Your SIL is not your business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agreed. She is my brother's problem, not mine.

This realization is incredibly freeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agreed. She is my brother's problem, not mine.

This realization is incredibly freeing.

The fact that you ever thought otherwise and had to have this “revelation” in the first place is really odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agreed. She is my brother's problem, not mine.

This realization is incredibly freeing.

If only.

Lucky me, but I have a SIL that also interferes with my relationship with MY parents. Nuts, I tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agreed. She is my brother's problem, not mine.

This realization is incredibly freeing.

The fact that you ever thought otherwise and had to have this “revelation” in the first place is really odd.

Maybe. It just means I stopped trying to have any kind of relationship with someone who aggressively dislikes me and felt the need to remind me of that fact with every interaction. For many years, I felt obligated to ignore her nastiness and insults in the name of “family harmony” as if it impacted anyone other than me. She is a person who just happens to be married to my brother. I finally realized that it didn’t make her any nicer to me and it definitely didn’t make her like me, so why bother.

[Anonymous]

A lot of wives here who do not care at all about DH's sister vehemently writing that they do not care. LOL!

[Anonymous]

My SIL makes herself my business, unfortunately. I would like nothing more than to never see or hear from her again!

[Anonymous]

This is all true. How many times have DCUM women butcher about what gifts their SIL did or did not send? Uh, that’s your brother’s job.

[Anonymous]

I mean, this could apply to any family relationship, not just SIL. I don’t understand why any family members are up in one another’s marriage, parenting, or finances. It’s one thing if you are worried about drug abuse or violence, but assuming everyone is healthy and safe, who cares? It always amazes me when people waste energy on this stuff. It just causes drama and strife and makes everyone (including you) less happy. Try reading romance or watching Real Housewives for drama, and then just let your family make their own choices and live their own lives.

While you are at, expand this circle of trusting adults to take care of themselves to friends, neighbors, and colleagues. You’ll be amazed at how much happier you get if you only trouble yourself with others’ actions when they directly affect you. Try it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, this could apply to any family relationship, not just SIL. I don’t understand why any family members are up in one another’s marriage, parenting, or finances. It’s one thing if you are worried about drug abuse or violence, but assuming everyone is healthy and safe, who cares? It always amazes me when people waste energy on this stuff. It just causes drama and strife and makes everyone (including you) less happy. Try reading romance or watching Real Housewives for drama, and then just let your family make their own choices and live their own lives.

While you are at, expand this circle of trusting adults to take care of themselves to friends, neighbors, and colleagues. You’ll be amazed at how much happier you get if you only trouble yourself with others’ actions when they directly affect you. Try it!

But then half the posts on DCUM would never be created and I'd have to find another timewasting activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of wives here who do not care at all about DH's sister vehemently writing that they do not care. LOL!

Simply stating something you disagree with isn’t “vehemently” anything. I don’t care what kind of relationship my husband has with his family. It’s fine that you don’t relate to that, but I don’t see how me sharing that in an on-topic way is “vehement.”

[Anonymous]

NP here. I agree your SIL is not your business but I have a BIL with a younger second wife who has been whisking him all over the country so she can follow her career aspirations. He likes living that way, I guess, though knowing him, I wouldn't put all of my money on it. They've moved twice for her jobs since he retired several years ago. Well, he's an awesome BIL and I always imagined we'd all be closer as we aged. My kids love him to death but SIL could care less about his family. He's pushing 65, is healthy but not in great health, had a heart scare and now she's taking him away again on one of her career jaunts to another state where he knows absolutely no one. She earns more than his pension brings in, so I think he won't leave her ever for fear of having to live hand to mouth.

I get it, his marriage, his business. I do get this sinking feeling though, one day, that he's going to land in a rehab home or nursing facility 1,000 miles away and we're not going to be able to help care for him. She seems to think she's the only significant person in his life. We don't have a lot of family, and neither do they (she has an adult child in another state she doesn't see much of).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I agree your SIL is not your business but I have a BIL with a younger second wife who has been whisking him all over the country so she can follow her career aspirations. He likes living that way, I guess, though knowing him, I wouldn't put all of my money on it. They've moved twice for her jobs since he retired several years ago. Well, he's an awesome BIL and I always imagined we'd all be closer as we aged. My kids love him to death but SIL could care less about his family. He's pushing 65, is healthy but not in great health, had a heart scare and now she's taking him away again on one of her career jaunts to another state where he knows absolutely no one. She earns more than his pension brings in, so I think he won't leave her ever for fear of having to live hand to mouth.

I get it, his marriage, his business. I do get this sinking feeling though, one day, that he's going to land in a rehab home or nursing facility 1,000 miles away and we're not going to be able to help care for him. She seems to think she's the only significant person in his life. We don't have a lot of family, and neither do they (she has an adult child in another state she doesn't see much of).

So he should stay put for your kids, but not his wife’s career that pays the bills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I agree your SIL is not your business but I have a BIL with a younger second wife who has been whisking him all over the country so she can follow her career aspirations. He likes living that way, I guess, though knowing him, I wouldn't put all of my money on it. They've moved twice for her jobs since he retired several years ago. Well, he's an awesome BIL and I always imagined we'd all be closer as we aged. My kids love him to death but SIL could care less about his family. He's pushing 65, is healthy but not in great health, had a heart scare and now she's taking him away again on one of her career jaunts to another state where he knows absolutely no one. She earns more than his pension brings in, so I think he won't leave her ever for fear of having to live hand to mouth.

I get it, his marriage, his business. I do get this sinking feeling though, one day, that he's going to land in a rehab home or nursing facility 1,000 miles away and we're not going to be able to help care for him. She seems to think she's the only significant person in his life. We don't have a lot of family, and neither do they (she has an adult child in another state she doesn't see much of).

None of yours.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a brother, but your guys are full of BS. You don't care if your DH has a relationship with his sister or parents? Yes, that is exactly right, but the point is that you are fine with him not having much contact with them. If he does have it, all hell breaks loose.
You become the SIL that you hate. You can deny it all you want, but it is the truth. When was the last time we had a thread that said, "DH and his sister have a great relationship! He gets together with her once a week! I am so happy for him."
So, yes, you all don't care if he doesn't have a relationship. God forbid he went to fix her car, on vacation with her, you are as green as a frog in that case!

[Anonymous]

^^ you guys