Is mom being unreasonable? Or am I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, full time jobs, and a second home just over 2 hours from our primary residence (with no traffic) and drive there almost every weekend. So I think you’re being a bit silly that a 2 hour trip is not easy. If you do it more often it will become easier. Also, is she unable to drive to you? You’re both being a bit unreasonable.

I was going to say this exact same thing, right down to the number of kids and the frequency of which I go to my weekend home. And, OP, there really hasn't been beach traffic since Covid. In another year, you could have pulled that card, but not this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, full time jobs, and a second home just over 2 hours from our primary residence (with no traffic) and drive there almost every weekend. So I think you’re being a bit silly that a 2 hour trip is not easy. If you do it more often it will become easier. Also, is she unable to drive to you? You’re both being a bit unreasonable.

I was going to say this exact same thing, right down to the number of kids and the frequency of which I go to my weekend home. And, OP, there really hasn't been beach traffic since Covid. In another year, you could have pulled that card, but not this year.

Wow must be nice. Regular people can’t be at their (or anyone’s) beach houses every week.

[Anonymous]

Lead with what you can do, then put t on her: "We can come for Christmas, if everyone quarantines and stays healthy. If you want to also come in late October, you are more than welcome. What dates work for you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, full time jobs, and a second home just over 2 hours from our primary residence (with no traffic) and drive there almost every weekend. So I think you’re being a bit silly that a 2 hour trip is not easy. If you do it more often it will become easier. Also, is she unable to drive to you? You’re both being a bit unreasonable.

+1 I don't see how a 2 hour drive is that big of a deal. It can take me 45 minutes to an hour to drive my kids home from school in DC in normal times. So a little bit more than that and they would be at Grandma's? That seems like a no-brainer.

Some of us arranged our lives so we’re not spending hours driving everyday. Just because your standard workday involves wasting your life in a car doesn’t mean everyone wants that life. Driving 2 hours each way is significant for me and I would find it tiring to do this frequently. Besides why isn’t her mom visiting HER? In what universe is it easier for FOUR people to travel than ONE person. Common sense.

[Anonymous]

This is how boundaries work, OP. You get to control how often you go. But you don’t get to control how your mom feels about it. You can do want you want but you can’t expect your mom to be happy about it.

[Anonymous]

wait, so she can travel out of the country but she can't drive to see you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, full time jobs, and a second home just over 2 hours from our primary residence (with no traffic) and drive there almost every weekend. So I think you’re being a bit silly that a 2 hour trip is not easy. If you do it more often it will become easier. Also, is she unable to drive to you? You’re both being a bit unreasonable.

I was going to say this exact same thing, right down to the number of kids and the frequency of which I go to my weekend home. And, OP, there really hasn't been beach traffic since Covid. In another year, you could have pulled that card, but not this year.

Wow must be nice. Regular people can’t be at their (or anyone’s) beach houses every week.

+1. Who would do our house chores on the weekend? Our grocery shopping? Meal prep for the week? Are we supposed to cram it all in Monday through Thursday while we both work full time and parent two toddlers?

Mother can drive to OP once a month. OP can drive to her once a month. Alternate so it's not as much of a burden on anyone.

[Anonymous]

How often does she visit you?

2 hours isn't that long. Does she have space in her home for all of you? Could you visit for 4-5 days and work from her home?

If my parents lived two hours away, we'd probably see them once a month or every two months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, full time jobs, and a second home just over 2 hours from our primary residence (with no traffic) and drive there almost every weekend. So I think you’re being a bit silly that a 2 hour trip is not easy. If you do it more often it will become easier. Also, is she unable to drive to you? You’re both being a bit unreasonable.

I was going to say this exact same thing, right down to the number of kids and the frequency of which I go to my weekend home. And, OP, there really hasn't been beach traffic since Covid. In another year, you could have pulled that card, but not this year.

Wow must be nice. Regular people can’t be at their (or anyone’s) beach houses every week.

+1. Who would do our house chores on the weekend? Our grocery shopping? Meal prep for the week? Are we supposed to cram it all in Monday through Thursday while we both work full time and parent two toddlers?

Mother can drive to OP once a month. OP can drive to her once a month. Alternate so it's not as much of a burden on anyone.

I must have better time management skills because yes I do get everything done from Monday to Thursday plus find time to workout everyday and deal with my SN child’s therapy and school issues. My point though is that this isn’t a time issue. OP just needs to be honest about where it falls on her priority list. As a PP said, boundaries are great but then she just has to be ok with her mother’s reaction.

[Anonymous]

She can't drive? If she can, tell her that it goes both ways. Why didn't she come see you?

[Anonymous]

OP - shorten your post, and send it to her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

wait, so she can travel out of the country but she can't drive to see you?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, full time jobs, and a second home just over 2 hours from our primary residence (with no traffic) and drive there almost every weekend. So I think you’re being a bit silly that a 2 hour trip is not easy. If you do it more often it will become easier. Also, is she unable to drive to you? You’re both being a bit unreasonable.

I was going to say this exact same thing, right down to the number of kids and the frequency of which I go to my weekend home. And, OP, there really hasn't been beach traffic since Covid. In another year, you could have pulled that card, but not this year.

Wow must be nice. Regular people can’t be at their (or anyone’s) beach houses every week.

They can also afford cleaning service, so no chores on weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, full time jobs, and a second home just over 2 hours from our primary residence (with no traffic) and drive there almost every weekend. So I think you’re being a bit silly that a 2 hour trip is not easy. If you do it more often it will become easier. Also, is she unable to drive to you? You’re both being a bit unreasonable.

I was going to say this exact same thing, right down to the number of kids and the frequency of which I go to my weekend home. And, OP, there really hasn't been beach traffic since Covid. In another year, you could have pulled that card, but not this year.

Wow must be nice. Regular people can’t be at their (or anyone’s) beach houses every week.

They can also afford cleaning service, so no chores on weekend.

We have plenty of chores, but we don’t go to our country house every weekend, and we manage our time so we get things done as needed. I do a lot of shopping/cooking/meal prep on weekends in the country and bring things home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, full time jobs, and a second home just over 2 hours from our primary residence (with no traffic) and drive there almost every weekend. So I think you’re being a bit silly that a 2 hour trip is not easy. If you do it more often it will become easier. Also, is she unable to drive to you? You’re both being a bit unreasonable.

+1 I don't see how a 2 hour drive is that big of a deal. It can take me 45 minutes to an hour to drive my kids home from school in DC in normal times. So a little bit more than that and they would be at Grandma's? That seems like a no-brainer.

Some of us arranged our lives so we’re not spending hours driving everyday. Just because your standard workday involves wasting your life in a car doesn’t mean everyone wants that life. Driving 2 hours each way is significant for me and I would find it tiring to do this frequently. Besides why isn’t her mom visiting HER? In what universe is it easier for FOUR people to travel than ONE person. Common sense.

NP. Perhaps her mom, being older, doesn't feel comfortable driving in DC traffic? That seems to be a common sense notion that didn't occur to you. And it is fun for kids to get away to go see Grandma. Another common sense explanation that doesn't seem to fit your "it's all about me" paradigm. I can't believe that you're such a precious snowflake that a 2 hour drive would be significant and tiring for you. Sheesh.