Parents of 4 or more

[Anonymous]

We decided to have 4. They’re currently 10.5, 8, 5 ame 2. But we lived in a walkable area where all schools were within walking distance, as well as many activities. However, not sure if we’re going to live there anymore. We are considering moving to a place with a K-12 charter school. We haven’t had a nanny yet but are open to one in the future.

[Anonymous]

We have six, but there's a big spread between #2 and #3, and the 5th and 6th are step kids. We haven't had an issue with hotel rooms - we've always just gotten two - either adjoining or next door/across the hall from each other. No big deal.

The thing that gave us the most stress was keeping the little ones out of the way when the older ones had friends over or needed to study/do homework. Little kids are enamored by big kids, so that was hard. Having an afternoon (2-7) nanny has been a lifesaver. Sometimes I just have them doing three loads of laundry and stirring two things on the stove for a few hours while I'm running around with three kids while one kid practices a presentation over and over to the nanny.

Watching the kids form their own relationships has been awesome. Having one in college FaceTime one in middle school and seeing them do homework "together" is great. Flying one out for Siblings Weekend is even better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friends don't invite you over as a family nearly as often , at least not for several years.

Yeah, this part really sucks, but I get it. If someone wants to invite a couple of families over for a small get-together, and one invitation can mean 6-7 people in and of itself... that turns it into a much bigger gathering so we get overlooked for smaller families.

I also found this to be an issue. Whether or not having four is easy or difficult partly depends on how many kids your friends have. We aren't religious, but when we had our fourth, we had a lot of Mormon friends with big families (once you have one Mormon friend, you have a lot of them). It was actually really easy. The kids played together. They were in some activities, but you didn't have to join the baseball team to play baseball or the soccer team to play soccer...not when you regularly had playgroup with 15 other kids.

We moved when my youngest was a year old, and we had a really difficult time making family friends. It was actually really lonely. DH and I had almost no friends outside of work. The kids had friends, but we always had to call and arrange playdates. At one point, DH and I talked about joining the LDS church just to find some people with bigger families to hang out with. Eventually, the kids got older, and our invitations started being accepted, and other people started extending invitations to us.

[Anonymous]

We have five. If you can handle three, five is no big deal. Mine are all adults now. I miss having a houseful of kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friends don't invite you over as a family nearly as often , at least not for several years.

Yeah, this part really sucks, but I get it. If someone wants to invite a couple of families over for a small get-together, and one invitation can mean 6-7 people in and of itself... that turns it into a much bigger gathering so we get overlooked for smaller families.

I also found this to be an issue. Whether or not having four is easy or difficult partly depends on how many kids your friends have. We aren't religious, but when we had our fourth, we had a lot of Mormon friends with big families (once you have one Mormon friend, you have a lot of them). It was actually really easy. The kids played together. They were in some activities, but you didn't have to join the baseball team to play baseball or the soccer team to play soccer...not when you regularly had playgroup with 15 other kids.

We moved when my youngest was a year old, and we had a really difficult time making family friends. It was actually really lonely. DH and I had almost no friends outside of work. The kids had friends, but we always had to call and arrange playdates. At one point, DH and I talked about joining the LDS church just to find some people with bigger families to hang out with. Eventually, the kids got older, and our invitations started being accepted, and other people started extending invitations to us.

My daughter’s good friend is the oldest of 5 kids. I almost never ask her over for a play date anymore. They moved that they are far enough enough away that drop off play date isn’t practical. So when we have one, mom brings all 5 kids. It’s a lot. I feel bad for not inviting them over as much anymore. If I do feel up to one, I suggest us driving one way, either to pick her up or drop off, to shirt around the whole group coming over.

[Anonymous]

OP here—really appreciate the thoughtful responses, thank you!

[Anonymous]

We have five. Preschool to teenage age. It’s pretty wonderful. We don’t feel like we can’t do things other families can, but it’s true that we do have to prioritize activities and types of travel. We still get invited to dinner parties because our kids are nice and well behaved (I think five nice, calm kids are easier than two crazy ones). Everyone has a friend, they all play well together and we do make it a point to carve out individual time with each child regularly. That’s important.