Anyone just come to the conclusion that spouse is low empathy and there’s just no way around it?

[Anonymous]

Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

Thank you for this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

If their lack of emotion or response is due to a disorder, they can and will shut down. Bad driving real-time, toddler falls in pool no response, no planning or prep to maintain safety, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I put up with it for a decade before starting the process of leaving.

Same. Took the kids and left. Everyone has been better off, include the “unempath.” They have their nice simple life back- no kids, house, nanny, spouse to bother them or to try to be responsible for. That was too overwhelming and resulted in failure, anxiety and anger outbursts.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't know. Sometimes I try to express feelings about things to DH and he just listens. Like I'm glad he listens, but he doesn't empathize, doesn't add on, doesn't advise, doesn't share a similar experience or feelings. Nothing.

I talk about stuff with friends a lot. I wish I had that intimacy with him, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

Eh, I'm very emotional but I am excellent and level-headed in a crisis. Not all empathetic people freak out in an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don't know. Sometimes I try to express feelings about things to DH and he just listens. Like I'm glad he listens, but he doesn't empathize, doesn't add on, doesn't advise, doesn't share a similar experience or feelings. Nothing.

I talk about stuff with friends a lot. I wish I had that intimacy with him, though.

Aspergers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

This has not been my experience. My spouse completely shuts down in a crisis and is paralyzed. No sense of urgency or awareness that others are suffering (physically from injury or illness) and they should get them help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don't know. Sometimes I try to express feelings about things to DH and he just listens. Like I'm glad he listens, but he doesn't empathize, doesn't add on, doesn't advise, doesn't share a similar experience or feelings. Nothing.

I talk about stuff with friends a lot. I wish I had that intimacy with him, though.

Aspergers

It feels lonesome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

Eh, I'm very emotional but I am excellent and level-headed in a crisis. Not all empathetic people freak out in an emergency.

Yeah. My mom is pretty emotional but goes into calm and competent mode in an emergency. It's like an instant shift.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, he just sounds like a man. Yes I know some men are empathetic. And some know how to fake it. But you married a man, not a woman and you shouldn’t expect him to act like one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

Eh, I'm very emotional but I am excellent and level-headed in a crisis. Not all empathetic people freak out in an emergency.

Yeah. My mom is pretty emotional but goes into calm and competent mode in an emergency. It's like an instant shift.

behold perfection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

Or they could be so self involved, and checked out, that they could be absolutely useless.

[Anonymous]

What are you looking for? This does not sound unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Less emotional people have their place. They will be the one thinking rationale in a crisis. Keep the big picture in mind, don't get lost in the weeds. Don't discount their contribution to your life, big or small.

This has not been my experience. My spouse completely shuts down in a crisis and is paralyzed. No sense of urgency or awareness that others are suffering (physically from injury or illness) and they should get them help.

That’s mine, too. I thought I was the only one. Mine will just sit there and blink and you can literally see him processing and then planning a rational way to react in real time. As the spouse in these situations, I carry a lot of stress because I know I am always the one that will have to stay alert and be ready to spring into action. And I’m also the one who gets second-guessed or criticized when DH applies his cooly rational post-event analysis to the situation.