New partner texts my neighbors, friends, and family

[Anonymous]

Does partner mean that you intend to be a couple forever or is it more like a boyfriend? I don’t think it’s weird that my DH texts my family without including me. Neither of us texts neighbors. What is he talking to these people about?
Why isn’t he on speaking terms with his neighbors? It’s like you’ve omitted most of the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does partner mean that you intend to be a couple forever or is it more like a boyfriend? I don’t think it’s weird that my DH texts my family without including me. Neither of us texts neighbors. What is he talking to these people about?
Why isn’t he on speaking terms with his neighbors? It’s like you’ve omitted most of the story.

no she did not omit, what she said is concerning enough. obviously your DH can text your family without including you, I sometimes text my SIL to ask how the family is doing (we live thousands of miles away from all the ILs), but we have been together/married 20 years. I supposed to have been with your husband a few years and he is your family, your family are his ILs. this guy is the "new" boyfriend. he seems to have a pattern of trying hard to be extra friendly and forge a relationship with people leaving the connecting person out (OP's family and friends leaving OP out, his brother's friends leaving the brother out). going to extra mile to befriend OP's neighbor even though OP does not have a good relationship. however, no relationship with his own neighbors. this is enough to conclude that this guy is trouble.

OP, sometimes people waste time trying to understand why other people do something weird. dont waste your time, this guy is weird, is behavior is not nice and you had a gut feeling that this is a red flag. that should be enough to just move on. find a nice person who makes you happy not somebody who makes you feel uneasy

[Anonymous]

OP here. We have been friends for a few years. Casually dated. Now it's more serious. He has a few longtime friends. He's awkward in some situations (but so am I!). I don't think he is on the spectrum, but he does things that i don't understand.

If he included me on these messages, i wouldn't be concerned. Or if he told me about the messages, I wouldn't care. But I find out accidentally and when I ask why he's doing it, he just says (for the neighbor), "she's a nice lady."

I think you all are right. It's time to figure out my exit strategy.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I have a sibling like this. Has trouble with boundaries and social cues; thinks everyone likes them when they're really just putting up with it because of our friendship.

[Anonymous]

Controlling behavior. Huge red flag. Run for the hills. This guy is bad news!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have been friends for a few years. Casually dated. Now it's more serious. He has a few longtime friends. He's awkward in some situations (but so am I!). I don't think he is on the spectrum, but he does things that i don't understand.

If he included me on these messages, i wouldn't be concerned. Or if he told me about the messages, I wouldn't care. But I find out accidentally and when I ask why he's doing it, he just says (for the neighbor), "she's a nice lady."

I think you all are right. It's time to figure out my exit strategy.

So it sounds like this issue may not be him texting the OP’s friends and neighbors but texting her FEMALE friends and neighbors.
He may be looking for the next thing. Sounds like a creeper, I’d dump him.

[Anonymous]

Run.
For the hills.

Thank me later.

[Anonymous]

Run, run, as fast as you can
Controlling and dangerous. I agree with previous poster who suggested notifying neighbors, family etc who he is befriending and tell them you are no longer dating his for safety reasons. Ask them to remove him from contact list and not give him any information about you. Break up in a public place and have a friend or relative nearby. You are being very naive, please end this relationship immediately. You are in a very strange, perhaps dangerous, relationship.

[Anonymous]

This shouldn’t even be in question. he is a wack job, you need to end it.

[Anonymous]

This is narcissistic abuse 101. He will be nice to all your friends, get you in a position where you can't break up with him and then start saying bad things about you to isolate you from your support network.

Dump him and tell everyone who has his number to stop talking to him.

Those that continue to talk to him - keep your distance from them and guard up. They are called "flying monkeys." Google "narcissism flying monkeys."

My ex husband did this to me and 4 years after I left him, I am still dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is narcissistic abuse 101. He will be nice to all your friends, get you in a position where you can't break up with him and then start saying bad things about you to isolate you from your support network.

Dump him and tell everyone who has his number to stop talking to him.

Those that continue to talk to him - keep your distance from them and guard up. They are called "flying monkeys." Google "narcissism flying monkeys."

My ex husband did this to me and 4 years after I left him, I am still dealing with it.

I’ve never heard of the flying monkeys thing, but that’s exactly what my xH did. And yea, I’m still dealing with it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is narcissistic abuse 101. He will be nice to all your friends, get you in a position where you can't break up with him and then start saying bad things about you to isolate you from your support network.

Dump him and tell everyone who has his number to stop talking to him.

Those that continue to talk to him - keep your distance from them and guard up. They are called "flying monkeys." Google "narcissism flying monkeys."

My ex husband did this to me and 4 years after I left him, I am still dealing with it.

I’ve never heard of the flying monkeys thing, but that’s exactly what my xH did. And yea, I’m still dealing with it, too.

Pp here. I am sorry. It is why I am so careful before I let any of the guys I date have too much of my information. Dating is less fun once you get hit with one of those. I walk away from guys so easily. No way I am letting that happen again.