How to fire a nanny for personality misfit

[Anonymous]

If she didn't do anything egregious then give her lots of notice so she can find a new position, if she did good work offer her references (just because it wasn't a good fit for you, doesn't mean it won't be for others), and say to her that as DC grows into the next stage you are looking for someone with different experience/background.

I wouldn't want to be looking for a nanny right now personally, but if the fit is so bad that you need to let her go, the above is the way to do it.

[Anonymous]

Do you have your next nanny lined up/already interviewed? Not as difficult as April, but nannies are still in high demand.

I'd want to give her at least 4 weeks notice after 18 months of service, if it was just a personal preference and there was no cause. Ideally it would be maybe 1 week notice (to wrap things up with the kids appropriately, which of course you will be responsible for as the MAIN CAREGIVER). Then 3 weeks severance and you already have the new nanny lined up to start, so she can use that time to interview. If you give her too long of notice, but expect her to work until the end, be prepared she may leave sooner unless you offer a retention bonus of some sort to finish it out.

[Anonymous]

If it's truly a personality mismatch on your part, I would be honest with her and be generous.

Give 4-6 weeks notice with 2 weeks' severance and actively help her find a new job.

Do you have a friend who needs a nanny who would be a good match? Can you post to your neighborhood listserv or other community listserv? Offer her a great written recommendation as well. Just be honest, fair and kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a small thing for a child’s main caregiver to disappear. How much longer until your child is in school? I’d stick it out if you can.

Thanks for the unsolicited advice (I asked how to fire, not whether to fire), but also, I am my child's main caregiver, thank you very much. I am his mother. She is his nanny.

Wow. In denial much?

Keep in mind that families with whacked out parents are the ones that need really good nannies the most. If the kid likes the nanny more than you that doesn't mean fire her, it means she's a keeper and you should try learning something from her.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a nanny contract? If so, did you lay anything out regarding notice for terminating employment? I'd start there.

But, more broadly, I'd say be as honest as possible. "Now that Larla is getting older, we're looking for something different in a nanny," or just, "It's not working anymore." Don't sugar coat or lie. Do, to the extent possible, help her move on (e.g. write a good reference, ask her how much time she thinks she needs to find another role, etc.).

This kind of thing happens way more than you think. We lucked out that nanny #2 has stayed with us for almost 7 years, but the first nanny I hired was a really bad fit. I didn't know better, so I was going to try to make it work. Luckily, she did know better, and she said went and found another role that was a better fit for her. I wish she had given me more notice, but in the end it was better for both of us, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a small thing for a child’s main caregiver to disappear. How much longer until your child is in school? I’d stick it out if you can.

Thanks for the unsolicited advice (I asked how to fire, not whether to fire), but also, I am my child's main caregiver, thank you very much. I am his mother. She is his nanny.

Oh, so the problem is you, not the nanny. Good luck finding someone else with this attitude. Yikes.

+1 Unnecessary overreaction. The PP was making a valid point that continuity of care is really important for young kids. It takes time for kids and a new caregiver to establish a healthy relationship from scratch, and the benefits of pushing through with this nanny might outweigh the benefits of starting over. You haven't provided enough information about the personality mismatch for people to inform tailored responses about how best to let the nanny go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a small thing for a child’s main caregiver to disappear. How much longer until your child is in school? I’d stick it out if you can.

Thanks for the unsolicited advice (I asked how to fire, not whether to fire), but also, I am my child's main caregiver, thank you very much. I am his mother. She is his nanny.

Who is with the child (right now) for more awake hours? You’re the long term main caregiver. That doesn’t negate the huge impact a nanny has in a child’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a small thing for a child’s main caregiver to disappear. How much longer until your child is in school? I’d stick it out if you can.

Thanks for the unsolicited advice (I asked how to fire, not whether to fire), but also, I am my child's main caregiver, thank you very much. I am his mother. She is his nanny.

Oh, so the problem is you, not the nanny. Good luck finding someone else with this attitude. Yikes.

ha, they are definitely the problem. couldn't imagine what the caregiver has to deal with and wouldn't be surprised if child likes caregiver more. hence the need to be replaced for "personality".

personality seemed to work just fine for almost two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a small thing for a child’s main caregiver to disappear. How much longer until your child is in school? I’d stick it out if you can.

Thanks for the unsolicited advice (I asked how to fire, not whether to fire), but also, I am my child's main caregiver, thank you very much. I am his mother. She is his nanny.

Oh, so the problem is you, not the nanny. Good luck finding someone else with this attitude. Yikes.

ha, they are definitely the problem. couldn't imagine what the caregiver has to deal with and wouldn't be surprised if child likes caregiver more. hence the need to be replaced for "personality".

personality seemed to work just fine for almost two years.

Yeah, thanks for the 'advice'. Please look at the title of the post. Only address the issue at hand. Enough with the editorializing.

[Anonymous]

We moved away from our nanny of 2 years and it broke my sons heart. He still talks about her 2 years later.

The nanny did so many things that annoyed the crap out of me, including dishonesty around hours worked and even I suspected she was stealing from me at one point.

But my son adored her so I felt stuck. He still sees her. She is almost like a 2nd mom to him he was very bonded to her.

I’ll put up with most anything in a nanny except for any kind of mistreatment towards my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved away from our nanny of 2 years and it broke my sons heart. He still talks about her 2 years later.

The nanny did so many things that annoyed the crap out of me, including dishonesty around hours worked and even I suspected she was stealing from me at one point.

But my son adored her so I felt stuck. He still sees her. She is almost like a 2nd mom to him he was very bonded to her.

I’ll put up with most anything in a nanny except for any kind of mistreatment towards my kids.

+1. DD’s first nanny (birth to 3) left and was never heard from again. Three years later DD still talks about her.

[Anonymous]

OP is such a peach, isn't she?

[Anonymous]

My kids are grown adults and they still talk about their nanny like she was the best thing ever. She was just a young college kid who drove them places and slept on the couch till they woke up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a small thing for a child’s main caregiver to disappear. How much longer until your child is in school? I’d stick it out if you can.

Thanks for the unsolicited advice (I asked how to fire, not whether to fire), but also, I am my child's main caregiver, thank you very much. I am his mother. She is his nanny.

Who is with the child (right now) for more awake hours? You’re the long term main caregiver. That doesn’t negate the huge impact a nanny has in a child’s life.

Teachers in daycare change all the time, there is no rule against that based on negative impact of changing caretakers. So there is that.

OP, just tell her your needs changed and go by whatever your agreement/contract was in terms of giving notice. Why is it so difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are grown adults and they still talk about their nanny like she was the best thing ever. She was just a young college kid who drove them places and slept on the couch till they woke up.

Serious question. What age were the kids when she stopped being their nanny?