When one child refuses to play outside

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make mine go. My kids are always hesitant to try things and then end up liking it. I would make sure they have all the right gear on and bring an extra blanket and something to sit on so they can be warm if they decide not to sled. But sitting at home wouldn't be an option.
.m,

It is impossible for force. By the time coat is on, boots are getting kicked off. Hats to getting thrown off. You cannot force a 4 yr old into winter gear and make them keep it on. It is a loosing battle. And with temperatures at 10 degrees it isn’t the time for “natural consequences”

[Anonymous]

This is stupid. I would tell my 4 year old that we are going outside for 1 hour. After that we can come inside and watch a movie with hot chocolate.

Going outside is not optional.

He can stand next to you and do nothing or play. Either one is fine. If he doesn’t cooperate with putting on snow pants or if cries the whole time, he doesn’t get hot chocolate and movie when you go back inside. 4 is old enough to understand. I don’t get what you mean when you say he’s too big to force to go out. At this age you should not be relying on physical strength—you use your parent voice: “we are going outside today after lunch” and do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is stupid. I would tell my 4 year old that we are going outside for 1 hour. After that we can come inside and watch a movie with hot chocolate.

Going outside is not optional.

He can stand next to you and do nothing or play. Either one is fine. If he doesn’t cooperate with putting on snow pants or if cries the whole time, he doesn’t get hot chocolate and movie when you go back inside. 4 is old enough to understand. I don’t get what you mean when you say he’s too big to force to go out. At this age you should not be relying on physical strength—you use your parent voice: “we are going outside today after lunch” and do it.

+1 This is the compromise. What if he was in preschool and there was outdoor play? They would make him go outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Covid all around, snow all around, freezing cold.

One of the best things to do is go outside and play. I have three kids, 4, 9, 11. The older two are all about playing outside; sledding, snow forts, snowmen building. But my 4 yr old is refusing. It is super frustrating bc he is big enough that I cannot force him into a snowsuit, boots, mittens, hat, etc. if he is flat out not willing. It is too cold out to be outside not wearing appropriate gear. My older ones are fine to play outside without me, but I want to play with them too! And the big snow hill for sledding is a far walk away and they cant go there alone.

Yesterday I had to shovel the drive way and it was a disaster. Older two played in the yard happily. After a long struggle (and still no snow pants), 4 yr old stayed outside right next to the door the whole time crying- just waiting to go back in.

How can I fix this? I want to be able to do fun outdoor things with all three of my kids and I feel bad my older kids 1) don't get to play with me 2) are limited to pretty much yard play. Any ideas?

If I were you I would let my older two go by themselves. I would stay home four year old and not push four yearold to go out. Thatis the downsides of going for the third and a big age gap. Sometimes you have to miss out on the fun! Sorry!

Yeah I mean this is part of the deal, OP. The older two can go alone.

You guys are insane. Having a third child does not mean you stop parenting and give in to whatever they want!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make mine go. My kids are always hesitant to try things and then end up liking it. I would make sure they have all the right gear on and bring an extra blanket and something to sit on so they can be warm if they decide not to sled. But sitting at home wouldn't be an option.
.m,

It is impossible for force. By the time coat is on, boots are getting kicked off. Hats to getting thrown off. You cannot force a 4 yr old into winter gear and make them keep it on. It is a loosing battle. And with temperatures at 10 degrees it isn’t the time for “natural consequences”

I am not one to power struggle with my kids very often, but frankly, if my kid was at the point of physical violence, throwing things and kicking things, then this is a battle I can pick. The dynamic where one child uses violence to control his parents and siblings is a bad one.

We'd go in some small space, where there isn't anything fun, and I'd tell the kid that he needed to get dressed to go outside, and then we'd wait. I'd block to door if I needed to, and then I'd disengage, and read a book or be on my phone. If the kid got whiny and wanted to play, I'd remind them that after he got dressed and played outside we could play with inside toys. If he got hungry, I'd let him know that lunch was after outdoor play. If we spent a few hours with me sitting on the floor reading a book, it would end with him in clothing appropriate to going outside. The second he was dressed, we'd go outside for 10 minutes, and the come inside and have lunch, do something fun, etc . . . like nothing happened.

[Anonymous]

This is honestly not something worth fighting about. Some of these people saying to force your kid are lunatics. It’s snow, whether he goes out or not makes no difference to his safety or well being. This isn’t an argument over seat belts or something that truly impacts your kid. Some people just hate snow and cold (I’m one of them). It’s not a magical or fun experience for them, respect that everyone is different. Older kids want to go outside, they’re definitely old enough to go by themselves. Let the 4 year old stay in and drink some tea or hot cocoa and watch a movie. This is such a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is honestly not something worth fighting about. Some of these people saying to force your kid are lunatics. It’s snow, whether he goes out or not makes no difference to his safety or well being. This isn’t an argument over seat belts or something that truly impacts your kid. Some people just hate snow and cold (I’m one of them). It’s not a magical or fun experience for them, respect that everyone is different. Older kids want to go outside, they’re definitely old enough to go by themselves. Let the 4 year old stay in and drink some tea or hot cocoa and watch a movie. This is such a non-issue.

If the older two are not of the age to go sledding alone, then it is an issue because it's impacting people other than the 4 year old. It's a personal choice, you're right, and not the end of the world, but I wouldn't let my 4 year old dictate the agenda for the entire family to go sledding. Sometimes my 4 year old gets to decide and sometimes they do not. The big issue for me would be the 4 year old refusing to get dressed after I told them they didn't have a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make mine go. My kids are always hesitant to try things and then end up liking it. I would make sure they have all the right gear on and bring an extra blanket and something to sit on so they can be warm if they decide not to sled. But sitting at home wouldn't be an option.
.m,

It is impossible for force. By the time coat is on, boots are getting kicked off. Hats to getting thrown off. You cannot force a 4 yr old into winter gear and make them keep it on. It is a loosing battle. And with temperatures at 10 degrees it isn’t the time for “natural consequences”

I am not one to power struggle with my kids very often, but frankly, if my kid was at the point of physical violence, throwing things and kicking things, then this is a battle I can pick. The dynamic where one child uses violence to control his parents and siblings is a bad one.

We'd go in some small space, where there isn't anything fun, and I'd tell the kid that he needed to get dressed to go outside, and then we'd wait. I'd block to door if I needed to, and then I'd disengage, and read a book or be on my phone. If the kid got whiny and wanted to play, I'd remind them that after he got dressed and played outside we could play with inside toys. If he got hungry, I'd let him know that lunch was after outdoor play. If we spent a few hours with me sitting on the floor reading a book, it would end with him in clothing appropriate to going outside. The second he was dressed, we'd go outside for 10 minutes, and the come inside and have lunch, do something fun, etc . . . like nothing happened.

+1

[Anonymous]

Does he enjoy outside once he gets there? For us it's the struggle of shoes/jacket but once he's out, he stays there.
Screen time tickets in exchange for outdoor play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is honestly not something worth fighting about. Some of these people saying to force your kid are lunatics. It’s snow, whether he goes out or not makes no difference to his safety or well being. This isn’t an argument over seat belts or something that truly impacts your kid. Some people just hate snow and cold (I’m one of them). It’s not a magical or fun experience for them, respect that everyone is different. Older kids want to go outside, they’re definitely old enough to go by themselves. Let the 4 year old stay in and drink some tea or hot cocoa and watch a movie. This is such a non-issue.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with your 4-year-old. I hate playing in the snow. Always have. Either you’re freezing or sweating in all that gear. Not a good time for some people.

Do you have a spouse? My compromise is you get to play outside with the kids when the spouse is around to play with the younger one inside. Divide and conquer.

I do have a spouse, but he is an essential front line worker and never home during the day and often working on weekends too. I do have teenage babysitters near me, but is it worth it to call them over? I don't think so.

This is your solution - no need to force him to go if he truly does not enjoy playing in the snow. Have the babysitter come over for a couple of hours and everyone will be happy. Suggest you do this for the next snow. It only snows enough to sledge a couple of times so using the babysitter is a good compromise in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

A four year old should have a parent supervising. It’s cold, you will not go out, why should they.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A four year old should have a parent supervising. It’s cold, you will not go out, why should they.

I think you misunderstood, of course I would go out too.

[Anonymous]

Solidarity. My 4-year-old gets like this and it's really hard. There are a couple separate issues here - you needed to shovel, big kids wanted to play outside, little kid didn't want to play outside. Now that you know this is the dynamic, you can 1) have the big kids babysit inside while you shovel and then let them go off and play outside on their own when you're done while you stay with the 4yo or 2) try to sweeten the pot with the 4yo by offering hot chocolate and a movie afterward. I might do either one depending on the day and on my 4yo's mood. Sometimes it's worth getting over the hump to get the kids outside because they feel better after they get into it (and it's a nice break for me because they aren't climbing the walls in the house). Sometimes it's torture for all of us the whole time. You could also give the 4yo those options.

Hang in there. Can't wait for winter and this pandemic to be over!

[Anonymous]

I would probably do a mix of things:

1) 9 and 11 are almost certainly old enough to go sledding by themselves, and they have each other as a buddy. That’s an easy one.
2) Often, I would let the four year old stay home with me. People like different things, and that’s okay.
3) Sometimes, he would have to go. Like in your shoveling situation. He can sit there and cry if he wants, but shoveling has to happen, so sorry kid, life’s tough all over. I think you handled that fine.
4) I would also occasionally make him go out so that all four of you could play as a family. Whatever makes sense, maybe every third or fourth time? “Larlo, do you want to play outside? No? Okay.” Next time: “Larlo, do you want to play outside? No? Okay, but that’s twice in a row you’ve said no. That’s fine, but next time we’re all going as a family, and you’ll have to come.” Third time: “Okay, family snow fun! Everyone get dressed!” And he goes whether he likes it or not. I think there are some good suggestions above on how to enforce this.