How do you truly forgive a parent who hurt you?

[Anonymous]

Forgiveness isn't required to heal. Seriously. I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD from childhood experiences, much due to my mother. I almost never see and and keep our exchanges to neutral topics via email. I have no guilt. She screwed me up permanently and my goal is to become free of all that. Forgiveness isn't going to remake me and I just have no interest in it. And I've moved through my anger. A great therapist, EMDR, time, and understanding really freed me.

[Anonymous]

You grow up.

[Anonymous]

Prayer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You grow up.

You sound abusive.

[Anonymous]

Forgive yourself first. When you open your heart to the inner shame and unworthiness you have carried due to the abuse, you’ll feel less defensive and angry and full of blame. You can set your boundaries with compassion.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the thoughtful responses. It’s given me a lot to consider. I have a great therapist and am going to keep working through these experiences and emotions. Again, I just want to find some peace and freedom from the abuse.

[Anonymous]

Focus on peace and freedom for yourself, OP. You're in therapy to focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. Your parent won't change, forgiveness won't magically fix things, but you can change your own thinking and beliefs. Best wishes to you, it sounds like you're on your way.

[Anonymous]

Forgive? Maybe
Forget? Never
“I don’t let Larlos and Larlas have power over me” “I’m turning the page and get better”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. I have a therapist, but we've been spending more time discussing my guilt and anxiety over going no contact. Thanks for giving me some more things to think about. I really don't want to carry anger around with me for the rest of my life, but I also don't want to continue a relationship with someone who I know is not capable of changing his behavior.

NP here who has guilt for going low contact. Especially since my parents have rewritten history in their minds to be terrific parents who were always supportive. I’m working on the guilt too. I know rationally I shouldn’t have guilt, and I have good boundaries, but I still have guilt. Peace to you.

[Anonymous]

Didnt "forgive" necessarily - realized I was a child and had no real control over the situations. You can't up and leave at 3, 6, 9, 12.

I'll never forget. I don't let it ruin my life. I let my childhood guide how I wouldn't raise my child. So far its working great.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think forgiveness is a concept that can’t be rationalized, and is largely propagated by religion and if it weren’t there wouldn’t be as much of it. I like what PP said about you forgive yourself. The serenity prayer to me is more useful than forcing myself to forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it.