What do you teach your DS / DD about gay people?

[Anonymous]

The best way to expose kids to anything is to expose kids. We have friends that are gay, so it's no big deal.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the one thing I have trouble with is telling kids that so and so has two mommies or two daddies. I am a realist. I teach my kids the truth about reproduction. What I have told them makes two parents of one sex impossible. I am like this wrt step parents too. We each have one mother and one father.
I might tell them that Johnnie calls them both mom, but he has one mother.

You are confusing reproduction with parenting. The first is a biological process while the second is a social process. Not all who can reproduce can successfully parent and not all parents can reproduce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the one thing I have trouble with is telling kids that so and so has two mommies or two daddies. I am a realist. I teach my kids the truth about reproduction. What I have told them makes two parents of one sex impossible. I am like this wrt step parents too. We each have one mother and one father.
I might tell them that Johnnie calls them both mom, but he has one mother.

That's not even your business. And pretty obnoxious. You have no idea what the dynamics are in those situations. My older son's father is not his biological father, but if you decided to inform him of the fact that he's not his "real" father and that he can, in fact, only have one father, you'd get quite a surprising reaction from him. Teach your kids whatever you want about biological reproduction, but stay out of other families' business.

BTW, Johnnie has 2 mothers. He only has one biological mother who gave birth to him. Get your facts straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question seems a little awkward, as if gays were zoo animals, or hot stoves, or crossing the street.

My father is gay, so that's the kids' grandfather. There's nothing to be taught. If the kids have questions about what it means to be gay, they will be answered as they are asked. I know in my own case, when I was little, my first questions were something like: "Do "Flo" and "Bev" love each other like a mommy and a daddy?" And the answer I got was simply, yes. There's no need for "teaching."

I disagree with this, unless you meant this as it specifically relates to your situation. Not everyone has gay friends or relatives, so it does have to be taught.

[Anonymous]

To second the PP's point, you may have read the new evidence on how not discussing race at all with children is a mistake. Modeling non-racist behavior and thoughts is not enough; you need to discuss it because kids see differences and want to know what the deal is. The evidence I read about suggested that kids had more accurate and healthy attitudes about race if you DO discuss it.

Sexual preference might be similar. On the the one hand, it is good that your kid sees you don't bat an eye when two dads or two moms are around but if you are otherwise totally silent, they might be hearing a negative view from other kids at school and getting no concrete counter-action from you.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the one thing I have trouble with is telling kids that so and so has two mommies or two daddies. I am a realist. I teach my kids the truth about reproduction. What I have told them makes two parents of one sex impossible. I am like this wrt step parents too. We each have one mother and one father.
I might tell them that Johnnie calls them both mom, but he has one mother.

You are confusing reproduction with parenting. The first is a biological process while the second is a social process. Not all who can reproduce can successfully parent and not all parents can reproduce.

Yes, but when children say that two women can have a baby, I think the adult needs to explain to them that this is not the case.

[Anonymous]

I just tell my kids "This is how it is, some people think it is wrong but we think there is nothing wrong with it. Don't ever make fun of people for being gay or make fun of kids for having gay parents, and if you ever hear anyone doing so, you need to speak out against it." We have gay neighbors with kids and had gay families in school/daycare and my kids think it is no big deal. And it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the one thing I have trouble with is telling kids that so and so has two mommies or two daddies. I am a realist. I teach my kids the truth about reproduction. What I have told them makes two parents of one sex impossible. I am like this wrt step parents too. We each have one mother and one father.
I might tell them that Johnnie calls them both mom, but he has one mother.

You are confusing reproduction with parenting. The first is a biological process while the second is a social process. Not all who can reproduce can successfully parent and not all parents can reproduce.

Yes, but when children say that two women can have a baby, I think the adult needs to explain to them that this is not the case.

Two women can raise a baby.

[zumbamama]

We've openly talked about homosexuality at our dinner table and encourage our DCs to be open minded and not make ignorant assumptions about people based on their sexual preferences. My DD has gay friends at school and talks about same sex couples at school, and that is no big deal to me. If any of my DCs turned out to be gay, I wouldn't want them to be ashamed of themselves. I would want them to feel completely normal, accepted and loved. So I expect them to treat the many gay people in our social circles no different than they would treat the heteros.

[Anonymous]

Families can be based on either biology or the law (adoption, regardless of the gender of the parent). People also use the language of family to describe relationships ("she was like a mother to me") or a stepparent who does not do a second parent adoption. To only acknowledge biology is incomplete information. Some people use words like biomom to distinguish.

To say that a child cannot have 2 mothers or 2 fathers, when if fact in this area especially it is legally quite possible is factually wrong PP. Unless you want to grill new acquaintances as to the legal and biological structure (any legal proceedings, any donor eggs, donor sperm?) of their family, I wouldn't start parsing titles to your kids PP. I also find it odd that you are so emotionally invested in disparaging the family stuctures of other kids and hiding it behind "realism". I am an adoption parent and I could "REALLY" show you a court order making me my kid's mom.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but when children say that two women can have a baby, I think the adult needs to explain to them that this is not the case.

Well, with donor sperm they can.

I'm not sure people are aware, but in DC if registered domestic partners who are lesbians have a baby, both names go on the birth certificate at birth, I believe as Parent 1 and Parent 2. In MD, with second parent adoption, both women or men are listed on the birth certificate as the child's parents.

It's not like you are playing a semantic game of throwing them a sop by verbally acknowledging them both (or NOT) as parents when in fact they are both legal parents regardless of what the child calls them. Not just in the child's mind or words but in legally, in reality. Just like adoptive parents, there are other bio parents involved, who the child may or may not ever know, but legally their family is just as legitimate as yours.

I am curious as to how legaization of gay marriage in DC and recognition in MD is going to change attitudes, not so much to hide prejudice behind.
I found the post to Carolyn Hax's chat sad.

[Anonymous]

I think that people get caught up in thinking that they need to explain reproduction to kids when you can also just talk about different ways to make a family.

I think that according to statistics, it is actually a minority of kids who live in an intact family with both bio parents.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but when children say that two women can have a baby, I think the adult needs to explain to them that this is not the case.

At what age do you need to do this? Either the kid is too young for the procreation talk yet, in which case you don't need to explain it to them, or the kid already knows and thus still doesn't need you telling them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't have to teach our kids anything about gay people, as they are surrounded by some of our friends. My son, in fact, has two godfathers.

Homosexuality isn't anything that stands out to them.

But they are still young. And I only hope that as they age and encounter kids who are questioning their sexuality, they will be kind and not give in to any sort of peer pressure.

Same here (except for the godfathers thing). Our church is also incredibly welcoming, so there are examples of gay couples with children everywhere. We don't treat it as unusual or something that stands out. If DC asks about it, then we'll discuss then.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

You are confusing reproduction with parenting. The first is a biological process while the second is a social process. Not all who can reproduce can successfully parent and not all parents can reproduce.

Go Jeff! I totally agree with this.