DH is frugal bordering on cheap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're all of a sudden trying to make this a bigger thing than it is - that your husband is "cheap" and this is a pervasive problem.

It sounds like the reality is, you disagree on this one, very expensive, decision. I would focus your attention on the merits of that rather than trying to dismiss your husband as cheap.

He has good points, you have good points. When is the deadline to decide on private school? Seems like the biggest X factor on this is whether public school will be 5 days a week next year, and we might have a lot more info on that before you need to make this decision. "Wait and see" might be the best bet.

This. He's willing to pay for a tutor, but committing to spend $45K - $90K on private school is a much bigger decision. If the public schools are good, then not wanting to spend that much money is not "cheap." It's also not unreasonable to gamble on schools opening, especially if things are going okay with the tutor. He's not expecting you to do it all yourself -- you say he has taken over supervising the MS kid's DL, and he's willing to hire the tutor. You guys just disagree on this; don't make it about him being cheap or not.

[Anonymous]

OP - remember you are paying for private school in after-tax dollars. I regret now doing so for two kids. We have a great public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private schools by and large or a complete waste of money if the public school system is halfway decent or more and the parents stay involved. It all starts in the home.

Normally I would agree and that’s why we never pursued private in the first place. However, with school now only being open 2 days a week, I feel that anything that is 5 days must be better.

I don’t feel confident that public will be open fully next year. Kids 12 and under won’t be vaccinated. We know this for sure. So that’s a big problem for elementary school. I don’t even know how they will be able to open the middle school completely since it includes sixth grade and kids under 12. Won’t they continue to say hybrid is needed for social distancing?

So you're one of those rabidly pro-in-person people, OP?

You're actually willing to severely disrupt your financial ecosystem in the mistaken belief that in-person for an extra half-year, or whatever it will be, is worth it, even though instruction from a dubious private might be subpar compared to the public school?

I don't know what to tell you. You've got the ideal situation here with tutoring. No private school will give you what you have right now.

I don’t know where you are getting that I am rabid about anything g.

Yes I worry about the effect on my kids of only school days a week for 2 years. Who wouldn’t?! Esp if you know for a fact you can afford something better.

I genuinely don’t understand why he doesn’t worry about this.

[Anonymous]

Is private school something you would want to continue long term? If so, it might be worth looking into it. Are the tutors helping the kids with existing work or extra work? If it's just existing work, then they are at the same level as their peers in public school, and would probably be happiest continuing there. Mostly likely school will be in-session full time next Fall. The parents in my community are getting fed up with teachers and their excuses for not returning, so I feel like there is no way the schools will be able to get away with remote education next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider a cheaper private school - Catholic or parochial.

Please, no. Catholic schools are not some cheaper alternative for those who do not want to spend on tuition. They are and do provide a solid Catholic education. Catholic values and teachings are incorporated into every facet of the school day and in every subject. If you really want that for your kids then, yes, please consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider a cheaper private school - Catholic or parochial.

Please, no. Catholic schools are not some cheaper alternative for those who do not want to spend on tuition. They are and do provide a solid Catholic education. Catholic values and teachings are incorporated into every facet of the school day and in every subject. If you really want that for your kids then, yes, please consider.

they are also all full now so it's a moot point

[Anonymous]

The timing of this complain doesn't make much sense. So you've been doing the 2 days in person, plus the tutor, for half the school year. Is it absolutely untenable? Are your kids miserable? If not, why not just stick it out for the remainder of the school year.

It's not even a money thing (or at least not exclusively). How would your kids feel about leaving their current schools and friends so that they can move to a new school, midyear, where they might not know anyone, might be behind or ahead of the curriculum, aren't involved in any extra-curricular, etc.? Unless your kids are having other issues that you aren't mentioning here, most elementary and middle school kids would rather get 2 days a week of school with their current friends than go to a brand new school 5 days a week.

I might feel differently if you had no in-person school at all. But you have 2 days, and the tutor seems like a good way to address the other days.

My husband is frugal bordering on cheap. What this means is that sometimes I have to argue him into doing take-out twice in the same week. Not wanting to spend tens of thousands of dollars for a half year of education that your kids might not even get any additional benefit from (and may actually really hate) isn't frugal or cheap. It's just reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider a cheaper private school - Catholic or parochial.

Please, no. Catholic schools are not some cheaper alternative for those who do not want to spend on tuition. They are and do provide a solid Catholic education. Catholic values and teachings are incorporated into every facet of the school day and in every subject. If you really want that for your kids then, yes, please consider.

Do you have kids in Catholic schools? Doesn’t sound like it. And assuming that you don’t, what puts you in a knowledgeable position to generalize so broadly about Catholic school education in the 21st century?

[Anonymous]

I think to beef might be less about school and more about where tour husbands values lie. You think the top priority should be the kids, he thinks the top priority should be financial security.

Maybe you can think of ways where he has demonstrated that he does place a high value on his children’s well-being so that you can come at this from a more understanding perspective .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The timing of this complain doesn't make much sense. So you've been doing the 2 days in person, plus the tutor, for half the school year. Is it absolutely untenable? Are your kids miserable? If not, why not just stick it out for the remainder of the school year.

It's not even a money thing (or at least not exclusively). How would your kids feel about leaving their current schools and friends so that they can move to a new school, midyear, where they might not know anyone, might be behind or ahead of the curriculum, aren't involved in any extra-curricular, etc.? Unless your kids are having other issues that you aren't mentioning here, most elementary and middle school kids would rather get 2 days a week of school with their current friends than go to a brand new school 5 days a week.

I might feel differently if you had no in-person school at all. But you have 2 days, and the tutor seems like a good way to address the other days.

My husband is frugal bordering on cheap. What this means is that sometimes I have to argue him into doing take-out twice in the same week. Not wanting to spend tens of thousands of dollars for a half year of education that your kids might not even get any additional benefit from (and may actually really hate) isn't frugal or cheap. It's just reasonable.

Op here. I wouldn’t pull them this year, I’m talking about for next year.

I’ve been reading all the reports about schools not planning to open for 5 day instruction next year with great dismay.

Sounds like many are planning on offering hybrid at most.

While better than nothing, hybrid is clearly far from ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private schools by and large or a complete waste of money if the public school system is halfway decent or more and the parents stay involved. It all starts in the home.

Normally I would agree and that’s why we never pursued private in the first place. However, with school now only being open 2 days a week, I feel that anything that is 5 days must be better.

I don’t feel confident that public will be open fully next year. Kids 12 and under won’t be vaccinated. We know this for sure. So that’s a big problem for elementary school. I don’t even know how they will be able to open the middle school completely since it includes sixth grade and kids under 12. Won’t they continue to say hybrid is needed for social distancing?

Yes.

People who think 5 day F2F is guaranteed for fall 2021 are deluding themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The timing of this complain doesn't make much sense. So you've been doing the 2 days in person, plus the tutor, for half the school year. Is it absolutely untenable? Are your kids miserable? If not, why not just stick it out for the remainder of the school year.

It's not even a money thing (or at least not exclusively). How would your kids feel about leaving their current schools and friends so that they can move to a new school, midyear, where they might not know anyone, might be behind or ahead of the curriculum, aren't involved in any extra-curricular, etc.? Unless your kids are having other issues that you aren't mentioning here, most elementary and middle school kids would rather get 2 days a week of school with their current friends than go to a brand new school 5 days a week.

I might feel differently if you had no in-person school at all. But you have 2 days, and the tutor seems like a good way to address the other days.

My husband is frugal bordering on cheap. What this means is that sometimes I have to argue him into doing take-out twice in the same week. Not wanting to spend tens of thousands of dollars for a half year of education that your kids might not even get any additional benefit from (and may actually really hate) isn't frugal or cheap. It's just reasonable.

Op here. I wouldn’t pull them this year, I’m talking about for next year.

I’ve been reading all the reports about schools not planning to open for 5 day instruction next year with great dismay.

Sounds like many are planning on offering hybrid at most.

While better than nothing, hybrid is clearly far from ideal.

are there any schools that match what you're looking for that actually have openings? Why pick the fight when you can't even get what you want if he agrees?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The timing of this complain doesn't make much sense. So you've been doing the 2 days in person, plus the tutor, for half the school year. Is it absolutely untenable? Are your kids miserable? If not, why not just stick it out for the remainder of the school year.

It's not even a money thing (or at least not exclusively). How would your kids feel about leaving their current schools and friends so that they can move to a new school, midyear, where they might not know anyone, might be behind or ahead of the curriculum, aren't involved in any extra-curricular, etc.? Unless your kids are having other issues that you aren't mentioning here, most elementary and middle school kids would rather get 2 days a week of school with their current friends than go to a brand new school 5 days a week.

I might feel differently if you had no in-person school at all. But you have 2 days, and the tutor seems like a good way to address the other days.

My husband is frugal bordering on cheap. What this means is that sometimes I have to argue him into doing take-out twice in the same week. Not wanting to spend tens of thousands of dollars for a half year of education that your kids might not even get any additional benefit from (and may actually really hate) isn't frugal or cheap. It's just reasonable.

Op here. I wouldn’t pull them this year, I’m talking about for next year.

I’ve been reading all the reports about schools not planning to open for 5 day instruction next year with great dismay.

Sounds like many are planning on offering hybrid at most.

While better than nothing, hybrid is clearly far from ideal.

are there any schools that match what you're looking for that actually have openings? Why pick the fight when you can't even get what you want if he agrees?

Yes. It’s not as competitive to get in in our area as in big cities like DC. You have to be able to write the check, that’s it.

[Anonymous]

How is it going with the tutor? What makes you think school is better than 2-4 hours of one on one time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The timing of this complain doesn't make much sense. So you've been doing the 2 days in person, plus the tutor, for half the school year. Is it absolutely untenable? Are your kids miserable? If not, why not just stick it out for the remainder of the school year.

It's not even a money thing (or at least not exclusively). How would your kids feel about leaving their current schools and friends so that they can move to a new school, midyear, where they might not know anyone, might be behind or ahead of the curriculum, aren't involved in any extra-curricular, etc.? Unless your kids are having other issues that you aren't mentioning here, most elementary and middle school kids would rather get 2 days a week of school with their current friends than go to a brand new school 5 days a week.

I might feel differently if you had no in-person school at all. But you have 2 days, and the tutor seems like a good way to address the other days.

My husband is frugal bordering on cheap. What this means is that sometimes I have to argue him into doing take-out twice in the same week. Not wanting to spend tens of thousands of dollars for a half year of education that your kids might not even get any additional benefit from (and may actually really hate) isn't frugal or cheap. It's just reasonable.

Op here. I wouldn’t pull them this year, I’m talking about for next year.

I’ve been reading all the reports about schools not planning to open for 5 day instruction next year with great dismay.

Sounds like many are planning on offering hybrid at most.

While better than nothing, hybrid is clearly far from ideal.

But what do your kids think? How would they feel about switching schools for a year? I know DL and hybrid are disruptive, but so is changing schools for a year. Again, if your kids are having issues with the current set up, I might be on your side here. I wouldn't hesitate to send my kid to private 5-day school if there was a problem with hybrid that was causing noticeable academic or social or mental health problems. You have take care of your kids. But from what you've said, your kids are doing fine. So my inclination would be to stick it out, even if it means another full year of hybrid because I would not want to disrupt my kids yet again.

What if you switch, spend 70k, and one more of your kids absolutely hates the new school and is miserable? That is a very real possibility, especially if you're talking MS and upper elementary. It's not like younger kids. Consistency is really important at this stage.