Is there a stigma around au pairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No stigma. But please don’t be one too these assholes registering their au pair as a childcare worker to jump the vaccine line.

Oh, you *know* they will.

If I knew someone who did this, I would report them and also let media know. This should be a criminal offense.

[Anonymous]

My friend has an au pair from her native country so that her kids can continue to practice their second language even in her absence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve had the same nanny for the past 6 years. Now that both kids are in school full time, we really don’t need full time help. I’m considering an au pair since it would be cheaper and give us more flexibility. Another mom kindof implied I was being cheap. Is there a stigma around au pairs?

I cannot get past both kids being in school full time during a pandemic!

Not OP, but our kids have been in school full-time since the school year started in August. We're in private.

[Anonymous]

I'm a government contractor and almost all the government employees I work with have a revolving door of au pairs because it's their cheapest option.

I'm cheap too (we use before/after care) but I don't want to take advantage of young women who are here for "cultural exchange", so no au pairs for me.

[Anonymous]

Lady, it would be idiotic to keep a full time nanny you don’t need unless she is cool becoming a utility player IE doing grocery shopping, light housekeeping, etc. ignore the haters. Get an au pair and treat her well. No one wants to take a split shift if they are an adult living on their own because that’s not a reasonable number of hours / wages and they would need to find another job. But an au pair already has basic living expenses paid for so her stipend is discretionary spending. Don’t nickel and dime- take her on all the trips you would take your family on and for gods sake don’t charge her for the plane ticket. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve had the same nanny for the past 6 years. Now that both kids are in school full time, we really don’t need full time help. I’m considering an au pair since it would be cheaper and give us more flexibility. Another mom kindof implied I was being cheap. Is there a stigma around au pairs?

Yes, that is the stigma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care what she thinks? Not having one because some random bitch thinks it’s cheap is the dumbest thing ever.

My only reservation with au pairs is ask yourself if you want a young adult living with you.

Yes, this! The downside is that you are their host mom/dad, they may feel homesick, they may wreck your car, they may have relationship drama, or a health scare - and you have to deal with all of that. It’s not just a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a government contractor and almost all the government employees I work with have a revolving door of au pairs because it's their cheapest option.

I'm cheap too (we use before/after care) but I don't want to take advantage of young women who are here for "cultural exchange", so no au pairs for me.

Instead, you’d rather take advantage of someone who lives here all the time and doesn’t have someone paying for their room and board, so they really have even less per week than an AP. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care what she thinks? Not having one because some random bitch thinks it’s cheap is the dumbest thing ever.

My only reservation with au pairs is ask yourself if you want a young adult living with you.

Yes, this! The downside is that you are their host mom/dad, they may feel homesick, they may wreck your car, they may have relationship drama, or a health scare - and you have to deal with all of that. It’s not just a job.

This. APs are a pretty good option for older kids. It’s not that hard a job to drive them to sports and give them a snack after school so you’ll probably be competitive for someone good and it’s hard to kill them. You can’t shake a seven year old and if you do your seven year old will tell you what’s up. But they come with baggage. My AP asked me on night 3 how to get birth control and I had to deal with researching and then paying for that. But it’s flexible childcare for a two working parent household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care what she thinks? Not having one because some random bitch thinks it’s cheap is the dumbest thing ever.

My only reservation with au pairs is ask yourself if you want a young adult living with you.

Yes, this! The downside is that you are their host mom/dad, they may feel homesick, they may wreck your car, they may have relationship drama, or a health scare - and you have to deal with all of that. It’s not just a job.

An au pair is a teenage babysitter who lives with you and comes with the potential problems above.

A nanny you've had for six years is presumably a professional that has done good work.

Yes, you could get a great au pair or a crappy nanny. But yes, bigger picture, an au pair is like getting a Honda (your kids will be alive at the end of the day) while keeping a professional, experienced nanny is like having a nicer model Tesla (you have the best because you paid for the privilege).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care what she thinks? Not having one because some random bitch thinks it’s cheap is the dumbest thing ever.

My only reservation with au pairs is ask yourself if you want a young adult living with you.

Yes, this! The downside is that you are their host mom/dad, they may feel homesick, they may wreck your car, they may have relationship drama, or a health scare - and you have to deal with all of that. It’s not just a job.

An au pair is a teenage babysitter who lives with you and comes with the potential problems above.

A nanny you've had for six years is presumably a professional that has done good work.

Yes, you could get a great au pair or a crappy nanny. But yes, bigger picture, an au pair is like getting a Honda (your kids will be alive at the end of the day) while keeping a professional, experienced nanny is like having a nicer model Tesla (you have the best because you paid for the privilege).

Yup- so if your kids are in school full time and you’re just looking for an older sibling type to shuttle them around or for before care / after care, it makes a ton of sense. It’s odd to pay a nanny full time to work..10 hours a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No stigma. But please don’t be one too these assholes registering their au pair as a childcare worker to jump the vaccine line.

Oh, you *know* they will.

If I knew someone who did this, I would report them and also let media know. This should be a criminal offense.

Huh? Why would this be a reportable offense? Childcare providers are being vaccinated in many jurisdictions. Kids can't get the vaccine so getting more childcare workers vaccinated helps protect kids

[Anonymous]

OP, there're a lot of misconceptions about au pair programs out there. I've had several and so far the experience has been worthwhile for both parties. Our current one came to us after being with a terrible family. It happens. I also hear plenty good stories from my aps' friends, most of whom have good experience with their host families. It makes a difference what agency you use and the quality of the local director.

A pp nailed it on the head that it really comes down to how comfortable you are having a young person living in your home. My friends and I have had multiple aps from completely different countries and, while they all do a decent job caring for the kids, they've all been terrible at keeping their living space clean. That's the biggest annoyance for us. That and the loss of privacy sometimes.

On the plus side, they're generally energetic and play with the kids like big sisters, and the kids love them. They talk about their dreams and aspirations and how working as an ap for a year helps facilitate that, and it's great to be part of that.

If this is something that would work for your family, I'd consider it and not worry about what others might think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care what she thinks? Not having one because some random bitch thinks it’s cheap is the dumbest thing ever.

My only reservation with au pairs is ask yourself if you want a young adult living with you.

Yes, this! The downside is that you are their host mom/dad, they may feel homesick, they may wreck your car, they may have relationship drama, or a health scare - and you have to deal with all of that. It’s not just a job.

An au pair is a teenage babysitter who lives with you and comes with the potential problems above.

A nanny you've had for six years is presumably a professional that has done good work.

Yes, you could get a great au pair or a crappy nanny. But yes, bigger picture, an au pair is like getting a Honda (your kids will be alive at the end of the day) while keeping a professional, experienced nanny is like having a nicer model Tesla (you have the best because you paid for the privilege).

I agree with this.
Our first au pair was actually older than I was at the time I hired her (I was 24, she was 25), but she still referred to me as her "mom." I tried the au pair program again 7 years later, and had a pretty similar experience. Another host mom told me that no matter how many years they have been on the planet, you should think of all au pairs as teenagers.