When/how do Holton girls socialize with boys?

[Anonymous]

6:46 what school does your DS go to? I think your post is lame!! I am sure in a couple of years those same little boys will be glad to get an invitation from "any" girl! Holton or otherwise! I think you just have some personal issues with Holton! You should really work them out! Instead of insulting an entire school of young women! I wonder how you will feel when your sone goes through his "awkward phase and can't get any girls to even look his way...I bet an invite from a Holton girl will be more than welcomed!

[Anonymous]

I don't get the focus on social access to boys. I really don't. Do you live in a single sex neighborhood? Does your daughter have no brothers, male cousins, uncles, father or father figure? Do you worship in a conservative mosque that separates worshipers by gender? It seems to me that worrying about which dances someone does or does not get invited to is misplaced. There are demonstrated benefits to single sex education for girls. Those benefits are entirely the point.

The idea that Holton is "isolated" because it is not just across the Cathedral Close from a boys school is ridiculous. Given the national academic reputation of both Holton and NCS, I wish we could stop talking about them like the whole point is to line up a boyfriend and that these are merely finishing schools.

I also would like to thank the STA poster with the groaning middle school son. You have just reemphasized the need for me to go over date rape with my daughters quite carefully. When boys learn at such a young age to dehumanize girls based on criteria such as where they go to school, it's not such a leap to think that the worst can happen.

[Anonymous]

Well, I do kind of think it is a leap to go from rudeness (I was the poster stating that the teachers should address this poor behavior) to saying that STA 6th graders are potential date rapists. While you argue that the boys are learning to dehumanize girls, your post dehumanizes those same boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to one of the all girls schools in the area and we def socialized with boys from the local all boys schools on the weekend. Someone always had a connection at another school and then the circle would widen quickly. In my case, my cousin attended our "brother school" so we got our friends together for movies or parties, etc...it was NEVER a problem.

OP here: thanks, this is encouraging. I hope this is true particularly for Holton girls too.

I went to an all girls school in another state and it was exactly like this. People had friends in other school and we participated in extra curriculars at other schools (i.e. band, plays, etc.). Also we went to the guys' schools' sporting events and parties afterward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a parent at a local boys' school that is not Landon. Holton middle schoolers frequently invite boys from my DS's school to their dances. My DS tells me that the invitations are announced at lunchtime and are met with groans and comments like, "Who'd want to go to a Holton dance?" My DS's school has a sister school, and it is not Holton.

I don't see why the Holton girls ever invite my DS's school when my DS's school *never* invites Holton girls to their dances. Never. Holton has Landon, so why bother inviting other boys' schools? I wish the Holton girls could know how negatively their invitation is received at my DS's school and stop issuing invitations.

Holton girls just seem to be casting too wide a net for boys, and it makes the girls look socially desperate.

Maybe some Holton parent will read this post and pass on a gentle hint to to the girls?

Wow! This is one of the bitchier posts I've read on DCUM! Really??? You're raising a middle school snob who classifies people (already) based on where they go to school? How sad for your child that he cannot learn basic social skills -- clearly they are not modeled at home or at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the focus on social access to boys. I really don't. Do you live in a single sex neighborhood? Does your daughter have no brothers, male cousins, uncles, father or father figure? Do you worship in a conservative mosque that separates worshipers by gender? It seems to me that worrying about which dances someone does or does not get invited to is misplaced. There are demonstrated benefits to single sex education for girls. Those benefits are entirely the point.

The idea that Holton is "isolated" because it is not just across the Cathedral Close from a boys school is ridiculous. Given the national academic reputation of both Holton and NCS, I wish we could stop talking about them like the whole point is to line up a boyfriend and that these are merely finishing schools.

I also would like to thank the STA poster with the groaning middle school son. You have just reemphasized the need for me to go over date rape with my daughters quite carefully. When boys learn at such a young age to dehumanize girls based on criteria such as where they go to school, it's not such a leap to think that the worst can happen.

How many have teenage sons? Daughters? My guess is many are clueless or don't have teenagers that are sources of info on what actually occurs.

[Anonymous]

06:46 here. I am surprised at the vitriol at my post, which I had thought would be helpful both to those asking how Holton girls socialize with boys and to those who might be in a position to hint to the Holton girls that they should be more discriminating with their social invitations.

What I did not think to include in my post (not anticipating the assumptions that readers would make) is that my DS was speaking critically of the groaners and that I agreed with DS that such behavior by the boys was impolite.

Having gone to a girls' school myself (in another city), I know what it's like to be in a girls' school with a boys' school nearby but not next door. From experience I know that girls at girls' schools can try too hard to manufacture social opportunities. If my daughter was behaving too socially aggressively (and I'm not being sexist here, for it's possible for both boys and girls to be so), I would want another parent to let me know. I posted on this thread because I was speaking parent to parent, or at least I thought so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the focus on social access to boys. I really don't. Do you live in a single sex neighborhood? Does your daughter have no brothers, male cousins, uncles, father or father figure? Do you worship in a conservative mosque that separates worshipers by gender? It seems to me that worrying about which dances someone does or does not get invited to is misplaced. There are demonstrated benefits to single sex education for girls. Those benefits are entirely the point.

The idea that Holton is "isolated" because it is not just across the Cathedral Close from a boys school is ridiculous. Given the national academic reputation of both Holton and NCS, I wish we could stop talking about them like the whole point is to line up a boyfriend and that these are merely finishing schools.

I also would like to thank the STA poster with the groaning middle school son. You have just reemphasized the need for me to go over date rape with my daughters quite carefully. When boys learn at such a young age to dehumanize girls based on criteria such as where they go to school, it's not such a leap to think that the worst can happen.

I agree that worrying about dances is ridiculous, but can socializing with neighbors and family can replace natural interaction with peers of opposite sex? It would be truly brilliant if the school allowed for a single sex classroom with opportunities to socialize with opposite sex while working on a play or during athletic events, and not just going out "to meet boys at a cotillion". It seems from the above posts that such opportunities exist, although some girls are still aggressively seeking out boys. Whether you like it or not, it is happening.

[Anonymous]

My DD is about to start at a single-sex school (MS) and the last thing on my mind is where she can meet boys to socialize with. She knows boys from her current school. She knows boys from church and youth group. She knows boys from old home town. She is involved with a couple of extracurriculars where she will probably meet boys. One of her best friends is an out-of-state boy from where we lived previously. They call each other up and talk about books and movies--Harry Potter, etc.. I am not worried about it.

[Anonymous]

I had the same concern for my son, who's at a boys' school and doesnt' have a sister. But then I recalled that I went to an all-girls' school and certainly didn't have any problem meeting boys and having a social life! From what I can tell, by upper school there seem to be lot of opportunities for boys and girls to get together. At Landon, they do quite a few activities with Holton: plays, community service projects, and dances.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. You would think this is the 1950s or something. Would people really pay $30k+ a year to worry about where the girl is going to meet a boyfriend? As Dr. Phil would say...."get real".

If your priority is to get a boyfriend for your daughter -- save your $30k -- get cooking and dancing classes for her...and teach her to say... "whatever you want dear". Save your money. Holton is about academic excellence...it's not a finsihing school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. You would think this is the 1950s or something. Would people really pay $30k+ a year to worry about where the girl is going to meet a boyfriend? As Dr. Phil would say...."get real".

If your priority is to get a boyfriend for your daughter -- save your $30k -- get cooking and dancing classes for her...and teach her to say... "whatever you want dear". Save your money. Holton is about academic excellence...it's not a finsihing school.

Get over yourself. There is a big difference between finding a boyfriend (or husband, seems like what you are implying) and learning how to interact productively with boys. Yes that includes skills that can be useful at work or academic environment beyond high school. the world is not single sex.

[Anonymous]

A short visit to Holton's website would tell you a lot about things Holton and Landon students do together, including sports (e.g., fencing), a special "senior" (like "eagle") girl scout project (involving water polo), classes, social events, plays/musicals, projects, etc. It is a fabulous school and no student there will have any reason upon graduation to be lacking in social graces vis vis any other human being (male or female).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a parent at a local boys' school that is not Landon. Holton middle schoolers frequently invite boys from my DS's school to their dances. My DS tells me that the invitations are announced at lunchtime and are met with groans and comments like, "Who'd want to go to a Holton dance?" My DS's school has a sister school, and it is not Holton.

I don't see why the Holton girls ever invite my DS's school when my DS's school *never* invites Holton girls to their dances. Never. Holton has Landon, so why bother inviting other boys' schools? I wish the Holton girls could know how negatively their invitation is received at my DS's school and stop issuing invitations.

Holton girls just seem to be casting too wide a net for boys, and it makes the girls look socially desperate.

Maybe some Holton parent will read this post and pass on a gentle hint to to the girls?

Perhaps your son is unaware that many of the smaller middle schools in this area will issue an invitation to 8 to 10 other middle schools, in order to have a larger dance with some less familiar faces. It's not that Holton is somehow chasing your son and his friends. My MS son, at a coed school in the area, has been to dances at St. Patricks, WES, St. Andrew's, and others. He says they are a lot of fun.

Your report of your son's behavior (and that of his friends) is a very poor reflection on his school, its teachers, and its culture, and not a poor reflection on Holton at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a parent at a local boys' school that is not Landon. Holton middle schoolers frequently invite boys from my DS's school to their dances. My DS tells me that the invitations are announced at lunchtime and are met with groans and comments like, "Who'd want to go to a Holton dance?" My DS's school has a sister school, and it is not Holton.

I don't see why the Holton girls ever invite my DS's school when my DS's school *never* invites Holton girls to their dances. Never. Holton has Landon, so why bother inviting other boys' schools? I wish the Holton girls could know how negatively their invitation is received at my DS's school and stop issuing invitations.

Holton girls just seem to be casting too wide a net for boys, and it makes the girls look socially desperate.

Maybe some Holton parent will read this post and pass on a gentle hint to to the girls?

Perhaps your son is unaware that many of the smaller middle schools in this area will issue an invitation to 8 to 10 other middle schools, in order to have a larger dance with some less familiar faces. It's not that Holton is somehow chasing your son and his friends. My MS son, at a coed school in the area, has been to dances at St. Patricks, WES, St. Andrew's, and others. He says they are a lot of fun.

Your report of your son's behavior (and that of his friends) is a very poor reflection on his school, its teachers, and its culture, and not a poor reflection on Holton at all.

I am the poster of the post that you quoted. I disagree with you: repeatedly issuing social invitations that are not reciprocated is too socially aggressive. Adults know better than to do that, and we need as parents to teach our children the social graces. Children do not know better. But they will be judged as socially desperate by others if they keep doing so, just as an adult who does so is seen as socially trying too hard or simply inept.