Separation after new baby?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I was the first responder to this post. I assumed you were married. A lot of people have difficultly with a baby and just assumed you were married.

If you are not married, you are right--you have no choice. Anyone can walk away.

I think you need to figure out if he wants custody or not. Also, you need to see an attorney so you can get child support.

Sorry you are going through this. Try to find mom friends who have babies around your own age. Join facebook moms groups locally--it can feel like having support when you have specific questions.

On the bright side, this is easy to separate now than years down the road in an unhappy relationship/marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the posters trying to tell you to work it out. They obviously know nothing about your situation and as you have said, not everything is under your control or can be worked out, regardless of timing.

Is there any chance you could access some therapy services to help you through this time? My therapist has been an invaluable asset to me and if there is a way you could avail yourself or some help and support during this time, would highly recommend it.

I think all you need to know is that you will be OK. It's not going to seem like it every day, but you have to remind yourself that you will be. Don't worry about the future...let tomorrow take care of itself. You have absolutely no idea what will happen down the road, but know that there is the possibility for a lot of wonderful things! Try to take it one day at a time as much as you possibly can. Lean on any support you have from family and friends. Let them help you if they offer. And don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a dog. Move on. Build your own life with the baby.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I did. I was together with my ex for 11 years, married for 5. Split when our baby was 6 months. Luckily, I have my family and friends nearby so when the split happened, I moved in with family until I could buy my own place. Your support system is key here. It was very scary to make the decision at first, but I knew I had to do it.

If you’re fighting about baby adjustments, who takes care of what, etc. then try to work it out (our issues were much deeper, that reared its ugly head while I was pregnant and only got worse after our kid was born).

[Anonymous]

This is OP, thanks so much for the kind responses. I think I’m just anxious at doing something solo that I thought I was doing as part of a couple. I am totally in love with the baby but I have this anxiety that I don’t know what I am doing (first time mom). And the house is so very quiet now (except when the baby is crying). Therapy is a great idea. And yes, my friends are being very supportive, but no one has gone through this so it’s a little bit hard to talk about. This pandemic also makes everything worse as it’s so isolating. Mom’s groups are a good idea too - I will look into that too.

[Anonymous]

I'm in an online moms' group, and it's been super helpful to have a place to vent to and also get advice from. Multiple women in the group have had their relationships or marriages end during their first year of parenting. I was almost one of them myself.

If you're looking to connect with local moms, Peanut and Bumble BFF are great apps to try. Peanut allows you to filter women by their child's age, and Bumble BFF allows you to filter women based on whether they have kids and their relationship status. Once the pandemic is over, playdates can be great ways for keeping both you and your little one entertained at the same time.

Do you have full custody? Definitely consult with a legal expert if you don't have child support settled.

As for the future, anything can happen.

[Anonymous]

I do have full custody. I have never heard of Peanut! I had heard of Bumble BFF.... so people use them? It would be nice to make new mom friends. I don’t know anyone whose relationships have dissolved, I am afraid of feeling a bit like a cautionary tale or someone to feel sorry for among others Moms who seem to be living the dream family and picket fence....

[Anonymous]

Are you married?

[Anonymous]

Definitely connect with moms in local groups, esp on FB. OP where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you married?

Try reading the whole not very long thread before asking stupid questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Need more info. Do you live together? How long have you been together? If he lives separately, how far away? How long do you have more leave? How long does he have?

+1. What kind of wisdom are you looking for here? You aren’t expressing a need. Are you financially prepared to live alone? Transition to working with a baby during Covid? Do you have a nest and options with work location? Which area state are you in since custody and child support calculations would factor. Are you asking the right questions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you married?

Try reading the whole not very long thread before asking stupid questions.

So annoying when people do this.

[Anonymous]

OP if you're not married and you weren't together long then it sounds like you just had an accidental pregnancy with someone you were dating. You can both walk away - there is no commitment. You just need to determine custody and child support. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're not married and you weren't together long then it sounds like you just had an accidental pregnancy with someone you were dating. You can both walk away - there is no commitment. You just need to determine custody and child support. Best of luck.

not trying to derail the thread but people who are married can have accidental pregnancies (worse...kept me in a bad marriage for a decade as a result); you should not assume OP's pregnancy was accidental--it could have been planned, which can make this heartbreaking in a different way. but she is lucky not to have the entanglements of marriage in this situation (like I did)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a dog. Move on. Build your own life with the baby.

And yourself — work on loving you the best way you can. There are amazing moms out there with amazing journeys that raised amazing children. Try to pass only your best to your daughter/son. Also please consider therapeutic support. This is a lot postpartum, new baby, ending relationship, during a pandemic. My sincere hope for your strength and wisdom during this time. Seek wise not support, not just the support that lets you commiserate. This is going to be a season of courage, bravery, risk, some difficulty, but so much joy if you do it right. You can enjoy the journey even when there are brief periods of uphill climbs.

🌈💛💫