What are the benefits of a retirement or assisted living community?

[Anonymous]

We have a family friend who’s in an Erickson Living facility in NJ and I am so impressed with the place. She has a lovely little apartment, but can go to the dining room for meals whenever she wants. There are lots of activities to do. She’s made a lot of friends, and is well cared for. It strikes me as being like dorm-living for senior citizens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are in a continuing care community and my dad died a year ago of Parkinson’s. They are in independent living. The social aspect is huge- it isn’t just that you make friends and there is lots to do, but that you make friends before you get sick and decrepit and then they stay your friends as you decline, and they still have the memory of you healthy. In a normal apartment when someone gets sick and needs assisted living they move out, and move into assisted living without friends and with their lower level of functioning. My parents found that my dad’s friends were really vital to his well-being as he was declining, but at that stage he was unable to make friends. He had to make friends before he needed them, so to speak. If your mom is suggesting a continuing care community I’d listen to her. She probably knows that friends are as (more?) vital to happy aging than family. I say this as a loving and beloved daughter who helps with my parents care every week.

That’s really insightful, pp.

[Anonymous]

Leisure World has a tom of activities and opportunities for exercise. I’m ready to move there. Kid has to grt through high school first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are in a continuing care community and my dad died a year ago of Parkinson’s. They are in independent living. The social aspect is huge- it isn’t just that you make friends and there is lots to do, but that you make friends before you get sick and decrepit and then they stay your friends as you decline, and they still have the memory of you healthy. In a normal apartment when someone gets sick and needs assisted living they move out, and move into assisted living without friends and with their lower level of functioning. My parents found that my dad’s friends were really vital to his well-being as he was declining, but at that stage he was unable to make friends. He had to make friends before he needed them, so to speak. If your mom is suggesting a continuing care community I’d listen to her. She probably knows that friends are as (more?) vital to happy aging than family. I say this as a loving and beloved daughter who helps with my parents care every week.

That’s really insightful, pp.

+1

[Anonymous]

First off I must tell you how fortunate you are to have such a reasonable mother!! God bless her!

For us the parents who chose to age in place have been a nightmare. Only one downsized and at least that helps a smidge. the first few years may be fine, but eventually for us it was emergency after emergency with entitled and angry and lonely parents refusing to move. There is a whole industry playing into this, but what they fail to tell you is there are no-shows and meals that don't get delivered and it is so very isolating. The parent who willingly chose CC was a Godsend and much happier surrounded by new friends.

I applaud your mother for not wanting to make you life a living hell. I have been at this with parents and inlaws for gosh like 8 or 9 years and I will never do this to my own kids. I will be like your mom and willingly downsize and go to CC so I can truly enjoy my kids and perhaps grandkids if I am lucky and not take years off their life as I decline.

[Anonymous]

The thing my mom and I liked about Leisure World is it’s just a real estate transaction. No upfront fee for continuing care you may or may not need. The housing options are pretty nice and are fairly reasonable in cost. There are a number of amenities like pools and the golf course. There are a couple gyms. Pre COVID there were regular concerts and plays. There are so many clubs and activities there! And drama and gossip. It’s a whole city unto itself. We will figure out additional services or a move if she needs them later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing my mom and I liked about Leisure World is it’s just a real estate transaction. No upfront fee for continuing care you may or may not need. The housing options are pretty nice and are fairly reasonable in cost. There are a number of amenities like pools and the golf course. There are a couple gyms. Pre COVID there were regular concerts and plays. There are so many clubs and activities there! And drama and gossip. It’s a whole city unto itself. We will figure out additional services or a move if she needs them later.

Do they have an assisting living or nursing care facility on campus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think someone in her early seventies who is in good health is not a good candidate for a continuing care community yet. Although the advertising brochures show very youthful looking old people as residents, the reality often is that most of the residents are physically and/or mentally challenged. A relative of mine moved into an independent living apt in a continuing care community as a very peppy 85 year old and still felt that many of the residents had given up on life.

Not true. The one relative we had who did CC moved in in great shape-vibrant, social and healthy. She was I believe 69. Within a few years she needed a minor surgery and came out of anesthesia with dementia. It happens fast. One fall and breaking the hip or one seemingly minor surgery and the person goes from independent to needing major care. It is pure hell having to get the right supports when they are living on their own in say an apartment and haven't formed a trusting relationship with a hired caregiver or they have a trusted caregiver and that person informs you they do not provide the level of care your loved one now needs.

From experience I will tell you somehow major emergencies happen at the absolute worst time for the adult children and after you have taken off work and dealt with everything that needs to be done within 6 months you often have your own medical emergency prob ably from all the stress. From support groups, etc I have now met people who had strokes, heart attacks, were diagnosed with cancer, were diagnosed with lupus, etc all within 6 months to a year of dealing with a chaotic nightmare with an elderly parent who did not plan for aging care needs. I also know quite a few situations where the elderly parent lived to a much riper age than the adult child who was there for them. Consider yourself lucky if one day your parent calmly dies in his or her sleep. Too many times there is a decline that involves endless emergencies and/or a raging and abusive case of dementia. I will absolutely go into continued care when healthy and happy so i can make friends and have the right help and not do in my children due to my own selfishness. There are emergencies with CC too, but it's nothing like what you deal with when they are aging in place.

[Anonymous]

As parents age they may not make the right decisions about where to live. For example they may refuse to move out of their house when it's too much to maintain, too far away from family and support. It imposes a hardship on the family and caregivers. Move them before it's too late

[Anonymous]

My parents (upper 70's) just moved from their large SFH to a continuing care community. I think it was a great choice for them. At that age, anyone's health can change really quickly. The community they live in does require a fairly large buy in, but 90% will come back when they are not there. It can also be used for increased care if it is needed. I will not have to sell a house after they are gone. Another plus is if one person needs extra care they can get it in the same location so the other person does not have to drive to see them.

Covid aside, tons of activities, trip, lectures etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As parents age they may not make the right decisions about where to live. For example they may refuse to move out of their house when it's too much to maintain, too far away from family and support. It imposes a hardship on the family and caregivers. Move them before it's too late

+1. My MIL passed away a few years ago and the last two or three years were awful. She was virtually a shut-in and probably clinically depressed after FIL died, yet refused to move either to a senior facility near her small hometown or to be in the same city as one of her adult children. My DH and his siblings rotated visiting and caring for their mom, burning through vacation time, so that she could stay in her own home hundreds of miles from any of us. Due to health issues she didn't go out much, and so was really alone almost all the time.

Similar to a PP, she went into the hospital for an outpatient procedure, something went wrong and she never made it home again having to transfer instead to a rehab and nursing facility. She might have been so much happier had she been in a community of others her age rather than at home alone during her final years. If OP's mom is open to a setting that provides her with physical and social-emotional wellness, I'd say go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a multi-step community she is onsite and more easily can move from independent living to assisted to nursing care when the time comes. Living in a community of fellow seniors so a social setting that may work for her. No landscaping or house upkeep. Less reliance on you.

I guess I just don't see the difference from living in an apartment, with no landscaping or upkeep, and with lots of on-site ammeneties like grocery, dry-cleaner, concierge, security and maintenace staff... if she may not need that level of nursing care someday, is it worth the extra cost to start off in a community? I do agree that the social aspect would be nice, especially since she'd be fully relocating from out of the area.

My mom is in a CCRC, and one of the nice things about all the tasks that get done for her is that she doesn't have to arrange or notice anything. The cleaners just show up every other week; maintenance keeps track of what's how old and when it needs to be replaced, or if other residents start having a problem with something, the maintenance guys just check all the units to see if they're having a problem, too. You don't have to make any sort of arrangements for transportation, you just call the person in charge of that and they find someone for you. Healthcare, banking, haircuts, footcare, minor groceries (bread, milk) are available without a trip to the store.

And yes, she can walk to see all her friends.

I guess you could live in Leisureworld if you wanted to move to a new place among strangers when you have a healthcare crisis, but that sounds terrible to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a multi-step community she is onsite and more easily can move from independent living to assisted to nursing care when the time comes. Living in a community of fellow seniors so a social setting that may work for her. No landscaping or house upkeep. Less reliance on you.

I guess I just don't see the difference from living in an apartment, with no landscaping or upkeep, and with lots of on-site ammeneties like grocery, dry-cleaner, concierge, security and maintenace staff... if she may not need that level of nursing care someday, is it worth the extra cost to start off in a community? I do agree that the social aspect would be nice, especially since she'd be fully relocating from out of the area.

My mom is in a CCRC, and one of the nice things about all the tasks that get done for her is that she doesn't have to arrange or notice anything. The cleaners just show up every other week; maintenance keeps track of what's how old and when it needs to be replaced, or if other residents start having a problem with something, the maintenance guys just check all the units to see if they're having a problem, too. You don't have to make any sort of arrangements for transportation, you just call the person in charge of that and they find someone for you. Healthcare, banking, haircuts, footcare, minor groceries (bread, milk) are available without a trip to the store.

And yes, she can walk to see all her friends.

I guess you could live in Leisureworld if you wanted to move to a new place among strangers when you have a healthcare crisis, but that sounds terrible to me.

Yes! It's like having concierge service. My DH and I joke that we want to move in too to have all that taken care of. Do they take 40 year olds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes! It's like having concierge service. My DH and I joke that we want to move in too to have all that taken care of. Do they take 40 year olds?

Are you and your husband willing to get divorced and each marry someone living in a CCRC?

[Anonymous]

I am 60 and would like to move into a CC facility in my mid to early 70s. Of course what concerns me is the buy in cost and then the monthly charges.

20 years of 6K a month or more totals 1.4 million in rent, not to mention the buy in cost. Anyone have actual costs from their parents experience?