Divorce after 15 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He cheated with men.

WTH? there’s no indication of anything weird like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red flags here. Also, why would you want to date a man with kids? Especially such young kids. Do not waste your time.

Pray tell what are the red flags? He wears the scarlet D? Big deal. Lots of people get divorced. It sometimes hits the guy out of the blue with the unhappy wife he didn’t know was unhappy. Or, he was a cheating jerk. Either way she will learn and accept him at face value.

Well, if he didn’t know the wife was unhappy then that is a red flag.

Are you kidding me? That is the number one reason for divorce. Google it. There is a whole section of books on this. The woman keeps thinking she’s telling him to improve and he’s thinking he’s doing it right and she divorced him. Google and read anything by Michelle Wiener Davis.

I’d guess the wife thought children would change him and he didn’t meet her expectations. Now the ex can try to find a better man which will be difficult and this guy learned his lesson and will make an awesome next husband.

[Anonymous]

This was my friend. Her husband was a workaholic that changed jobs every few years in different countries, moving them around. They had two young kids and her husband complained that she didn’t take care of him. Most grown adults know little kids are hard and take a lot of energy and takes a toll on marriage. She took care of everything at home because her husband worked CRAZY hours - 5:30am-10pm, weekends too. Then he filed for divorce. Come to find out later he was having an affair for a year before he filed for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He cheated with men.

WTH? there’s no indication of anything weird like this.

I think that poster was saying what happened to end her own marriage. You know, answering the question OP asked. Not speculating on the potential reason for OP’s friend’s divorce.

[Anonymous]

16 years of marriage. Ex-H cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most likely infidelity - him or ex-wife. #1 reason for divorce

+100

[Anonymous]

Does he have 50/50 custody? Anything less than 40% and the guy couldn’t deal with the kids - midlife crisis. He will never admit it, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well either someone cheated, he's abusive, lying about being divorced or he's a slouch. With kids that young, something doesn't add up... it takes over a year to get divorced. So he started this with a newborn or while she was pregnant?!

More likely his wife (aka SuperMom) lost all interest in sex.

[Anonymous]

Married at 24 for 17 years, 8 years of those childless. Why did we divorce? Well, the short answer is that ex never accepted my post-baby body. I lost all the weight after having kid #1 but after kid #2 I had trouble losing it. I lost all my confidence in the bedroom and that certainly didn't help. Ex went through mid-life crisis and decided cause of all his misery was me. Divorce was ugly.

So if you want kids, don't date my ex unless you're sure you can lose the weight.

[Anonymous]

Married over 10 years and strongly considering divorce. No abuse or infidelity. I believe nothing can prepare you for what it will be like to have kids, and with a particular partner, until you have them. Society pushes having kids and does a crappy job of showing how much physical, emotional, and financial work they really are, and the US in particular does a shit job of supporting families and parents.

10-15 years is a peak time for a spouse to be fed up with a cycle of resentment and/or lack of sex because of these things. I think it's as simple as that for many.

[Anonymous]

I just filed, so I'll give you my story. Married at 22, pregnant at 35, then husband got "dream job" offer in a different city. We moved when I was 20 weeks pregnant to a city where I knew no one except his sister, who is one of the most-absorbed dolts I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. I struggled mightily, and he didn't care. I agreed to an apartment I didn't like on the grounds that "it'll only be a year," and any time I tried to bring up moving to a different space, he told me I should just be happy where I am. I suffered significant childbirth injuries, and he didn't care. I had no network as I tried to navigate motherhood and recovery from these injuries, and he didn't care. When I finally got a job, he still expected me to carry 100% of the load when it came to kid and home. For 4 years, I struggled every single day, and his only response was "too bad."

I knew I wanted a divorce, but I did not want to do it in the city we were in. And if I divorced him there, I'd be stuck until our kid was 18.

I got a job back in DC (March 2 was my first day, yeah.....). I gave it 6 months and realized, no, I do not love this person. I do not respect him. And he doesn't respect me, despite his claims. So I said "I'm done." My only regret is I didn't divorce him 10 years ago, long before the kid came along, long before I gave up everything for a move that came close to destroying me, when the thought first crossed my mind.

[Anonymous]

It’s not a good sign that they got pregnant after separating.

[Anonymous]

I’ve dated a lot of divorced dads. And have some divorced female friends. It seems like money and lack of fair household chore balancing are often tension points. Which is ironic because then they both have less money due to having to run two households, and the husband if he gets fifty fifty has more child rearing duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Guy is fully divorced with young kids. Date away. If he’s way to hung up on his ex wife or they are still fighting that is bad. If they are civil and he has a good schedule and you like him go for it. Not complicated.

+1

I don't see red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve dated a lot of divorced dads. And have some divorced female friends. It seems like money and lack of fair household chore balancing are often tension points. Which is ironic because then they both have less money due to having to run two households, and the husband if he gets fifty fifty has more child rearing duties.

It makes sense though. I remember once when my husband went to a conference abroad and was gone for a week. The house was so much cleaner, kids were the same, and I finally had time to unwind in the evening—it was like a vacation! (We had a heart and drastically changed things after that, but it was really eye opening.)