Do you go on solo vacations?

[Anonymous]

So they don't want to do what you want do, but don't want you to go do what you want to do on your own, either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, we always go together but I do enjoy going with another couple because there are parts of every trip my husband has no interest in (window shopping etc.) and lunch/dinner conversation is always livelier. Solo is also bad in that I've always enjoyed vacation sex in first class hotels....and only with my husband.

My DH thinks I'm a different woman when we stay at a Four Seasons. He's right!

[Anonymous]

We are empty nesters and if we had very different interests I'm sure we'd consider it but I wouldn't travel solo. I have traveled to Italy, Paris and China with my daughters when they were college age. I don't recall my husband ever taking a guys trip beyond a 3 day golf weekend. He will do a mission trip every year for a week but that is definitely not a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Send him get away on our own every couple of years - girlfriend trips overseas for me and golf, reunion or volunteer trips for DH.

Whichever spouse in the OP can’t hold the fort down for a week on his or her own sounds insufferable. This is how divorces happen - by not listening to the other one and trying to find compromises around what’s important for each person.

[Anonymous]

I’m more okay with a spouse taking the kids on vacation if the kids and parents share an interest that one spouse doesn’t. This way, the spouse who stays home gets to stay later at work, sleep, have some grownup time.

I’m not okay at all with one spouse literally jetting off to go off on wonderful trips leaving the other spouse home with the kids.

Parenting solo is mentally, physically and emotionally exausting.
Trips have to be planned in advance so if there has been a rough period with the kids, the house, health, it’s not like the traveling spouse can or would just stay home.

I also couldn’t stand seeing my husband get excited about a trip that I didn’t get to share. A friend yes, a sibling yes, a parent yes, but not a husband. That isn’t why I got married.

I am the only person who is legally and morally allowed to share a bed with my husband, and I am going to be the one who enjoys trips with him.

I also think that the spouse who travels looses touch with the family. It’s very much like a g-rated affair.

This morning my husband, kid and I were talking about some yard work we have to have done. My husband was grumbling about it, I was trying to reassure him, and our kid said something incredibly funny that has had me chuckling all day.

I can guarantee you that conversation wouldn’t have happened if my husband was getting ready for a solo vacation, on a solo vacation or just coming back from a solo vaction.

Also too, know that it isn’t just the time away that matters. It’s dealing with flight delays and the expectation that the spouse who stays home will care for the spouse who just came back.

What this looks like is something like this “I’d like to see a movie on Sunday. It’d be a great way to relax with spouse. I’d buy tickets, but wait, the plane might be delayed, or my spouse may come home sick as a dog and not want to go out”.
So now you don’t get to go on vacation together but you also don’t get to plan for and enjoy normal family activities.

Finally, the spouse who takes the vacations knows what they are doing. It is difficult for the stay home spouse to find friends to take similar trips.

Once you get past a certain point in life, especially with kids, your friends have less free time, or they prefer to take joint vacations, or one of their spouses says “I don’t mind going to Jack and Jill’s house, but I think it’s weird Jill takes solo vacations, so no way would I be okay if you went with Jack to spring training, I’m not sure I trust how he’ll behave”.

Most people want to keep the peace within their marriage so will decline a trip from the friend who’s spouse is always off traveling.

Note too the contempt in this thread. The op’s husband is so lame he has to fly his parents in to help. He’s so lame he has no friends who want to travel with him?

It’s not a way a spouse should portray their beloved.

If it really was just about a solo vacation, that might be fine, though it really is as some of the comments on the thread demonstrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So let him fly in his parents. It's annoying that he can't handle it on his own, but If it means you get to do your style vacation then I would go. I would also try to figure out a way to compromise because I think vacationing as a family is important

This.

I love traveling with friends. Though my spouse can take care of our children when I'm gone. We alternate a bit now because they are so little it's easier for one of us to take care of them. So we've done some things on our own (most visiting our own friends other places, not exotic vacations) and done a few things together. Our kids are finally old enough to spend a few nights with grandma and have it be fun (not stressful) but of course there's a pandemic so no travel this year.

It's all about balance. If you want to do your thing, he gets to do his thing, and you also all do a family thing. The personal trips may not happen yearly (unless you are rich and have lots of time off).

[Anonymous]

Before we got married we took a bunch of vacations together and we really liked similar trips. I have gone with GF’s to places he did not want to go such as China but we always enjoy traveling together. We really enjoy traveling with friends because it creates more energy and we can split up and do girl versus guy things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m more okay with a spouse taking the kids on vacation if the kids and parents share an interest that one spouse doesn’t. This way, the spouse who stays home gets to stay later at work, sleep, have some grownup time.

I’m not okay at all with one spouse literally jetting off to go off on wonderful trips leaving the other spouse home with the kids.

Parenting solo is mentally, physically and emotionally exausting.
Trips have to be planned in advance so if there has been a rough period with the kids, the house, health, it’s not like the traveling spouse can or would just stay home.

I also couldn’t stand seeing my husband get excited about a trip that I didn’t get to share. A friend yes, a sibling yes, a parent yes, but not a husband. That isn’t why I got married.

I am the only person who is legally and morally allowed to share a bed with my husband, and I am going to be the one who enjoys trips with him.

I also think that the spouse who travels looses touch with the family. It’s very much like a g-rated affair.

This morning my husband, kid and I were talking about some yard work we have to have done. My husband was grumbling about it, I was trying to reassure him, and our kid said something incredibly funny that has had me chuckling all day.

I can guarantee you that conversation wouldn’t have happened if my husband was getting ready for a solo vacation, on a solo vacation or just coming back from a solo vaction.

Also too, know that it isn’t just the time away that matters. It’s dealing with flight delays and the expectation that the spouse who stays home will care for the spouse who just came back.

What this looks like is something like this “I’d like to see a movie on Sunday. It’d be a great way to relax with spouse. I’d buy tickets, but wait, the plane might be delayed, or my spouse may come home sick as a dog and not want to go out”.
So now you don’t get to go on vacation together but you also don’t get to plan for and enjoy normal family activities.

Finally, the spouse who takes the vacations knows what they are doing. It is difficult for the stay home spouse to find friends to take similar trips.

Once you get past a certain point in life, especially with kids, your friends have less free time, or they prefer to take joint vacations, or one of their spouses says “I don’t mind going to Jack and Jill’s house, but I think it’s weird Jill takes solo vacations, so no way would I be okay if you went with Jack to spring training, I’m not sure I trust how he’ll behave”.

Most people want to keep the peace within their marriage so will decline a trip from the friend who’s spouse is always off traveling.

Note too the contempt in this thread. The op’s husband is so lame he has to fly his parents in to help. He’s so lame he has no friends who want to travel with him?

It’s not a way a spouse should portray their beloved.

If it really was just about a solo vacation, that might be fine, though it really is as some of the comments on the thread demonstrate.

Ok crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m more okay with a spouse taking the kids on vacation if the kids and parents share an interest that one spouse doesn’t. This way, the spouse who stays home gets to stay later at work, sleep, have some grownup time.

I’m not okay at all with one spouse literally jetting off to go off on wonderful trips leaving the other spouse home with the kids.

Parenting solo is mentally, physically and emotionally exausting.
Trips have to be planned in advance so if there has been a rough period with the kids, the house, health, it’s not like the traveling spouse can or would just stay home.

I also couldn’t stand seeing my husband get excited about a trip that I didn’t get to share. A friend yes, a sibling yes, a parent yes, but not a husband. That isn’t why I got married.

I am the only person who is legally and morally allowed to share a bed with my husband, and I am going to be the one who enjoys trips with him.

I also think that the spouse who travels looses touch with the family. It’s very much like a g-rated affair.

This morning my husband, kid and I were talking about some yard work we have to have done. My husband was grumbling about it, I was trying to reassure him, and our kid said something incredibly funny that has had me chuckling all day.

I can guarantee you that conversation wouldn’t have happened if my husband was getting ready for a solo vacation, on a solo vacation or just coming back from a solo vaction.

Also too, know that it isn’t just the time away that matters. It’s dealing with flight delays and the expectation that the spouse who stays home will care for the spouse who just came back.

What this looks like is something like this “I’d like to see a movie on Sunday. It’d be a great way to relax with spouse. I’d buy tickets, but wait, the plane might be delayed, or my spouse may come home sick as a dog and not want to go out”.
So now you don’t get to go on vacation together but you also don’t get to plan for and enjoy normal family activities.

Finally, the spouse who takes the vacations knows what they are doing. It is difficult for the stay home spouse to find friends to take similar trips.

Once you get past a certain point in life, especially with kids, your friends have less free time, or they prefer to take joint vacations, or one of their spouses says “I don’t mind going to Jack and Jill’s house, but I think it’s weird Jill takes solo vacations, so no way would I be okay if you went with Jack to spring training, I’m not sure I trust how he’ll behave”.

Most people want to keep the peace within their marriage so will decline a trip from the friend who’s spouse is always off traveling.

Note too the contempt in this thread. The op’s husband is so lame he has to fly his parents in to help. He’s so lame he has no friends who want to travel with him?

It’s not a way a spouse should portray their beloved.

If it really was just about a solo vacation, that might be fine, though it really is as some of the comments on the thread demonstrate.

The OP’s situation isn’t that she’s excluding her family from a trip they really want to go on so she can go blow all their money, detach from reality, and make her DH do work she feels above doing herself. It’s about a trip she wants to go on, her DH doesn’t want to go, so either she talks him into going and he’s miserable, or she doesn’t go for years (or ever). If they take turns taking their own solo vacations, it’s fair.

Your example about how that moment with you both experiencing your kid making a comment also could’ve been missed just by being at the office. You don’t have to be out of the country to miss life moments. My husband travels a lot for work (pre Covid), and the last thing he wants to do in his free time is travel. If I want to take the kids to visit family, or if I need to get away for some time alone, or take a vacation so I can experience something he doesn’t want to, that’s fair. No one is forsaking our marriage vows or having pseudo affairs by traveling.

[Anonymous]

I vacationed alone a few times and it was heaven.

[Anonymous]

If you have very different interests then solo vacations are fine but you need to have real consideration for the one left behind. If the one left behind works full time you need to provide some additional support to keep him/her from going nuts especially if you have young children. I remember going to Italy once to a cooking school with GF's for a week and with three young children I made sure that things would run smoothly while I was away given my husband had a C-suite job. He was able to reduce his hours a bit but he needed support. He's never gone on a solo vacation excluding a few 3 day golf trips and that's been easy for me to handle. I went to China once for 10 days but our kids were teens so they all survived with my husband around.