New guy wants kids

[Anonymous]

To be clear there isn't a "blending" if there is only one child. Blending is when people each have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you?

I'm 39. I have a 7 year old. He's 41.

I'd be wondering why he a guy who so badly wants a wife and kids hasn't managed to do so yet, and why he picked a 39 year old, not that women don't get pregnant post 39, but it's not easy . Also why is he pushing this with someone who doesn't want more kids. Something's not right here. Proceed with caution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating? If it's long enough to fall in love and you haven't, then break up with him now so you can each find someone who wants a compatible future.

This is a good question....and good guys are hard to find, especially for a single mom.

[Anonymous]

I am early 40s. I have 2 kids. I explicitly said on the second date with a man a few years younger that I do not want more kids and if he still wants his own child, I am not someone he should be dating.

I asked him very bluntly how he felt about kids. He said he had wanted kids in the past but at this point was not thinking he really wanted them anymore due to his age and the amount of effort it takes to raise kids and that finding the right person was more important.

We are still dating. I would not have been dating if he had said he really wanted kids. I would have said, you need to date age 30-35 ASAP. I actually did say that is what he should do if he still wants kids. He knew where I stood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am early 40s. I have 2 kids. I explicitly said on the second date with a man a few years younger that I do not want more kids and if he still wants his own child, I am not someone he should be dating.

I asked him very bluntly how he felt about kids. He said he had wanted kids in the past but at this point was not thinking he really wanted them anymore due to his age and the amount of effort it takes to raise kids and that finding the right person was more important.

We are still dating. I would not have been dating if he had said he really wanted kids. I would have said, you need to date age 30-35 ASAP. I actually did say that is what he should do if he still wants kids. He knew where I stood.

And he could still pull an Ashton Kutcher and dump the old broad down the road when he changes his mind and decides he does want his own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar position 5 years ago and I had two kids. I was in love and he was amazing with my two kids so I agreed to have another child even though I “was done”. Well, two years later we had twins and now I can’t imagine life without them even though it’s been pretty exhausting given I’m 38. A great guy is hard to find when you are a single mom.

Thanks for this. Any tips for successfully blending families? Or how to know if they’d be good to your existing kids? I’m really nervous about that.

We weren't blending families like the Brady Bunch and my two kids were only 4 and 6 and they were thrilled to have babies around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am early 40s. I have 2 kids. I explicitly said on the second date with a man a few years younger that I do not want more kids and if he still wants his own child, I am not someone he should be dating.

I asked him very bluntly how he felt about kids. He said he had wanted kids in the past but at this point was not thinking he really wanted them anymore due to his age and the amount of effort it takes to raise kids and that finding the right person was more important.

We are still dating. I would not have been dating if he had said he really wanted kids. I would have said, you need to date age 30-35 ASAP. I actually did say that is what he should do if he still wants kids. He knew where I stood.

And he could still pull an Ashton Kutcher and dump the old broad down the road when he changes his mind and decides he does want his own kids.

That is fine with me. I am not looking to remarry. I will enjoy a relationship as long as it works. But he is only 2 years younger. It is not a huge age gap. I do feel like if he really wanted kids, he would not be putting in that much effort with me. I don't think he does at this point. If he thinks his age is too old, he is not likely to change his mind as years go by. But if he does, that is fine.

[Anonymous]

But Ashton and Demi did have a baby. She lost the baby.

And he could still pull an Ashton Kutcher and dump the old broad down the road when he changes his mind and decides he does want his own kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, similar situation, several years out from divorce and honestly after y1 it was the best dating period of my life for so many reasons. There aren’t slim pickings of good (never married child feee) men and I was surprised the bachelors like you a lot because you’re real and not anxious to be wifed up. Younger guys too were a big surprise, also different races. Just go with the flow and don’t box yourself in. Also you’re not too old. You may end up like we did with an oops baby. If you are a good person with your stuff together, there is never a time when you aren’t attractive to someone, but you don’t want to make a mistake or waste time so really ensure you love your time alone and this man is worth anything requiring a divestment of your priority to make room. He needs to bring something to the table for you, and for your child, especially if you’re sharing a seat. If he makes it that far, whether you want more kids or not probably won’t be the main concern. You will both move the needle to accommodate each other.

In my experience this has been the best time of dating in my life. I met the love of my life and my entire view of what is possible changed. But you have to be in the right place or you will attract more of the same just with a fake veneer.

Keep your options open and just take it day by day without too much pressure on him or you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But Ashton and Demi did have a baby. She lost the baby.

And he could still pull an Ashton Kutcher and dump the old broad down the road when he changes his mind and decides he does want his own kids.

Any man or woman can do the same. This is why you need to focus on your character OP — and the character of those you attract. It all starts and ends with you. You could always dump him and leave for a lifestyle yachting with older men (maybe some even the same age?) if you want. The scales have never been so balanced for men and women before, and don’t forget DC is welcoming men from tech/finance in droves now. Just saying. Don’t let this small dcum sample size fool you. Reality is as good as you make it! Go slow, mom first, friend and lover next, family will come if that is what you both desire in a way that suits everyone.