Spouse Telling People in Our Circle We Are Separating

[Anonymous]

I get this. When I was done, I told everyone also. I was happy to be done and wanted to share. If he's telling people about it, you are DONE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I guess your spouse is convinced you are done or else is looking for sympathy.

I think it's his way of making sure it happens. By putting it out there, he is putting the wheels in motion.

Really crappy thing to do, ESPECIALLY if you have kids!! They will hear about from others before you.

Wondering this too. I've seen this situation played out before and one spouse kept saying how they had NO idea other spouse was serious and that the rug had been pulled out from under them. Except a few of us knew they had been discussing it for months and that person refused to believe the other spouse that the marriage was over.

I tried to share this information several months into preparing to move out. We had been separated in the home for 6 months with tensions growing. If I would not have shared this, he would have created an entirely different story. Eventually, his/our family and friends understood to beat help him everyone move forward they had to support his acceptance. It took a very long time and honestly even now I think if I had a second thought he would be open to remarriage. I do t know the context around this, but I’d be careful to make sure you aren’t passive-aggressively (is that a word?) dragging your feet. That is unfair too. Maybe you two can discuss what you will tell people so you’re both on the same page. And also what to tell the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a private person and I would hate this, but it sure would give me the push to be done already. I would no longer vacillate in my mind about whether to do it; it would be all about how to accomplish the separation as quickly and as easily for the kids as possible. Perhaps it would be a gift.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's usually the wife that does this. Maybe he was trying to get ahead of the gossip cycle.

[Anonymous]

You are separated now. Brutal way for him to make it happen, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to dictate others response.

With info like that you do. Imagine the reason my wife and I never had kids was because she was infertile. Now imagine every time we were asked why we didn't have I kids I blurted out "She can't".

[Anonymous]

I told everyone--friends, family, Scout leaders, school teachers, etc. And I told them why.

[Anonymous]

My ex ran into a neighbor at the court when he was filing for divorce. Told her. Before he told me and the kids. It was gutting.

[Anonymous]

Seems OK to me, because you ARE separating. I know it hurts, but unless he's lying about you I don't think this is really an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to dictate others response.

Well sure, it's not illegal for her stbx to tell people, but it's going to be a helluva contentious divorce if they don't agree to things like this ahead of time. I really hope that OP doesn't have kids with this man. This is no way to start an amicable divorce and co-parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex ran into a neighbor at the court when he was filing for divorce. Told her. Before he told me and the kids. It was gutting.

Hugs to you. This is just wrong. How are you supposed to have an amicable co-parenting relationship after a stunt like that?

[Anonymous]

I had a friend do this to me. Told me she and husband were separating. She told a number of friends in our circle.

Saw them a bunch of times after that together, hanging out as a couple. They are still married and this was 7 years ago.

I haven't brought it up since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told everyone--friends, family, Scout leaders, school teachers, etc. And I told them why.

And I’m sure you looked nuts for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told everyone--friends, family, Scout leaders, school teachers, etc. And I told them why.

And I’m sure you looked nuts for it.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I guess your spouse is convinced you are done or else is looking for sympathy.

I think it's his way of making sure it happens. By putting it out there, he is putting the wheels in motion.

Really crappy thing to do, ESPECIALLY if you have kids!! They will hear about from others before you.

Wondering this too. I've seen this situation played out before and one spouse kept saying how they had NO idea other spouse was serious and that the rug had been pulled out from under them. Except a few of us knew they had been discussing it for months and that person refused to believe the other spouse that the marriage was over.

Mine didn’t believe I was serious until I handed him keys to a new place that I’d arranged for him. He might be trying to take control of the narrative if OP isn’t doing her part.