Husband steals everything I do with kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people unnecessarily mean.

I’ve had this happen and it really sucks. Just as you start bonding over something with your kid, to have your husband come in and take it over feels very crappy. If it was a few times it would be easy to overlook but all the time? That’s tough.

I’m sorry OP.

OP here. This is exactly right. Everyone who thinks it is admiring or how great it is that husband wants to spend time with DC doesn’t get it. It’s almost like a power thing. My husband is very competitive and it’s like everything has to be “his”. And it’s not like my husband does it with DC and includes me. He takes it over and does it exclusively with DC.

Amateur. Use this to your advantage. You are mommy, no one and nothing can ever replace you - even unoriginal Daddy. I promise. USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

Can you expand on this? I definitely feel “replaced”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he breastfeed the kid too?

No but he would take him out of my arms and bottle feed him.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and the worst is when I have ceded power and control and we establish the routine of whatever childcare action...and then he gets bored. He cuts corners, gets sloppy and resentful. Then it's a power play to NOT do it. He wanted bedtime routine and now I have two kids with cavities. Everything he does is in opposition!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and the worst is when I have ceded power and control and we establish the routine of whatever childcare action...and then he gets bored. He cuts corners, gets sloppy and resentful. Then it's a power play to NOT do it. He wanted bedtime routine and now I have two kids with cavities. Everything he does is in opposition!

Mine undermines me. I say let’s do X amount of screen time. Husband agrees, but then secretly shows DC screen time of one of “their” things (that I introduced).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and the worst is when I have ceded power and control and we establish the routine of whatever childcare action...and then he gets bored. He cuts corners, gets sloppy and resentful. Then it's a power play to NOT do it. He wanted bedtime routine and now I have two kids with cavities. Everything he does is in opposition!

Mine undermines me. I say let’s do X amount of screen time. Husband agrees, but then secretly shows DC screen time of one of “their” things (that I introduced).

That's a totally different issue than what OP has posted about though.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know exactly what you are talking about. My ex does the same thing and it is because he's competitive and needs a lot of validation. I don't recommend sharing your frustration about this with others. You just get a lot of "Oh I wish my husband wanted to spend time with the kids!" responses.

It took a little while, but I've arrived at a place that I can focus on the fact that my kids are getting to do a fun or enriching activity with a loving parent. (My ex does love them.). It doesn't have to be with me, even if it was my idea. Life's not always fair.

[Anonymous]

I agree. Make vacuuming the house the next thing. Use this!

[Anonymous]

Solution- have another kid! We often split the kids so that they get one on one time with each parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Make vacuuming the house the next thing. Use this!

Husband is smarter than that, but thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, parenting isn’t a competition. You’re not in this for the yelp reviews. Why not use your fantastic ideas to think of things all three of you can do together?

Also, kids really don’t care which parent to takes them to the zoo or whatever. If you are afraid that I love you less because your husband is doing all the “best” activities, and you are really off-base.

Give us some examples of the kind of things are talking about, because it’s really hard to imagine how this is an issue.

+1 to all of this. I would be super happy that DH was spending quality time with the kids even if he was "stealing my activity ideas"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he breastfeed the kid too?

No but he would take him out of my arms and bottle feed him.

What!? He would remove the child from your breast and shove a bottle in his face? You should have shut that down real quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he breastfeed the kid too?

No but he would take him out of my arms and bottle feed him.

What!? He would remove the child from your breast and shove a bottle in his face? You should have shut that down real quick.

No my child was bottle fed both breast milk and formula. Husband used to take the breast milk bottles and feed him. I did shit that down because it was hard as hell for me to make any milk (supplements, constant pumping, etc but that’s another story) so he would give him formula bottles.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely not a competition. I promise you, your kid has enough love for both of you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really understand the dynamic you’re describing, but it sounds super tiresome. You have my sympathies! I would face it head on and point it out, instead of ignoring it.

[Anonymous]

Have another kid. Meanwhile use this to your advantage. Whatever you want your husband to do with the kid, model it