S/O--Should the married men apologize to me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh you can’t make somebody apologize unless they’re your child. That’s weird.

But I would definitely tattle on them to their wives. You’re strangers, it won’t hurt your relationship, and the married guys deserve it for lying to you.

You missed that this is a spin-off.
Also, outing them to their wives requires a level of investment and time most people do not want to deal with. Usually, women want to get these losers out of their lives — NOT insert herself in their marriage. Plus there’s the very real possibility that the wife lashes out at YOU. Not worth it.

+1

No, you don't "deserve" an apology. Just don't deal with them and move on. That is it. It is not like you are the only one this happens to. Some men are dogs. They can be single. They can be married. Next.

[Anonymous]

So long as women have such a vastly lower sex drive than men, this imbalance will always result in men (including married men) "aggressively pursue" women for sex.

[Anonymous]

Why would the cheated on spouse deserve an apology from an OW?

They are strangers. Men cheat. Women cheat. Some men are dogs. Move on.

Seems like this can said of all parties involved regardless of their marital status.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely OP. You deserve an apology from the married men that pursued you and lied to you.

[Anonymous]

I don't get your post. When I was single, and still to this day, I am hit on by married men. It's not unique, most men are dogs, they will sleep with whomever they can. If you give them the sign, they will pounce. I assume you let on interest and are upset that they wouldn't leave their wife for you?

[Anonymous]

sounds like another middle aged women on a dating site trying to find real romance.

[Anonymous]

When I was single, and when I was married, I knew the line of what was I appropriate. I would intentionally shut it down and usually redirect to a conversation about their wife or children.

That said there are some very manipulative snakes out there - I don’t think it is wrong to want a snake to apologize for every person s/he poisoned. I also don’t think it is something to truly expect from a snake.

And yes, women cheat as often as men, but that is so irrelevant I’m tired of people nitpicking over it. Cheating is an issue of morality; what that looks like and whether it is a forgivable sin varies person to person.

I’ve thought a lot about this. My ex husband cheated on me often. It didn’t really bother me. Another LTR I am 97% confident that he was faithful, because he was brutally honest, I knew him well, and I knew how to keep him satisfied. If that person would have cheated, I would have forgiven them. They were so clear about their sexual needs that it was like I was brainwashed to think desiring variety didn’t interfere with our love and friendship. The partner I have now, if he were cheating I would never, ever, ever forgive him. Ever. He and I have been through too much and deceiving me in any way would bring the most painful of all curses upon his life if he dogged me out, I wouldn’t even risk being near him for the universal wrath that would be trickled over his life.

I think my correlation around tolerance for disloyalty was closely associated with my level of insecurity. As I became more secure in myself as a person and grew from unhealthy mindsets, I raised expectations for those around me too. I attracted people that were on my level and they became attractive to me. While I am firmly against infidelity, I’ve seen a lot of sides of it so tend to be far less harsh and condemning in my judgment in circumstances where people are struggling (or exploiting it).

[Anonymous]

When both single and married I was hit on numerous times by married men. I traveled a lot on business and the married guys were so obvious as to be sickening. I was never a ONS type of person so none of them stood a chance - even the single guys didn't. In terms of an apology why would you ever accept or believe in an apology from a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was single, and when I was married, I knew the line of what was I appropriate. I would intentionally shut it down and usually redirect to a conversation about their wife or children.

That said there are some very manipulative snakes out there - I don’t think it is wrong to want a snake to apologize for every person s/he poisoned. I also don’t think it is something to truly expect from a snake.

And yes, women cheat as often as men, but that is so irrelevant I’m tired of people nitpicking over it. Cheating is an issue of morality; what that looks like and whether it is a forgivable sin varies person to person.

I’ve thought a lot about this. My ex husband cheated on me often. It didn’t really bother me. Another LTR I am 97% confident that he was faithful, because he was brutally honest, I knew him well, and I knew how to keep him satisfied. If that person would have cheated, I would have forgiven them. They were so clear about their sexual needs that it was like I was brainwashed to think desiring variety didn’t interfere with our love and friendship. The partner I have now, if he were cheating I would never, ever, ever forgive him. Ever. He and I have been through too much and deceiving me in any way would bring the most painful of all curses upon his life if he dogged me out, I wouldn’t even risk being near him for the universal wrath that would be trickled over his life.

I think my correlation around tolerance for disloyalty was closely associated with my level of insecurity. As I became more secure in myself as a person and grew from unhealthy mindsets, I raised expectations for those around me too. I attracted people that were on my level and they became attractive to me. While I am firmly against infidelity, I’ve seen a lot of sides of it so tend to be far less harsh and condemning in my judgment in circumstances where people are struggling (or exploiting it).

That's a whole lot of crazy, trauma and dysfunction packed in that paragraph.

I am glad to see you have grown to expect more for yourself and not tolerate people disrespecting you. A lot of us were lucky enough to grow up in a home that fostered that so NEVER had a time (even with boyfriends in teen years) where we tolerated lying and cheating from a guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely OP. You deserve an apology from the married men that pursued you and lied to you.

Yes. Of course you deserve an apology. But you are not going to get one from people vile enough to lie and cheat like this in the first place. They will never feel bad about what they did.

[Anonymous]

Would love to see guys get outed by name for their predatory dishonest bs!!!! Sounds like an ap that would make a tone of money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would love to see guys get outed by name for their predatory dishonest bs!!!! Sounds like an ap that would make a tone of money!

Will they out the cheating women too?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been aggressively pursued, and lied to, by married men. I am single and find that it is morally offensive to approach me as a married man. You are lying about not having multiple sex partners and generally waste my time on useless dates. Should we require that married me be outed and apologize to the women they pursue?

It's funny, after I got divorced, how many women I dated had slept with married men. Some of them did it when they were married themselves. A few of the women had been fooled, and some guys are great at that charade. But many had done it willingly, knowing he was married. These were not typical low-class uneducated slut women either, many of them were professionals and WOC.

It was also interesting how many women I have met have slept with their boss for either a raise or a promotion. It explains a lot of what I have seen in the workplace.

Yuck that's because you need to raise the bar in life buddy. Screen them online before you meet for coffee fyi.

It doesn't speak well of anyone who surrounds themselves with low lifes. Food for thought!

I think he was just 'sleeping with them' so didn't care about their moral character or planning a future with them. Sad, but like 99% of men you will find on the Internet dating sites.

Women sleep with married men, and somehow I am the scumbag?

[Anonymous]

^ you haven’t been on here long. The vast majority of posters think that screwing married guys is ok. They didn’t take a vow is what they say.

Society. Ugh. It’s bad judgement and poor character to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ you haven’t been on here long. The vast majority of posters think that screwing married guys is ok. They didn’t take a vow is what they say.

Society. Ugh. It’s bad judgement and poor character to do so.

Anyone that has a husband that travels or works in an office is forewarned...they don’t care he has a ring on. In fact, it’s a challenge.