Advice please. 4 year old DS won't participate in group activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am poster 2023 and 2105.

After your last discription I would seriously have him evualated. If you are in VA I would go through Childfind.

Although he may just be sensitive.

OP here: Do you know if I can go through Childfind w/o a recommendation from his preschool teacher?

[Anonymous]

I am one of the PPs as well... just a warning that, though Childfind may be a good place to start, you may end up wanting to go to a private pediatric occupational therapy group that is familiar with sensory processing disorder. I second the Out-of-Sync child rec. It is extremely helpful and informative. Also, check out the Special Needs board if you need specific recs.

[Anonymous]

Your second post rings many bells for me, also, for SPD.

You will probably need a private eval, as Childfind doesn't really focus on SPD.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend at some point going through the county (ie childfind) because if he DOES have issues, you will want him to have what he needs once he hits elem school (ie having an IEP so that he gets services within the school). you can do both a private OT and through the county, if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the ops post 10 times and never saw her say her child has sensory isses.

I have a background in special education and early/ elementary education. I say this to support what I am going to say.

I have worked with many children. Some children are followers, some are leaders, some are watchers, and some are talkers, and some are listeners. If your childs teacher hasn't mentioned anything to you I wouldn't worry.

Your son sounds like he is soaking in the information by listening and watching. I wouldn't push activities on him. Does he participate when the nanny is around or does he cling to her too.

I nannied for a family where the little girl clinged to mom during everything they went to but when I took her she joined the group with out a problem.

If you are worried then have him tested. If you are wavering on holding him back in preschool I would look at other things beyond his social skills.

Honestly I don't blame him for not liking soccer. Some kids hate it.

I am sure you mean to comfort the OP and tell her not to jump to conclusions. But I find your answer a bit surprising, especially for someone who knows the difference early intervention can make. None of us PPs is hoping the child has sensory issues--we simply see resonances with our own children and think our experience may help OP. I wish someone had pushed me to have my son evaluated long ago instead of acting like I was overreacting to his behavior and overprotective. Four-year-olds become aware of their behavior and their isolation and can feel bad about it. I wish we had intervened before that had started to happen. Occupational therapy is usually a lot of fun for kids and there is a lot one can do at home--actually pretty much everything if one has the knowledge. I am believer in having as much information as possible even if it means wasting a little time or money.

[Anonymous]

I would start with Childfind but they probably won't find much. Also, put your name on a waiting list for an evaluation with a private OT that specializes in SPD. Ask for recs on the Special Needs Forum. GL. And no, a parent can call up and request an eval from Childfind or a private OT all on their own.

[Anonymous]

I just saw this post and three years ago, I could have written it. Starting at about age 4, my oldest son started to get more clingy and uncomfortable in social settings. By the time he was 4.5, he was outright refusing to be in social settings where there were any kids he didn't know. If he knew all the kids, he was fine so we knew it wasn't a light/sound/crowd issue. We had no idea what was going on. During one incident (coincidentally involving soccer), he was fine one moment and the next moment he was insisting that we leave. We couldn't becuase is 3.5 yo sister was participating. He ended up on the sidelines with a sad, faraway look on his face. It was heartbreaking. Ten minutes before the end of the class, he ran back out and wanted to play again. I had no idea what was going on but we were becoming increasinly concerned about him going to kindergarten in the fall.

I talked to our pediatrician (a great one!) who suggested DH and I speak first with a psychologist about what was clearnly anxiety and also pursue on OT evaluation. I called Child Find at our local school and was (incorrectly) told that becuase he'd be kindergarten eligble in the fall, I had to wait until he started school. So, we pursued an OT eval privately. The results stunned us. DS did have sensory issues but not like what you've seen mentioned on this thread - issues with noise, activity, etc. That's what I always thought sensory processing problems were about - it's so much more than that and that's why I would suggest an OT consult. It's also what the psychologist suggest we pursue first and if OT didn't help then we were to bring DS to him.

Our DS's SPD is more related to motor planning and visual/motor integration. He was always sort of a clumsy kid but we didn't too much about it, frankly, becuase DH is too. Like father like son. They both like physical activity and we'd never noticed DS having any problems but what we believe was happening is that DS was becoming conscious that it was more difficult for him to keep up with kids his age, he wasn't as good and it took him a lot longer to understand new games and novel activites. He was comparing himself to his peers (and sometimes his younger sister), coming up short and was having anxiety and self-confidence issues. Even though he was 5, he was never able to articulate to us why he didn't want to go to parties or do things. I don't even know if he was fully aware of why, he just knew he didn't feel good about it.

OT has made an amazing difference for him. I know not everyone has results like we do but after less than 2 months, DS was like a different kid. I know I'm not the most objective person on this issue but what I hear in OP's description is not so much a kid who's a follower but a kid who is uncomfortable and unsure. There's a big difference between being a follower and not wanting to participate in group activities. If your kid doesn't have any issues and this is just his personality fine, an evaluation will can let you know that he's just being who he is. But, if he does have issues, he's going to have challenges his whole life. The old school of thought was that they'd outgrow this. We now know that's no longer the case, they just learn to compensate and sometimes it's not always in the most appropriate way. It will also influence what they choose to do. My feeling on it is that I'd like to have my kid make choices based on his actual likes and not his limitations.

I suggest you call Child Find and express your concerns as well as start looking for a private OT. Sometimes the waiting lists are long and if you don't get satisfactory results from Child Find, you'll at least have a back up plan. You can always cancel the appt with the private OT if Child Find does work out for you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

0805, I did say if she feels something is wrong she should have him tested. I totally support early intervention. I also read her post and didnt see anything about SPD until she posted her second responce. I have more experience with autism, aspergers, down syndrome, add, and adhd, and mental impairments. While SPD goes hand in hand with some of these disabilities. I also don't beleive in making parents feel stressed out either. She already is working out of home, misses her little guy and trying her best.

[Anonymous]

OP--- NO you do not need your childs teacher to use Childfind.

What county are you in? Some counties have better childfind evals than others.

I have sat in on a couple childfind evals. Most children enjoy them.

[Anonymous]

I'm a daycare provider and I never hesitate to suggest to parents that an evaluation for a sensory processing disorder or an ADHD screening, etc...may be needed. I never say, "yeah, your kid totally has ADHD or autism", I just give them my observations and give them contact info for the Early On program. It's all I can do, really. I can relate to the OP's post about her child. My daughter was painfully shy and really kept to herself. She didn't like to participate in anything that involved interraction with other kids. This kept up until she was almost 7. We kept thinking that she would outgrow it, but ultimately we knew that she needed to be evaluated. We had her teacher, her school social worker and the school psychologist evaluate her. We also had her family doctor and a psychologist evaluate her as well. Her diagnosis is ADHD, with the focus being on her being unable to remain focused. She didn't want to participate because she was too embarrassed to ask for help because she forgot the instructions. This also made her feel awkward around other kids so she had a really hard time making friends and she was made fun of for it. I can't remember a time that was more sad for me as a parent than when my husband and I went in to meeet with school staff to discuss my daughter's needs and diagnnosis. That was the day that we were told by her teacher that none of the kids really liked her and that they would call her "weird". My husbad and I were devestated because our kiddo never told us how bad things were and neither did the school. We took immediate action with her and started a low dose of medication (which took some tweaking to get the right med and the right dosage) and we started her on a schedule to help her stay on task. We also had an iep put in place. I stopped trusting the schools to pick up on issues like my daughter had. I learned as much as I could about ADHD and ASD's and it has come in handy in my line of work. OP, if you feel that something may be going on, don't hesitate to get an evaluation. It can only help. My daughter has gone from a very timid, insecure and anxious little girl to a beautiful, intelligent and dynamic young woman. She is in 7th grade now and has tons of friends and great grades. She is also active in extra curricular activities. She's not shy anymore, in fact, she's become pretty extroverted. Also, she made the choice to go off her meds last year and hasn't had to go back on them since. Get opinions from his teacher, but don't feel like she is the authority. You are the autority on your child. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thanks again for everyone's advice. I read everyone's responses and this has been very helpful and makes me feel better. Despite my DH desire to 'wait it out' until he is older, I called Fairfax County Childfind (where I reside) and I'm waiting for a call back within 2 week. DH thinks we just need to build his confidence, but I think whatever we're doing right now isn't working, and perhaps we need help. Also, I know he was born with this because of his behavior since infancy.

For some brief family background: I know ADD runs in our family, as my teenage daughter was diagnosed a few years ago and I believe my husband greatly has it and I may slightly have it. Although my DD's behavior since childhood and my DS's behavior don't quite match, I am sure my DS is at minimum highly sensitive and I am as well. I feel he inherited this HSP and perhaps SPD trait from me. However, I have not looked into any evaluations yet.

It breaks my heart when I see how uncomfortable he is in group situations and I don't want him to grow up continuing to feel this way. I want him to overcome his fears and anxieties. I recall in my childhood, all throughout school how I was so uncomfortable in all my classes that I wouldn't even ask for the hall pass to go to the bathroom! I would always wait (practically in pain) until the class was over. I would also always try to get the seat all the way in the back corner so I wasn't noticed. I believe I let my grades suffer due to my anxiety.

BTW - another example that makes me realize he needs help is, during a preschool party - they had all the kids march around the school putting on a show, but my DS (out of at least 100) was the only one who was holding the teacher's hand because I suppose he didn't have enough confidence to perform in front of the parents. Also, it took the teachers awhile for them to get him to perform his little 5 second part. They didn't have issues with anyone else in the show(: I felt so sad because I could just tell he wanted to get out of the 'lime light', so to speak.

[Anonymous]

So glad to hear you called Child Find! That added bit of information about the ADHD makes me suspect there's something go on even more. As a PP said, I, too, wouldn't have an expectation that the school would bring anything to your attention. It's not that they're not caring but they've got a whole lot of other things going on and different priorities. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP..


I have posted a few times to your post. I am the one who recommended childfind and the one who was kind of accused of not being a caring teacher.

The more you go into your childs history the more it screams PPD or Aspergers.

Now that I know you are in fairfax be aware you are going to have to keep on them to run and follow through with childfind. I would put him in kindergarden next year if he meets the cut off. Make sure you push for an IEP and make sure they follow it.

OT is a very good resource to use but it can be very expensive. That is why I suggested childfind first.

I wish you all the luck in the world. I myself have ADHD wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult after an illness.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who pursued OT...did your insurance cover it? I have a three year old DD with sensory processing issues but unfortunately Blue Choice doesn't seem to have any participating providers. How much did OT cost? DD is getting OT through the county but it focuses primarily on fine motor skills rather than sensory issues. But we can't really afford much private OT. Would a few months treatment over the summer help (I'm hoping the OT can train me to follow up at home)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:44 here, my daughter also received OT and it made a huge difference for her. She is very social now and much more comfortable in school or new situations. It is often a feeling of insecurity in space due to processing or vestibular issues or in processing a lot of visual and auditory information that literally makes them feel insecure and thus act that way was the way the OT described it. Hanging back and watching is one thing the clinging sounds like more of a processing issue to me. If you go to the park is he comfortable running, jumping, kicking a ball, spinning, going on a teeter totter, etc?

PP, what kinds of things did the OT do that was so helpful? Thanks.