how nervous would this make your rising freshman son (14 year old)?

[Anonymous]

That was and is my DC. We had to stop on the way to practice/try out to get and and run around. Deep breathing and running off the anxiety and fear. Worked out fine in the end but the stress is real.

They need to come up with strategies to move forward and get out there. For mine , it was running around and releasing some of that tension. Growing up has many challenges!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't normal.

he needs therapy. Don't make the mistake of thinking everything will be ok once school starts. You have a few months to get him help (therapy, maybe meds) before school starts. Use it wisely and give him the best chance to get off to a good start.

I've been where you are and didn't take it seriously and deeply regret it. Problem got a lot bigger.

I agree with this. My own child has social anxiety that required medication but even before that my child was able to do something like this and join an activity where they knew non one. They just didn't engage much with anyone and basically showed up , played, and left. Being too over whelmed to even get out of the car is a red flag that it's a real problem for your child. You likely didn't notice because as you said they have had years of being around the same people and activities so they built up a comfort so it was easy to miss the signs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is entering a private high school and has the opportunity to practice several days per week this summer with the JV and Varsity teams for his sport (for fun).
He does not know anyone at the school. He is PETRIFIED of going as he feels 1) he knows no one 2) most of the kids wil know each other 3) most will be older (he's a rising freshman and they're rising Fr, So, Jr. and Sr).
We tried yesterday and he was losing his mind in fear. He couldn't get out of the car.

How easy (or hard) would this be for your kid?

My son has a lot of friends at this current school and on his current sports teams. He's a social, friendly kid. He's good at this sport.

I'm wondering how much of this is normal? Or how much of this is clinical anxiety. He has low level anxiety about anything new but this is next level. I wonder if it's exacerbated by Covid (he has been in virtual school at home for a year---seeing about 8 friends very regularly---so not isolated but not in a larger social setting).

Would your kid be able to do this without skipping a beat? Would it provoke some stress? Would he refuse to go?

Please be honest.

Thank you for any thoughts!

Not petrified but worried for sure. That was my son entering into the soccer team as a Freshman.

You know your son better, is it true anxiety or just normal worrying?

My son can be hesitant of new places/friends and it takes him a bit to get "comfortable" but then he's fine.

We finished the season and now all the boys share a chat group and have met on the field outside of school hours.

I would encourage him to test the field, arrive early, warm up and enjoy the sport he likes.

[Anonymous]

Op here.
Thanks for all the thoughts.
He went to practice yesterday and watched from the car. There is another practice today and I think he's going to try and go. He is still scared.

I agree that this is not "normal".

He went to a therapist for anxiety in 3rd grade. Learned all sorts of coping techniques. Finished elementary and entered a large public middle school without issue and thrived. Then spent the past 15 months at home, only interacting within known kids (about 8 friends, and a sports team he has been on for several years).
School was entirely virtual except for 2 hours, twice a week for the past month. These hours in school (about 10 total this year) had no real social interaction with anyone he does not know well---kids are not allowed within 6 feet of each other.

I called up the therapist he saw as a 3rd grader and the practice is only seeing new kids if they are actively suicidal. I called a number of other practices and can't find anyone who is taking new kids. Talked to a few good friends and they report the same thing--calling and calling and coming up empty. It is really hard (impossible?)
to find a therapist who is taking child/teen patients now due to SO many kids needing help post-Covid. I was told that things are only getting worse for kids (in terms of mental health) as they re-engage with society. The fall-out is coming out.

[Anonymous]

Surely, he's not the only new kid coming on?

A different approach might be to be the 1st at practice (arrive early) so he's not entering the lion's den, but the other kids are coming to him (if that makes sense).

Spin it so that if your kid gets to know the other kids, the 1st day of school might be a bit smoothier for him (b/c I'm assuming his anxiety will flare up on the 1st day of school/orientation too?) given he will already know a few kids and thus a "leg-up" than the other newbies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
Thanks for all the thoughts.
He went to practice yesterday and watched from the car. There is another practice today and I think he's going to try and go. He is still scared.

I agree that this is not "normal".

He went to a therapist for anxiety in 3rd grade. Learned all sorts of coping techniques. Finished elementary and entered a large public middle school without issue and thrived. Then spent the past 15 months at home, only interacting within known kids (about 8 friends, and a sports team he has been on for several years).
School was entirely virtual except for 2 hours, twice a week for the past month. These hours in school (about 10 total this year) had no real social interaction with anyone he does not know well---kids are not allowed within 6 feet of each other.

I called up the therapist he saw as a 3rd grader and the practice is only seeing new kids if they are actively suicidal. I called a number of other practices and can't find anyone who is taking new kids. Talked to a few good friends and they report the same thing--calling and calling and coming up empty. It is really hard (impossible?)
to find a therapist who is taking child/teen patients now due to SO many kids needing help post-Covid. I was told that things are only getting worse for kids (in terms of mental health) as they re-engage with society. The fall-out is coming out.

Throwing out other therapist ideas:

- Dr. Dalton has an anxiety based practice in Rockville
- Gavin Berhens has a teenage boy practice in Bethesda

Keep trying to find a therapist - and maybe look for group therapy for anxious kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
Thanks for all the thoughts.
He went to practice yesterday and watched from the car. There is another practice today and I think he's going to try and go. He is still scared.

I agree that this is not "normal".

He went to a therapist for anxiety in 3rd grade. Learned all sorts of coping techniques. Finished elementary and entered a large public middle school without issue and thrived. Then spent the past 15 months at home, only interacting within known kids (about 8 friends, and a sports team he has been on for several years).
School was entirely virtual except for 2 hours, twice a week for the past month. These hours in school (about 10 total this year) had no real social interaction with anyone he does not know well---kids are not allowed within 6 feet of each other.

I called up the therapist he saw as a 3rd grader and the practice is only seeing new kids if they are actively suicidal. I called a number of other practices and can't find anyone who is taking new kids. Talked to a few good friends and they report the same thing--calling and calling and coming up empty. It is really hard (impossible?)
to find a therapist who is taking child/teen patients now due to SO many kids needing help post-Covid. I was told that things are only getting worse for kids (in terms of mental health) as they re-engage with society. The fall-out is coming out.

Hi OP. I'm so sorry. My kid who is prone to anxiety regressed some during covid (was not able to do things that before he'd been fine with) and we did manage to find him a therapist and she said it's common. I think a lot of kids are in this spot. You are going to sort it out and he will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I know he is older, but is it possible to ask the coach to pair him with an older student that can look out for him? Not in any kind of baby-ish, obvious way. But just in a making sure someone approaches him and works to include him way. The coach could probably pick someone out who he knows would do this well.

(Yes, I know they are older so maybe people will tell me that's a ridiculous suggestion.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
Thanks for all the thoughts.
He went to practice yesterday and watched from the car. There is another practice today and I think he's going to try and go. He is still scared.

I agree that this is not "normal".

He went to a therapist for anxiety in 3rd grade. Learned all sorts of coping techniques. Finished elementary and entered a large public middle school without issue and thrived. Then spent the past 15 months at home, only interacting within known kids (about 8 friends, and a sports team he has been on for several years).
School was entirely virtual except for 2 hours, twice a week for the past month. These hours in school (about 10 total this year) had no real social interaction with anyone he does not know well---kids are not allowed within 6 feet of each other.

I called up the therapist he saw as a 3rd grader and the practice is only seeing new kids if they are actively suicidal. I called a number of other practices and can't find anyone who is taking new kids. Talked to a few good friends and they report the same thing--calling and calling and coming up empty. It is really hard (impossible?)
to find a therapist who is taking child/teen patients now due to SO many kids needing help post-Covid. I was told that things are only getting worse for kids (in terms of mental health) as they re-engage with society. The fall-out is coming out.

Hi OP. I'm so sorry. My kid who is prone to anxiety regressed some during covid (was not able to do things that before he'd been fine with) and we did manage to find him a therapist and she said it's common. I think a lot of kids are in this spot. You are going to sort it out and he will be fine.

+1 Good luck OP. I also have a son who has suffered from mild anxiety in the past and who seemed happy during the pandemic when we were mostly with family and close friends. Now, with the pandemic restrictions gone, he is absolutely paralyzed with anxiety. It is heartbreaking. I hope you can find help for your son soon. You aren't alone in this and neither is your son. I hope that other families will continue to speak up about how much harm their kids have suffered as a result of the pandemic restrictions, because from what I hear from therapists, many kids are in need of help as they resume their lives.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to assume he's tried the coping techniques that he was taught as a third-grader? If not, then the "5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste" might be helpful. Also lying down flat on his back and singing can do something neurological that helps calm the amygdala. Google some other techniques. My daughter also has "toxic waste" candy to put in her mouth when she feels anxious -- it redirects the brain to the super sour taste and stops the anxious thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
Thanks for all the thoughts.
He went to practice yesterday and watched from the car. There is another practice today and I think he's going to try and go. He is still scared.

I agree that this is not "normal".

He went to a therapist for anxiety in 3rd grade. Learned all sorts of coping techniques. Finished elementary and entered a large public middle school without issue and thrived. Then spent the past 15 months at home, only interacting within known kids (about 8 friends, and a sports team he has been on for several years).
School was entirely virtual except for 2 hours, twice a week for the past month. These hours in school (about 10 total this year) had no real social interaction with anyone he does not know well---kids are not allowed within 6 feet of each other.

I called up the therapist he saw as a 3rd grader and the practice is only seeing new kids if they are actively suicidal. I called a number of other practices and can't find anyone who is taking new kids. Talked to a few good friends and they report the same thing--calling and calling and coming up empty. It is really hard (impossible?)
to find a therapist who is taking child/teen patients now due to SO many kids needing help post-Covid. I was told that things are only getting worse for kids (in terms of mental health) as they re-engage with society. The fall-out is coming out.

Throwing out other therapist ideas:

- Dr. Dalton has an anxiety based practice in Rockville
- Gavin Berhens has a teenage boy practice in Bethesda

Keep trying to find a therapist - and maybe look for group therapy for anxious kids.

OP here. THANK YOU!! Will call them today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to assume he's tried the coping techniques that he was taught as a third-grader? If not, then the "5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste" might be helpful. Also lying down flat on his back and singing can do something neurological that helps calm the amygdala. Google some other techniques. My daughter also has "toxic waste" candy to put in her mouth when she feels anxious -- it redirects the brain to the super sour taste and stops the anxious thoughts.

OP here. Thx! I'll see if he has tried these. I love the toxic waste one.

[Anonymous]

We moved to a new city with high schoolers. They were nervous the night before starting at their new school, but they got on with it. In hindsight, it's been a transformative experience for them. They like their new school much better, and they actually seem more confident than before -- in part because they had to cross that Rubicon and enter a whole new school environment.

OP, sell your son on the benefits of getting out of the car. New friends, new experiences, and putting the things about his former school that he didn't like behind him for good.

Tell him he will enter all kinds of new environments as he gets older, such as a new workplace. He will meet all kinds of new people, and have to make that transition from one place to another. Life is always changing. This is good practice. Tell him that he can do it.

When you get there, park the car. Get out of the car and walk over to his side. Open the door. Tell him you will walk with him over to (toward) the practice field. Come on, you don't want to be late! You'll have a good time! Smile, be encouraging, be positive.

[Anonymous]

Assuming it is “his” sport, this would be the ideal scenario for my very shy 14yo. Having the older kids there takes performance pressure off, as opposed to just kids his own age. Nobody expects the freshman to be the best one on the varsity field, even a very good freshman, so that would be a plus. And having an activity to do wouldn’t require too much talking. I hope your son comes around to the idea and enjoys both the practice and the new school in the fall!

[Anonymous]

I think you're getting a lot of good advice. I think it is an anxiety-provoking situation, probably made worse by the pandemic and the long time he's had out of school.

I agree most with the suggestion to contact the coach and ask for a hand from an older student.

My child was in this situation, minus the pandemic. They had about two weeks of informal soccer practice before the preseason tryouts. He was extremely nervous, and didn't know a soul. It was hard, but the kids really bonded during that time. It will be great for your son if he can get out there. Good luck!