What are the benefits of a retirement or assisted living community?

[Anonymous]

My father passed away last year; he and my mom live about 90 minutes away from me in a large house with a large yard that is way too much for my mom to manage on her own. She is feeling very isolated and lonely as well, and is ready to start looking to downsize and move closer to me here in lower MoCo. We have been looking at apartments close to my house, especially ones that have more "senior" populations, and she also wants to look at communities like Riderwood and Leisure World.

She is early 70's, in good health and independent; she can drive and handle everything except for the care and maintenance of their large, older house and large property/yard. So totally on board with downsizing, and we both want her to move close by. So what would be the benefits of an assisted living community, which would put her about 30 minutes from me, versus an apartment, which would be <5 minutes (walking distance even) to me? If she were that close, I could easily help her with groceries, running errands, light housekeeping, appointments... if/when it comes to that (she's nowhere close to needing any of that right now).

What else would an assisted living community provide for her if/when the time comes? And is it safe to assume that at some point she will need help beyond what I could provide for her, so she ought to get into one "before she needs it", as she keeps saying? I know that's virtually impossible to answer without a crystal ball....

Thank you for any light you can help shed. This is a new place for me to be in :/

[Anonymous]

Cost. Rider wood is a money grab

[Anonymous]

If it's a multi-step community she is onsite and more easily can move from independent living to assisted to nursing care when the time comes. Living in a community of fellow seniors so a social setting that may work for her. No landscaping or house upkeep. Less reliance on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's a multi-step community she is onsite and more easily can move from independent living to assisted to nursing care when the time comes. Living in a community of fellow seniors so a social setting that may work for her. No landscaping or house upkeep. Less reliance on you.

I guess I just don't see the difference from living in an apartment, with no landscaping or upkeep, and with lots of on-site ammeneties like grocery, dry-cleaner, concierge, security and maintenace staff... if she may not need that level of nursing care someday, is it worth the extra cost to start off in a community? I do agree that the social aspect would be nice, especially since she'd be fully relocating from out of the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a multi-step community she is onsite and more easily can move from independent living to assisted to nursing care when the time comes. Living in a community of fellow seniors so a social setting that may work for her. No landscaping or house upkeep. Less reliance on you.

I guess I just don't see the difference from living in an apartment, with no landscaping or upkeep, and with lots of on-site ammeneties like grocery, dry-cleaner, concierge, security and maintenace staff... if she may not need that level of nursing care someday, is it worth the extra cost to start off in a community? I do agree that the social aspect would be nice, especially since she'd be fully relocating from out of the area.

That is what you and your mom need to decide. As someone who had to do this with both my parents, if they are already in a continuing care community in independent living they will have priority for the nursing or assisted living facility. If not, they will need to take what is available if they ever need rehab after being in a hospital. My parents were not, and it was months long fight to move them somewhere decent. Others may be just fine in a regular apartment, or at least a 55+ community.

[Anonymous]

My MIL lives in a continuing care comunity. She moved there after FIL died. The benefit of it are peace of mind -- that she has care for all stages of her life. You may be able to help her out now, but at some point she will need more assistance and it can be stressful figuring out when that it and how to deal with it. The other big benefit of it is socialization -- there's lots of opportunity for that. She lives independently, but there is dinner every night in the dining room and it's nice to eat and socialize with others. She's also involved with several interest groups there -- book club, library committee, gardening club. MIL is very social so she enjoys that aspect. Most of her friends are very independent too -- they drive, volunteer, maintain their apts -- but it's nice to have the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a multi-step community she is onsite and more easily can move from independent living to assisted to nursing care when the time comes. Living in a community of fellow seniors so a social setting that may work for her. No landscaping or house upkeep. Less reliance on you.

I guess I just don't see the difference from living in an apartment, with no landscaping or upkeep, and with lots of on-site ammeneties like grocery, dry-cleaner, concierge, security and maintenace staff... if she may not need that level of nursing care someday, is it worth the extra cost to start off in a community? I do agree that the social aspect would be nice, especially since she'd be fully relocating from out of the area.

To me the social may be the biggest aspect. What are her plans for building an active and social life here so that she isn’t dependent on you, unless that’s what you want. If she is planning to jump into volunteering, joining a house of worship, and so on then an apartment might be fine but beware the loneliness.

[Anonymous]

If your mom is of the mindset that she should move into a senior community so she has the support of snd wgen she needs it, that’s really terrific and might save you so much potential stress down the road.

It sounds like she is very independent so wouldn’t be a candidate for assisted living, but she might be a good candidate for independent living, ideally part of a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community). Tgesecounities allow people to age in place, as they have independent living, assisted living, memory care, nursing care and rehab all on one campus. However, it is important to find a community where the independent living residents are active and on the younger side, like your mom.

It might still be early for all of this. You can keep an eye out for a CCRC that might fit the bill when your mom is a bit older, and pursue a retirement community like Leisure World instead. The benefit to this would be social interaction and plenty of activities - but of course it all depends on your mom’s interests, personality and preferences.

It might be worth touring some of these places with your mom. If she prefers to live in an apartment that’s not part of a senior community, it sounds like she’s more than capable of
that. But her instinct to plan for the future is an excellent one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your mom is of the mindset that she should move into a senior community so she has the support of snd wgen she needs it, that’s really terrific and might save you so much potential stress down the road.

It sounds like she is very independent so wouldn’t be a candidate for assisted living, but she might be a good candidate for independent living, ideally part of a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community). Tgesecounities allow people to age in place, as they have independent living, assisted living, memory care, nursing care and rehab all on one campus. However, it is important to find a community where the independent living residents are active and on the younger side, like your mom.

It might still be early for all of this. You can keep an eye out for a CCRC that might fit the bill when your mom is a bit older, and pursue a retirement community like Leisure World instead. The benefit to this would be social interaction and plenty of activities - but of course it all depends on your mom’s interests, personality and preferences.

It might be worth touring some of these places with your mom. If she prefers to live in an apartment that’s not part of a senior community, it sounds like she’s more than capable of
that. But her instinct to plan for the future is an excellent one.

^^ so she has the support *if and when she needs it*

[Anonymous]

Thank you all so much for these thoughtful replies; I really appreciate them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your mom is of the mindset that she should move into a senior community so she has the support of snd wgen she needs it, that’s really terrific and might save you so much potential stress down the road.

It sounds like she is very independent so wouldn’t be a candidate for assisted living, but she might be a good candidate for independent living, ideally part of a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community). Tgesecounities allow people to age in place, as they have independent living, assisted living, memory care, nursing care and rehab all on one campus. However, it is important to find a community where the independent living residents are active and on the younger side, like your mom.

It might still be early for all of this. You can keep an eye out for a CCRC that might fit the bill when your mom is a bit older, and pursue a retirement community like Leisure World instead. The benefit to this would be social interaction and plenty of activities - but of course it all depends on your mom’s interests, personality and preferences.

It might be worth touring some of these places with your mom. If she prefers to live in an apartment that’s not part of a senior community, it sounds like she’s more than capable of
that. But her instinct to plan for the future is an excellent one.

Ugh, so sorry for typos. Meant - *these communities* allow people to age on place (CCRCs) Just to add, they also have tons of activities, opportunities to volunteer, etc.

[Anonymous]

My parents are in a continuing care community and my dad died a year ago of Parkinson’s. They are in independent living. The social aspect is huge- it isn’t just that you make friends and there is lots to do, but that you make friends before you get sick and decrepit and then they stay your friends as you decline, and they still have the memory of you healthy. In a normal apartment when someone gets sick and needs assisted living they move out, and move into assisted living without friends and with their lower level of functioning. My parents found that my dad’s friends were really vital to his well-being as he was declining, but at that stage he was unable to make friends. He had to make friends before he needed them, so to speak. If your mom is suggesting a continuing care community I’d listen to her. She probably knows that friends are as (more?) vital to happy aging than family. I say this as a loving and beloved daughter who helps with my parents care every week.

[Anonymous]

I think someone in her early seventies who is in good health is not a good candidate for a continuing care community yet. Although the advertising brochures show very youthful looking old people as residents, the reality often is that most of the residents are physically and/or mentally challenged. A relative of mine moved into an independent living apt in a continuing care community as a very peppy 85 year old and still felt that many of the residents had given up on life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think someone in her early seventies who is in good health is not a good candidate for a continuing care community yet. Although the advertising brochures show very youthful looking old people as residents, the reality often is that most of the residents are physically and/or mentally challenged. A relative of mine moved into an independent living apt in a continuing care community as a very peppy 85 year old and still felt that many of the residents had given up on life.

I think it really depends on the community. People tend to self-sort -- a community with active 70s is going to attract more, a community with 80 yos will not attract 70 yos. I wouldn't say the residents in my MIL's CCRC had given up on life. They are really active! But definitely you will want to visit and check it out before deciding to move in.

[Anonymous]

A huge benefit of a CCC is that they will care for you if you later develop dementia. Many CCC’s will not accept you if you already have dementia.

Another thought is what happens to your loved one when she is no longer able to drive. Does she want to be a shut-in? It’s nice to have warm meals prepared for you, and many CCC’s have multiple restaurants to choose from.