Best tips for surviving a Borderline Mother?

[Anonymous]

You already survived? I don’t understand the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wonder, if you are emotionally healthy, is it not possible to have compassion for your own mother? I really am curious. My mother is likely NPD, but I have a lot of empathy. She had a crappy childhood, depression, poverty and she tried her best to be a good mom. To this day, I have had a hard time with her, but I also take a very compassionate view and think how horrible it must be for her to feel the way she does every day. I just can't believe how many people on DCUM hate their moms. Have most of you "diagnosed" your mothers through your own therapists?

I'm the OP who moved to another continent. I have compassion for myself first. I'm sure you have a lot of empathy and if you want to be a martyr who takes crap from a NPD mom, then good for you. But the rest of us realize that we need to put ourselves first and I refuse to be my mom's emotional punching bag (used to be both physical and emotional).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:cut out completely

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wonder, if you are emotionally healthy, is it not possible to have compassion for your own mother? I really am curious. My mother is likely NPD, but I have a lot of empathy. She had a crappy childhood, depression, poverty and she tried her best to be a good mom. To this day, I have had a hard time with her, but I also take a very compassionate view and think how horrible it must be for her to feel the way she does every day. I just can't believe how many people on DCUM hate their moms. Have most of you "diagnosed" your mothers through your own therapists?

I don't hate my mom, I love her very much.. I've just learned to love myself. This is why I had to go no contact. It is not healthy for me to get abused over and over again.

My mom had a horrible childhood and I understand why she is the way she is. However this does not give her permission to abuse me. She did that to me as a defenseless child. That stopped when I got therspy and leaned that love is not abuse.

More power to you that you enjoy having abuse rained down on you in the name of compassion. . Most humans don't enjoy that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wonder, if you are emotionally healthy, is it not possible to have compassion for your own mother? I really am curious. My mother is likely NPD, but I have a lot of empathy. She had a crappy childhood, depression, poverty and she tried her best to be a good mom. To this day, I have had a hard time with her, but I also take a very compassionate view and think how horrible it must be for her to feel the way she does every day. I just can't believe how many people on DCUM hate their moms. Have most of you "diagnosed" your mothers through your own therapists?

Depends on the level of cruelty and abuse you endured. In my case, two of my immediate family members died as well so it is likely a more complicated situation than your own mom who “tried her best”.... for people who have been through real abuse, it is healthier to have the boundaries in place than go down with the sinking ship. You just don’t understand.

+1

For some of us, it’s not just having a parent that says cruel things. Kind of hard to “Forgive” someone who stalks you, hits you, actively tries to turn your nuclear family against you, tries to have you arrested, etc. There are different shades of crazy.

[Anonymous]

It was only when i practiced as a therapist and worked closely with people that I truly saw the degree of sadism some (often traumatized) individuals have and moreso, they way they will feel compelled to play it out with other people. Other people includes children, siblings, spouses, co workers, etc. It is no joke being close to people like this. It is unsettling and difficult even as a trained person who had many built in boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wonder, if you are emotionally healthy, is it not possible to have compassion for your own mother? I really am curious. My mother is likely NPD, but I have a lot of empathy. She had a crappy childhood, depression, poverty and she tried her best to be a good mom. To this day, I have had a hard time with her, but I also take a very compassionate view and think how horrible it must be for her to feel the way she does every day. I just can't believe how many people on DCUM hate their moms. Have most of you "diagnosed" your mothers through your own therapists?

I’m a DIL, but I find I can have compassion at a distance. When MIL is spewing her venom at me, or giving her son the silent treatment for some imagined offense, it’s hard to feel empathy in that moment. My dh finally went very low contact with her for his on emotional well-being. We pay some of her bills, and do what we can from a distance, but she’s just too damaged a person to maintain a normal relationship with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was only when i practiced as a therapist and worked closely with people that I truly saw the degree of sadism some (often traumatized) individuals have and moreso, they way they will feel compelled to play it out with other people. Other people includes children, siblings, spouses, co workers, etc. It is no joke being close to people like this. It is unsettling and difficult even as a trained person who had many built in boundaries.

Thank you for posting this.