Have you ever taken your child's friend so they can finish HS in place?

[Anonymous]

My BF (then and now) moved into our house during our senior year because of her home life. It was a pretty ad hoc arrangement although I think if any medical or other emergency had come up, my parents would have contacted her parents.

I wouldn't say it saved her life but it certainly was great for her mental health and ability to graduate.

[Anonymous]

I had friends that did this in HS. Our parents all worked at a large employer that did a massive layoff -- they gave employees a choice between a RIF or a relocation to pretty undesirable locations. We were all at a really good public high school, and the move would have been really tough for those kids. My father took the RIF to not move us to a freezing cold rural area.

Anyway, a friend from school--whose parent didn't work there-- took in TWO kids whose parents had to move. One was the same gender as the friend, and shared the friend's room; the other was a different gender and took the guest room. They were crowded, but it was only for about six months, minus the school holidays when they went to visit their parents.
I'm not sure why one parent didn't stay behind, but I think they had younger siblings and the parents didn't want the younger siblings to be single-parented by the parent who got transferred. Plus of course the expense of maintaining two households.

I think it worked because all three kids were super easy-going and rule-following teens who did well in school. I think it would be really hard if any of the teens were going through a rebellious phase, or were prone to depression, or needed a lot of micro-management in school. I don't know if the parents of the kids did anything like kick in money for groceries--I'm sure their grocery bill doubled adding two teens including a boy.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend in San Francisco who took in her child's friend for the covid lockdown. The kids were very happy.

[Anonymous]

NO
Far too many risks
Not worth any of the risks
You do not need reasons to say, "no"
Virtually ALL families would have a preference to keep their household - just their family - even before covid

Of course your DS wants to help his friend
Of course the friend is asking around

^ that doesn't change anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO
Far too many risks
Not worth any of the risks
You do not need reasons to say, "no"
Virtually ALL families would have a preference to keep their household - just their family - even before covid

Of course your DS wants to help his friend
Of course the friend is asking around

^ that doesn't change anything

Put down the wine. This is not Covid related.

[Anonymous]

My sister and her family did this for two different young men who were friends with my nephew. Both ended up staying until they joined the military and treat my sister as a second mom. It is a really kind thing to do for a kid who needs a place to stay for a few months whatever the reason.

[Anonymous]

We took one child for 4 weeks so she could finish the term before moving with her family. That was no problem.

We took another child in increments throughout a school year. He moved between 3 families so no one was "burdened" with a long say and families could deal with their own needs. One family did have a better physical setup so he stayed there the most. There was a family situation and a parental death so the school and a social worker were involved. He had his own money and cell phone but we all provided meals and everything "home" related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only concern would be what do you do about weekends away and vacation time? Do you just assume you you take him? And incur all related expenses? Altho I guess with Covid maybe this is a non issue. Aside from that I would do it.

Most families with high school kids don't do a lot of "weekends away." By high school a lot of kids are busy with their school's sports, drama, music, etc. that the kids are involved with on the weekends.

My husband's sister lived with a friend's family for her senior year. My FIL was active duty military and got transferred to the opposite coast.

I don't think hosting a kid's friend for a year is that much different from hosting an exchange student (which my own family did several times while I was growing up.) On longer breaks the kid will go stay with his own family.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this years ago. There ended up being much more to the story - and my mom was trying to navigate drugs and sex with a kid that wasn’t her own. They ended up sending him back to his parents - so just make sure you know what you are really taking on.

[Anonymous]

Someone did this for my DH his senior year of high school and it made a huge difference in his life. Thank you for considering opening your home.

[Anonymous]

We moved during our son's senior year and I'm very grateful for the families that took him in so he could finish high school. In our case, I feel like the burden was eased a bit on the host families since DS was 18 and had his own health insurance, credit card, and one of our cars. He also played a sport and was very busy. I tried to be in town as much as possible, and had a long term rental after our house sold, but we didn't allow DS to stay there alone. It wasn't ideal but it worked out and DS is very close to the main family that hosted him. DS never got in trouble when he was staying with the other families, I think he knew it just wasn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. We let a boy who was a friend of DD's live with us for almost a year. We gave him a list of House Rules that all our kids have to follow. And we gave him a second list of things that would get him kicked out of our house within 24 hours. His parents gave a notarized note to his pediatrician that we would be bringing him if he needed it.

The worst thing that happened was that he was wrestling with one of our kids and they broke a lamp. Shit happens when you have kids - it was not a big deal. It's been 8 years since he lived with us for high school and we're still in touch, and he and DD are still friends.

[Anonymous]

It would 100% depend on my relationship with the kid and the parents. If I though the kid were wonderful and unlikely to cause any problems I'd be inclined to say yes. But only if I had a good relationship with the parents too. That would concern me about your situation, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would 100% depend on my relationship with the kid and the parents. If I though the kid were wonderful and unlikely to cause any problems I'd be inclined to say yes. But only if I had a good relationship with the parents too. That would concern me about your situation, OP.

I haven't bee friends with my oldest's parents in years, I know who they are, have their contact information and we're cordial/friendly, but don't hang out. I have other friends, and the kids haven't needed us to coordinate for them in a long time.

[Anonymous]

In the Orthodox Jewish community, it is not uncommon for kids whose families live in small Jewish communities to board with families in larger communities in order to attend a suitable high school. The parents of the boarding student pay a set amount to the boarding family.

From what I hear from friend who have done this, it seems like the most important thing is to be transparent about expectations around money, household rules, privacy (or lack thereof), authority, chores, cleanliness standards, and relationships.