Divorcing at 35 after a toxic marriage

[Anonymous]

I left an abusive marriage at 32 and I felt like my life was over, not worth living, like I'd lived my best years and would just wallow around for the next 60 or so.

But that was part of the abuse - no one would want me, I was nothing, I was lucky to have him. All lies and just part of how domestic violence and coercive control work.

Sometime after I saw a 76 & 80 year old couple marry 😍. And I thought well there's always that!

My healing was long but absolutely my life is worth living just for me and I sometimes think about finding a partner but am also quite happy on my own.

Nothing is ever a waste and one day you will know that. Try to stay in the here and now. The past is the past and the future isn't real. Right now, this very moment you are reaching out for some care and support and that seems pretty damn awesome to me. You will get through this. One day or week at a time, you just don't know what comes next so learn to enjoy your now and you will be okay. Lots of love.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on getting out of the toxic marriage!! You took a big step, and one that will be great for your life, and better to do that now than to have wasted any more time with him.

Agree with the others that this is a great opportunity for you - I know it may not seem like it, but you will be so much better off. And don't worry, you can still have kids later on if you want to, but right now focus on you and enjoy your freedom.

[Anonymous]

Congrats on leaving a bad marriage and NOT having kids that will suffer coparenting with that man! Your life is ahead of you, I promise. I had no money, no job, and a kid, and I made it through. You will too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew I wanted to divorce at age 32, but made sure to have a child. Best decision ever, then had my second at age 36 with current husband.

OP you are young! You can make your world whatever you like.

So you had a kid with someone you didn’t want to be married to? That sounds … not great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on leaving a bad marriage and NOT having kids that will suffer coparenting with that man! Your life is ahead of you, I promise. I had no money, no job, and a kid, and I made it through. You will too.

Unless she waits too long and misses her opportunity to have a family. Then she will regret that choice.

Women often regret the men, but rarely the children. Don't let some nitwit mess with your family planning. Sadly I know a few women who did and are sorry today. No kids or grand-kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on leaving a bad marriage and NOT having kids that will suffer coparenting with that man! Your life is ahead of you, I promise. I had no money, no job, and a kid, and I made it through. You will too.

Unless she waits too long and misses her opportunity to have a family. Then she will regret that choice.

Women often regret the men, but rarely the children. Don't let some nitwit mess with your family planning. Sadly I know a few women who did and are sorry today. No kids or grand-kids.

A toxic husband will be a toxic coparent. Have a kid on your own now if you're on a timeline. Get a sperm donor, but don't procreate with an abusive man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on leaving a bad marriage and NOT having kids that will suffer coparenting with that man! Your life is ahead of you, I promise. I had no money, no job, and a kid, and I made it through. You will too.

Unless she waits too long and misses her opportunity to have a family. Then she will regret that choice.

Women often regret the men, but rarely the children. Don't let some nitwit mess with your family planning. Sadly I know a few women who did and are sorry today. No kids or grand-kids.

I regret not getting out before kids like I was planning to. Kids to me are tied to the man. I do regret having kids. I did not want them with my exH and knew it. He figured out a way to make it happen anyway when I was weak and would not take no for an answer. Second same thing (refused to use birth control...it had been years).

OP is young and a divorce without kids is a true fresh start. I would turn back the clock and not have kids if I could have gotten out of the marriage early like I wanted to...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on leaving a bad marriage and NOT having kids that will suffer coparenting with that man! Your life is ahead of you, I promise. I had no money, no job, and a kid, and I made it through. You will too.

Unless she waits too long and misses her opportunity to have a family. Then she will regret that choice.

Women often regret the men, but rarely the children. Don't let some nitwit mess with your family planning. Sadly I know a few women who did and are sorry today. No kids or grand-kids.

I regret not getting out before kids like I was planning to. Kids to me are tied to the man. I do regret having kids. I did not want them with my exH and knew it. He figured out a way to make it happen anyway when I was weak and would not take no for an answer. Second same thing (refused to use birth control...it had been years).

OP is young and a divorce without kids is a true fresh start. I would turn back the clock and not have kids if I could have gotten out of the marriage early like I wanted to...

Why didn't you get abortions? Or flee to a shelter after the first time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on leaving a bad marriage and NOT having kids that will suffer coparenting with that man! Your life is ahead of you, I promise. I had no money, no job, and a kid, and I made it through. You will too.

Unless she waits too long and misses her opportunity to have a family. Then she will regret that choice.

Women often regret the men, but rarely the children. Don't let some nitwit mess with your family planning. Sadly I know a few women who did and are sorry today. No kids or grand-kids.

I regret not getting out before kids like I was planning to. Kids to me are tied to the man. I do regret having kids. I did not want them with my exH and knew it. He figured out a way to make it happen anyway when I was weak and would not take no for an answer. Second same thing (refused to use birth control...it had been years).

OP is young and a divorce without kids is a true fresh start. I would turn back the clock and not have kids if I could have gotten out of the marriage early like I wanted to...

Why didn't you get abortions? Or flee to a shelter after the first time?

Flee to a shelter? Reproductive coercion is not domestic violence. Because I was raised too religiously. But yes, I did want an abortion. I could not bring myself to do it. I was married and in my 30s. I felt I had to live with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew I wanted to divorce at age 32, but made sure to have a child. Best decision ever, then had my second at age 36 with current husband.

OP you are young! You can make your world whatever you like.

Your first sentence is disgusting. Wtf???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew I wanted to divorce at age 32, but made sure to have a child. Best decision ever, then had my second at age 36 with current husband.

OP you are young! You can make your world whatever you like.

Wow. Get back to us in 10 years and let us know how that worked out.

[Anonymous]

1) you are young

2) you don’t need a man to have a baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on leaving a bad marriage and NOT having kids that will suffer coparenting with that man! Your life is ahead of you, I promise. I had no money, no job, and a kid, and I made it through. You will too.

Unless she waits too long and misses her opportunity to have a family. Then she will regret that choice.

Women often regret the men, but rarely the children. Don't let some nitwit mess with your family planning. Sadly I know a few women who did and are sorry today. No kids or grand-kids.

A toxic husband will be a toxic coparent. Have a kid on your own now if you're on a timeline. Get a sperm donor, but don't procreate with an abusive man.

And having a child with someone you’re divorcing? You sound like a lazy welfare queen who is also cruelly selfish (thinking of yourself instead of the child).

[Anonymous]

You are just getting started!! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, hugs. It gets better after the divorce is finalized. Hang in there. Some good and helpful advice offered here. I got out in my 40s and met the love of my life.