Have you ever taken your child's friend so they can finish HS in place?
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Anonymous
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Our teen came to us recently regarding his close friend finishing out the HS year with us as his family is moving and wants to limit disruption to them I have a million questions and check offs in mind but wanted to hear from others in a similar situation.
1. Our kids have been close friends for a long time and they has spent a lot of time at our house 2. We are not friends with the parents because the kids manage their own friendship, it's limited to having the parents contact information in my phone 3. I am aware of the various legalities involved and would explore those further 4. It would change the family dynamic, of course 5. What if the kids have a falling out I have a much longer list, but if you have done this, any advice? |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t do it. I think you are kind to consider it but too many things can go wrong. |
Anonymous
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I ended up basically moving in with a friend during my senior year and it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It started just because of logistical issues (I drove, my friend didn't, she lived a lot closer to the school, same extracurriculars, etc.) but my friend's family welcomed me with open arms and her parents became like 2nd parents to me. I moved into the guest bedroom, helped with chores, tried to keep peace between my friend and her little brother, and also tried to respect their space and be a good guest. I'm guessing that our parents talked more than I'm aware of, but they definitely weren't close at the start.
My friend and I had been close prior to senior year, but living together with her family is what shifted us to best friends/sisters. We have an amazing bond and have always been able to share and help each other process pretty much anything that life throws at us because we understand each other so well. Our situation was much different than what you're proposing since I could always have just gone back home if there were any issues, but I will always be grateful to my friend's parents for taking me in. |
Anonymous
| Slightly different situation, but we took in one of my DS's friends who was living in an abusive household. He turned 18 a few weeks before his senior year started, and his father had kicked him out. He was still in HS, though, so he had no where to go. It worked out very well. Definitely no contact with the young man's father (who was the abuser -- mother is dead). We worked with the school counselor and social worker to figure out logistical stuff. |
Anonymous
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How many months are we talking about? Is this for this year only or would this be more than one year?
I’d probably be ok with 1-3 months maximum, but this is very child and family dependent. Also, do you think this is an option that the other family even has on its own radar? It could very possibly be the child not happy about moving and trying to find options to stay, and his parents may not even know this is cooking and may not even agree to leave him. |
Anonymous
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I haven't done it, but I know people who have.
You can work out the legal elements. It isn't that different from having an exchange student. |
Anonymous
| I would probably do it. My husband was in that situation senior year and someone took him in (girlfriends family). He was in a really bad situation. Legally, just have them sign a POA. If they provide health insurance its enough but you may need legal guardianship to put him on your health insurance. |
Anonymous
The parents said it was an option to the child. Obviously we'd vet it with the parents but we need to come to terms with it as a possibility before engaging the parents. I don't want to get the friend's hopes up unless we are on board provided the other parents agree to the terms. |
Anonymous
Thank you for the tip to work with the GC as well |
Anonymous
| If my child’s friend was in this situation and we had space, I would try to make it work. Lay down some ground rules ahead of time (chore expectations, time in the shower, curfew) and give it a shot. You could change someone’s whole life for the better. |
Anonymous
| My only concern would be what do you do about weekends away and vacation time? Do you just assume you you take him? And incur all related expenses? Altho I guess with Covid maybe this is a non issue. Aside from that I would do it. |
Anonymous
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I would be overwhelmed with the legal implications - medical situation, school finding out, college application process, how much "parenting" is acceptable, what if the kid damages my property, expenses incurred, and the list goes on.
I am actually a bit surprised by this. The parents would rather leave behind their kid at someone's house then, say, have 1 parent stay behind and finish off the year with their kid? |
Anonymous
And that is on my checklist, especially during a Pandemic. My gut says yes, but that's just the gut, there are a ton of logistics. |
Anonymous
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A HS friend of mine stayed behind and lived with another friend’s family for senior year when her family moved to a different state.
In retrospect there was a lot going on at home I didn’t know about and she is now estranged from some of them. I don’t know the details. But I know it worked out really well for her and the family she stayed with for the year. |
Anonymous
There's paper work for the majority of this. School finding out? Of course they would know. It's not kidnapping, it's a legal arrangement. The parents are still parents (insurance, college, etc) this is not disrupting the kid's life if possible, if the parent's have an unforeseeable job change, or the like |