Club career officially over

[Anonymous]

Great reflection. Loved it.

[Anonymous]

U9 and U13 parent here. Thank you for this. What a great message!

[Anonymous]

Aw, OP, you made me tear up. My DS has two years left (just finished sophomore year), and I am already sad about it.

[Anonymous]

Great advice!

[Anonymous]

This is great. Thank you. We have an 8 year span between two kids so we were able to learn some of these lessons with our first child. Worrying about rankings, teams, and how well our first child played every week was such a mistake that we thankfully learned for our second. Looking back, our first was on a "top team", but it wasn't a good fit for her and I feel like she lost a couple years. It wasn't until U14 that she moved and really blossomed. I kick myself for those "lost years". She had D1 opportunities, but didn't want soccer to consume her life in college so went to great D3 school to play.

I love the missing the drive part you commented on. We drive about 35 minutes for practices and I honestly don't mind because it is a great opportunity to just talk to my kid.

I'll throw this in - These kids know when they play badly and don't need to hear about it on the car ride home. Let them be kids, enjoy the game and go fail..it's ok. They will start hating the games and the game itself if they know they are getting a lecture for all they did "wrong" every week. We got caught into some of that with our first and I regret every one of those drives home now. I look back at a sign from a tournament a few years ago about parent's behavior. One of the comments said something like, no college scholarships are being awarded today so relax and enjoy watching your kid play. That stuck with me.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses. I'm still a bit emotional about it. More than i thought i'd be.

Change is always hard. This is a big chapter being turned. It's time to let him go and hope he will fly on his own.

Any suggestions on how to handle the withdrawal while he is in college?

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much for the post. I’m tearing up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Son played his final game today. Heads off to college soccer this fall.

Been thinking about this day for a long time. Very bittersweet. I've loved it so much. Wanted to pass along some thoughts to everyone, especially those with younger children.

1 - Enjoy watching your kids play. Not win. Not score a goal. Of course, those things are important and to be celebrated. But honestly enjoy watching the work hard. Watch them lose and be disappointed. Give them space in those moments, especially if they're feeling responsible. They'll bounce back and play better. The easy part is being there when you enjoy the big moments. But those times of difficulty are also important to their growth as people and soccer players. i will truly miss just being at practices or games and seeing the interactions among the boys and the comraderie they developed over the years.

2 - Don't obsess over rankings. i spent hours looking at teams and rankings and trying to figure out where the club would rank and try to gauge future opponents. It's a crapshoot and I look back at the first couple of years and wonder why I spent so much time worrying about where in the top 10 in the state rankings the club would be once the latest points uploaded. Yeah, it's nice to have validation and the potential opportunities that come with it, but it's also something I totally let go of the last couple of years - even as the team continued to play in major tournaments. And you know what? Those points are about to go poof with his team being wiped off the map. You don't get to hold them. It's fleeting.

3 - If you're child isn't yet in high school, take a breath. There's plenty of time for development. Kids that were great when we started are just OK. Some that were just OK are now great. He or she has a chance to be really good if they have good ability and want to put in the work. It has to come from them. With my son, he just loved soccer. It wasn't until sophomore year he got super dedicated and started to take off. No, he didn't play for DC United or DA. But you know what? He's in a good place now and the slate has been wiped clean. Now it's up to him to take it to the next level without the parents and in a new environment.

4 - Was it all worth it? That's a great question. It was thousands of dollars and hours of time going to practices, games, tournaments, camps and school visits. I think about what I might have spent that money on. New kitchen? Nice car? IRA? In the end, he loved it, so it was worth it to me to see him enjoy the experience. I'll admit at times questioning that as he doesn't have a college scholarship from it. The secret though is that not many do as freshmen. In the end, I wouldn't trade. Maybe a few more wins. Maybe not having to deal with the politics of which there were many and the worst part about the process. But I look back with a full heart and few regrets.

Hope your road is as great for you as it was for me.

This obnoxious, mostly useless forum needs many more posts like this one to justify its existence. Thank you for writing this.

[Anonymous]

I am feeling much the same way, and the OP and others so accurately captured the feeling. What I miss is spending time with my daughter, seeing her with her friends, seeing her happy just to be on the team and having the chance to practice with her friends, etc. Our club is tough because there is massive turnover every few years, and this upcomng year (rising U15) is one of them, so this season was really the last one for this group of girls to play together before some move to other clubs, some quit altogther, and the rest stay and try to rebuild a team.

I will miss the soccer in as much as I love to see her play and compete, and grow, and fail, etc. I will miss more the opportunity to see her in her element, unabashed, and to spend time with her.

Great thread, agree that we need more of these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is great. Thank you. We have an 8 year span between two kids so we were able to learn some of these lessons with our first child. Worrying about rankings, teams, and how well our first child played every week was such a mistake that we thankfully learned for our second. Looking back, our first was on a "top team", but it wasn't a good fit for her and I feel like she lost a couple years. It wasn't until U14 that she moved and really blossomed. I kick myself for those "lost years". She had D1 opportunities, but didn't want soccer to consume her life in college so went to great D3 school to play.

I love the missing the drive part you commented on. We drive about 35 minutes for practices and I honestly don't mind because it is a great opportunity to just talk to my kid.

I'll throw this in - These kids know when they play badly and don't need to hear about it on the car ride home. Let them be kids, enjoy the game and go fail..it's ok. They will start hating the games and the game itself if they know they are getting a lecture for all they did "wrong" every week. We got caught into some of that with our first and I regret every one of those drives home now. I look back at a sign from a tournament a few years ago about parent's behavior. One of the comments said something like, no college scholarships are being awarded today so relax and enjoy watching your kid play. That stuck with me.

100%

Driving further for practices isn't always fun, but it is a great way to stay connected with my kids as they get older. It's harder as kids get into the 11-15 age bracket and I cherish our longer drives to practice.

Also completely agree on the dreaded drives home after a bad game where parents feel the need to critique performance. I'm very understanding of that as I still remember dreading the car ride home from games when I was younger and didn't play well. I knew I didn't play well and my dad confirming vs comforting was always a tough spot for me. Years later he told me how much he regretted some of those rides home where he was maybe too tough on me. I make sure to keep my thoughts to myself after a bad game from my kids unless they want to talk about it after a game. I remember reading an article about Pulisic a couple years ago and his dad made a similar comment that he never criticized his son's performance after games. He even said after really bad games they would just get in the car and he would stop for ice cream on the way home. I liked that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I was surprised I missed after my daughter went to college was long road trips in the car. I hated spending all that time driving but I would give anything now for an hour in the car talking to my daughter about her day.

Those are my favorite part of it, especially when just me and my daughter. It’s the time she’ll really talk

A thousand times this. This is literally the only long drive I don't hate. It's just me and her on a road trip, our own private adventure. I even look forward to the drives to/from practice.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much, OP and PPs. These perspectives are so important. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the competition and the one-upmanship among parents and forget what's important. I'm not an athlete at all - my kid LOVES this sport and I am absolutely in awe of what she can do. We should pin this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I was surprised I missed after my daughter went to college was long road trips in the car. I hated spending all that time driving but I would give anything now for an hour in the car talking to my daughter about her day.

Those are my favorite part of it, especially when just me and my daughter. It’s the time she’ll really talk

A thousand times this. This is literally the only long drive I don't hate. It's just me and her on a road trip, our own private adventure. I even look forward to the drives to/from practice.

+1

This is me, mom, and my 15 yr. old son. We have great and long conversations... which barely happens otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Son played his final game today. Heads off to college soccer this fall.

Been thinking about this day for a long time. Very bittersweet. I've loved it so much. Wanted to pass along some thoughts to everyone, especially those with younger children.

1 - Enjoy watching your kids play. Not win. Not score a goal. Of course, those things are important and to be celebrated. But honestly enjoy watching the work hard. Watch them lose and be disappointed. Give them space in those moments, especially if they're feeling responsible. They'll bounce back and play better. The easy part is being there when you enjoy the big moments. But those times of difficulty are also important to their growth as people and soccer players. i will truly miss just being at practices or games and seeing the interactions among the boys and the comraderie they developed over the years.

2 - Don't obsess over rankings. i spent hours looking at teams and rankings and trying to figure out where the club would rank and try to gauge future opponents. It's a crapshoot and I look back at the first couple of years and wonder why I spent so much time worrying about where in the top 10 in the state rankings the club would be once the latest points uploaded. Yeah, it's nice to have validation and the potential opportunities that come with it, but it's also something I totally let go of the last couple of years - even as the team continued to play in major tournaments. And you know what? Those points are about to go poof with his team being wiped off the map. You don't get to hold them. It's fleeting.

3 - If you're child isn't yet in high school, take a breath. There's plenty of time for development. Kids that were great when we started are just OK. Some that were just OK are now great. He or she has a chance to be really good if they have good ability and want to put in the work. It has to come from them. With my son, he just loved soccer. It wasn't until sophomore year he got super dedicated and started to take off. No, he didn't play for DC United or DA. But you know what? He's in a good place now and the slate has been wiped clean. Now it's up to him to take it to the next level without the parents and in a new environment.

4 - Was it all worth it? That's a great question. It was thousands of dollars and hours of time going to practices, games, tournaments, camps and school visits. I think about what I might have spent that money on. New kitchen? Nice car? IRA? In the end, he loved it, so it was worth it to me to see him enjoy the experience. I'll admit at times questioning that as he doesn't have a college scholarship from it. The secret though is that not many do as freshmen. In the end, I wouldn't trade. Maybe a few more wins. Maybe not having to deal with the politics of which there were many and the worst part about the process. But I look back with a full heart and few regrets.

Hope your road is as great for you as it was for me.

This obnoxious, mostly useless forum needs many more posts like this one to justify its existence. Thank you for writing this.

Imagine what it says for a person to make a living this way… creating an infrahuman cybernetic world.

[Anonymous]

Can we have this original post tagged and kept at the top of the page like the travel soccer for dummies post. This really should be read by everyone from every sport or activity your child is in long term. Great job OP..