy who was nice but didn’t feel a spark. He asked me on a second date and I gave it a shot and we clicked on the second date. I think we both felt a little more at ease. We’re married now!

For sure, and then some. If the other person has a serious problem, it might make sense to stop seeing them as soon as you discover that. But if you just "weren't feeling it" on the first date - or even the second or third date - you shoudl probably go out with them again. It can really take a while to develop a rapport. "Feeling it" and "sparks" right off the bat are terrible predictors of a good relationship. Many horrible relationships start that way, and many terrific relationships don't, and that's because they have nothing to do with whether it's a good match.

In fact, sometimes initial sparks indicate that it's a bad match. OP, it sounds like you're looking for the wrong indicators.

[Anonymous]

"Feeling it" and "sparks" right off the bat are terrible predictors of a good relationship.

Yet “no spark” or “no chemistry” is the message you’ll get after countless first dates. Oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a recently divorced introvert who has never dated before. This thread is the most discouraging thing I've ever read. My ideal partner is home on his couch just like I am. 😞

You can have my ExH. All he did was sit alone watching tv in bed for a decade. I am also an introvert…but ideally, talking to a spouse makes sense. Be careful what you wish for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do recommend second dates. Sometimes you can meet a great guy, but there is not an initial spark, however, it can build over time and last.

Absolutely agree. I met a guy who was nice but didn’t feel a spark. He asked me on a second date and I gave it a shot and we clicked on the second date. I think we both felt a little more at ease. We’re married now!

For sure, and then some. If the other person has a serious problem, it might make sense to stop seeing them as soon as you discover that. But if you just "weren't feeling it" on the first date - or even the second or third date - you shoudl probably go out with them again. It can really take a while to develop a rapport. "Feeling it" and "sparks" right off the bat are terrible predictors of a good relationship. Many horrible relationships start that way, and many terrific relationships don't, and that's because they have nothing to do with whether it's a good match.

In fact, sometimes initial sparks indicate that it's a bad match. OP, it sounds like you're looking for the wrong indicators.

Can you explain?

[Anonymous]

I met twenty-ish guys via online dating before meeting DH. Most were 1-2 dates, but a few I saw multiple times. I started online dating at 28/29 and met DH at 30.

[Anonymous]

Personally I didn't find online dating worked for me and this was years ago, in the early days of it where people did meet and get married. (late 90s/ early 2000s).

What worked for me was going somewhere different and doing different things - like volunteering at a camp for kids with cancer, or doing pilates in a remote coastal village.

I found meeting people out of context of the rat race of dating meant that I got to know them better and more deeply. And that is how I met my husband.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, a lot. I went back and forth between screening very carefully and only going out with guys I thought could really be the one to going out with anyone who asked and back and forth between the two. I met my now husband when I had one week left on my subscription and I wasn't going to renew it. Ironically, he just signed up and ended up not using the rest of his.

[Anonymous]

A few “rounds” of nothing but first dates (okay, there was one awkward second date). Then I met my current boyfriend. Our first date started with lunch and ended in the morning (he got a hotel but there was no sex). We’re planning to move in together and get engaged.

Succinctly: about a year and a half.