Nanny Didn't Tell Us Her Child Was Sick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, did you build in a 2 week paid time off period during the year? Or more?

If so, please fire the dishonest nanny. You should have no trouble finding another one

if you did not, then please check your entitlement and privilege.

Yup - no doubt you would have been on here bitching about how inconvenient it was that your recently hired nanny was staying home to take care of a sick child so soon after starting.

Who is taking care of her child BTW - did you even bother to ask?

That's actually irrelevant in an employee-employer relationship, especially during a time of crisis. She's not being honest.

Wait what?

My medium size company has been bending over backwards to support all staff who are suddenly stuck at home full time with kids who have all kinds of extra needs right now.

You are saying someone with a nanny, which is a pretty intimate employment situation, shouldn't bother to know what arrangements that person has to take care of their own children? Especially in a time of covid? I find that sort of unfathomable but then I've never understand hiring someone else to sub in for me as a parent.

This is uncalled for and you know it.

As a working mom I have never had a nanny, but I'd feel it was crossing a boundary for a potential employer to ask, "and do you have kids? Who will take care of them while you're at work?" Targeted questions about potential sources of covid exposure are one thing, this "but how can you work AND parent?" stuff is another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the nanny give your children colds/stomach bug if she didn’t have one?

Yes, she should disclose if anyone in her bubble is ill because she may be asymptomatic but your nanny didn’t give your children their current illnesses.

The cold/stomach bug the kids have has all the symptoms of covid, and that is how covid often spreads, with asymptomatic carriers taking it between groups.

[Anonymous]

I'd be mad too. I also understand that I can't control other people or who they see, regardless of what they agree to or promise me. I can only control myself/my household. This is the risk you take having a nanny unless you have a live in who agrees basically to never leave. If she has a kid and the kid is being babysat by anyone, you have exposure. No way Grandma isn't going to church or bingo or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - no "entitlement or privilege" because we do pay her when she's not here and did build in sick time and holidays. Additionally, I actually did ask who was taking care of her child and she said that her mother who she was quarantining with was taking care of the child. The arrangement was that she is going only between our household and hers with just her mother and her child.

In both this post and the OP you seem to be insinuating that your nanny was lying to you about exposure. I guess maybe you think her daughter couldn't have become sick unless the nanny is lying about going out?

So, I think you have two problems here:

1) If you want the nanny to tell you when her own child has a cold, you need to use your words. She probably figured that since it was just a cold, and since she had childcare for the sick kid covered, that you would prefer having childcare over not having childcare. She didn't do anything wrong, but you need to make your expectations clear.

2) If you've had a nanny before, you know that when you hire a working class individual to become part of your household, the challenges of working class Americans become your challenges. In this case, the challenge is that it is likely impossible for your nanny to quarantine as tightly as you are doing. Multi-family dwellings, shared laundry spaces, the impossible economics of ordering grocery delivery. You have to understand that the convenience of having external help is going to be offset by having someone in your home who literally cannot control their exposure as easily as you can.

Thank you times a million. Ironically there have been threads here from employers who are annoyed that their nanny is more vigilant about covid than they are. We care givers can't win. We are expected to take care of sick children. We are exposed to our employers and have no idea if they are being honest with us about their exposure. We make a quarter or less what our employers make. And yes some of us have our own children!

[Anonymous]

Nanny’s entire family is not beholden or employed by you, OP. You can of course wish they are being careful in their personal lives but you have no control over your nanny outside of your house or her family. They - grandparent and child - are not in any sort of agreement with you as to how they conduct their lives. You seem to think otherwise so please check yourself.

You should have made it abundantly clear you’d like to her to stay home if anyone in her own house is sick. Lesson learned, now you all know.

[Anonymous]

+1 all of 8:19 & 8:38

If you want your nanny to stay home with her children are sick then you must tell her that is what you want. Do you have this kind of paid sick leave built into her contract?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family has been quarantining heavily (including having all groceries delivered due to my husband's illnesses). We very reluctantly hired a nanny so that we could get help managing distance learning and working from home. A few days ago, our kids started getting sick with sore throats, runny noses, and one child threw up. I notified our nanny via text that our kids were sick and she mentioned in her reply that her daughter had the same bug a few days before. I was beyond angry that she would come to our home and get the entire family sick (its now making its way to my husband and I) and never say a word about her child being ill. This is more than likely just a cold, but I now don't trust her to mention any potential COVID exposure or symptoms. When we hired her, she agreed to limit her interactions to our family. Am I overreacting in reconsidering having a nanny? The stress of having to worry about someone else's honesty and level of care is becoming difficult.

No, you aren’t overreacting. It’s a very real risk having someone coming and doing from your home and now knowing what’s going on in their own house. You just have to decide if that benefit/ risk is worth it for your family.

And that said, what does “limit interactions to your family” mean? You should have had a good feel for her lifestyle and how seriously she takes COVID upon hiring her. If you felt comfortable going forward that’s on you. That doesn’t mean she and her family will live like hermits to protect you and your precious family. The entitlement is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the typos. *going and *not

[Anonymous]

I would not have a nanny right now OP. It's a risk I would not take.

If you need a nanny, offer them paid sick leave for when they or a member of their household is ill. And make it generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny’s entire family is not beholden or employed by you, OP. You can of course wish they are being careful in their personal lives but you have no control over your nanny outside of your house or her family. They - grandparent and child - are not in any sort of agreement with you as to how they conduct their lives. You seem to think otherwise so please check yourself.

You should have made it abundantly clear you’d like to her to stay home if anyone in her own house is sick. Lesson learned, now you all know.

Seriously. Nanny employers have become completely out of control with their entitlement. Not only do they want their nanny's life to revolve completely around their (the employer's) family--but now all of nanny's family members are also obligated? I hope you are paying accordingly. I'd start at $300,000/year salary for the nanny and increase by $75,000 per family member who you expect to accommodate you.

[Anonymous]

I would love to hear OP's excuse when in the future her household gets the nanny or nanny's family sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the nanny give your children colds/stomach bug if she didn’t have one?

Yes, she should disclose if anyone in her bubble is ill because she may be asymptomatic but your nanny didn’t give your children their current illnesses.

Are you aware that germs can travel on clothing? Also, the nanny may have the same thing, but be asymptomatic.

[Anonymous]

Obviously a nanny with kids cannot limit her interactions to your family, because someone has to take care of her kids, and you have no control over that person. Just like you have no control over a nanny's spouse/live-in partner, or roommate, or anyone else in the nanny's household.

If you expected her to tell you when a member of her family -- not her -- was ill, and to stay home when any member of her family was ill (with full pay), then you needed to be really clear about that. Because I'd guess that her experience is that employers expect her to come to work unless she herself is ill (and that they are likely annoyed if she stays home).

Yes, it's a pandemic, but this is something that's been really ingrained in American workers -- you're supposed to drag yourself into work even if *you're* not feeling well, and you're really not supposed to inconvenience your employer by staying home for a sick kid.

[Anonymous]

OP I assume you have had your whole family tested for covid? Those are the exact symptoms for kids. Potentially the nanny’s child had something else, you don’t know. What you do know is at this point you are all
Contagious and could have covid so need to give the nanny paid time off until you are tested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the nanny give your children colds/stomach bug if she didn’t have one?

Yes, she should disclose if anyone in her bubble is ill because she may be asymptomatic but your nanny didn’t give your children their current illnesses.

Are you aware that germs can travel on clothing? Also, the nanny may have the same thing, but be asymptomatic.

Not really. Cold germs and covid germs are spread by droplets.

BUT I get the point. OP wasn’t concerned about her kids being sick but of the nanny not telling her when her child was sick in case it was covid.