Is there a stigma around au pairs?

[Anonymous]

We’ve had the same nanny for the past 6 years. Now that both kids are in school full time, we really don’t need full time help. I’m considering an au pair since it would be cheaper and give us more flexibility. Another mom kindof implied I was being cheap. Is there a stigma around au pairs?

[Anonymous]

Why do you care what she thinks? Not having one because some random bitch thinks it’s cheap is the dumbest thing ever.

My only reservation with au pairs is ask yourself if you want a young adult living with you.

[Anonymous]

It’s not going to be cheaper. Sub pairs have been taken advantage of for a long time, and now the days of $2 per hour child care are over. They are going to be covers by minimum wage plus everything else you have to pay for. So, you might as well get a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve had the same nanny for the past 6 years. Now that both kids are in school full time, we really don’t need full time help. I’m considering an au pair since it would be cheaper and give us more flexibility. Another mom kindof implied I was being cheap. Is there a stigma around au pairs?

I cannot get past both kids being in school full time during a pandemic!

[Anonymous]

Are you rich? Who would care about this? Are you really thinking about keeping on a full time nanny for two school aged kids just because you think some other parent will judge you for spending less money on childcare? You are inventing a problem.

[Anonymous]

No stigma. But please don’t be one too these assholes registering their au pair as a childcare worker to jump the vaccine line.

[Anonymous]

Is this really how you make decisions about who will care for your children? What other people think (including DCUM)?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think people who have au pairs are necessarily cheap. I do think that they using their privilege to exploit young women from other countries under the facade of a ‘cultural exchange.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think people who have au pairs are necessarily cheap. I do think that they using their privilege to exploit young women from other countries under the facade of a ‘cultural exchange.’

If you do it through a reputable agency and treat the au pairs well (and pay them correctly), it's not exploitative. I have friends who had an au pair through a program where the au pairs also went to an accredited language school to work towards a certificate to teach English in their home countries (and were guaranteed the time to study and attend class as well as leisure time). Their au pair was wonderful and their house set up was perfect for it -- she lived in an MIL suite with privacy and her own kitchen and bathroom.

For them, it didn't cost any less than a nanny (it might even have cost more when you factor in living expenses). But the main advantage was that she lived with them, and at the time one of them had to travel a lot for work. They had no family nearby, so it was invaluable to have someone in their home. I think it would be hard to find that arrangement without an au pair program -- there just aren't that many US-based nannies looking to live with their employers. You would probably wind up with someone college age anyway, in which case, why not sponsor someone from another country who is actually looking for cultural exchange? When done correctly, it really can be a win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve had the same nanny for the past 6 years. Now that both kids are in school full time, we really don’t need full time help. I’m considering an au pair since it would be cheaper and give us more flexibility. Another mom kindof implied I was being cheap. Is there a stigma around au pairs?

It is being cheap but, more importantly, you are no better than slave holders as an au pair is Indentured servitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think people who have au pairs are necessarily cheap. I do think that they using their privilege to exploit young women from other countries under the facade of a ‘cultural exchange.’

If you do it through a reputable agency and treat the au pairs well (and pay them correctly), it's not exploitative.

OP it's first and foremost a cultural exchange program with a young adult, and the scope of work with your children would be fewer hours per week, and different. The true financial costs go well beyond the program costs.

[Anonymous]

Both DH and I are in biglaw. Not only have we always had au pairs, so do a ton of partners at both of our firms, including the “named” partners. Au pairs are great for older kids who need driving.

Disagree with PP who says APs will no longer be cheaper. We have always paid more than minimum wage and it’s still much cheaper than a nanny given our split schedule.

[Anonymous]

They're great for older kids especially if the au pair has classes in the AM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No stigma. But please don’t be one too these assholes registering their au pair as a childcare worker to jump the vaccine line.

Oh, you *know* they will.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's been the same nanny for 6 years, it may be that the other Mothers are comfortable with her. That takes time.

I hated it when my child would have a play date, arranged by another Mom and she wouldn't mention that when I dropped off my child she wouldn't be there ... but a nanny/au pair/someone I'd never met would instead.