Dementia and the crazies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL said she is trying to figure out what to do with the rest of her life: go back to school or have another child.

I think this kind of thing is interesting. There's a UK actress who was a star in the 60's / 70's in the Carry On films. She was then in EastEnders for years playing the landlady of a pub. If she and her husband watch the show she turns to him and says "I used to work behind that bar" - not "I used to act on that show".

The whole aspect of what the mind chooses to keep information wise and what it discards is interesting.

And I do think caregivers need to laugh. If people find it "cruel"they really need to just get off the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL said she is trying to figure out what to do with the rest of her life: go back to school or have another child.

I think this kind of thing is interesting. There's a UK actress who was a star in the 60's / 70's in the Carry On films. She was then in EastEnders for years playing the landlady of a pub. If she and her husband watch the show she turns to him and says "I used to work behind that bar" - not "I used to act on that show".

The whole aspect of what the mind chooses to keep information wise and what it discards is interesting.

And I do think caregivers need to laugh. If people find it "cruel"they really need to just get off the thread.

The social worker we’ve been working with said that people with dementia usually go back to ages 25-30. I’m worried because I dated some horrible guys. But a few that were AMAZING in bed. I really don’t want to be talking about that with DH if I end up with dementia

[Anonymous]

While visiting my father in the memory care unit, another resident kept calling me by some unknown woman's name. Apparently, she thought I was this woman but kept saying how fat I had become. Her daughter who was visiting at the same time was mortified and mouthed "sorry" but I laughed and told her not to worry. It was funny.

[Anonymous]

My Mother called to tell me she was at a political rally in Brasil. She had gotten separated from my Father and was scared.

-no idea where that came from. No South American heritage.

[Anonymous]

My Father leaned over to me and asked, "do you have to make a speech?"

"Do I?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While visiting my father in the memory care unit, another resident kept calling me by some unknown woman's name. Apparently, she thought I was this woman but kept saying how fat I had become. Her daughter who was visiting at the same time was mortified and mouthed "sorry" but I laughed and told her not to worry. It was funny.

This is hilarious! You're a good sport.

[Anonymous]

When I would visit Dad at Memory Care I usually brought something-a favorite food, a cute card and he always said "Merry Christmas!" and "Peace on Earth."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL said she is trying to figure out what to do with the rest of her life: go back to school or have another child.

I think this kind of thing is interesting. There's a UK actress who was a star in the 60's / 70's in the Carry On films. She was then in EastEnders for years playing the landlady of a pub. If she and her husband watch the show she turns to him and says "I used to work behind that bar" - not "I used to act on that show".

The whole aspect of what the mind chooses to keep information wise and what it discards is interesting.

And I do think caregivers need to laugh. If people find it "cruel"they really need to just get off the thread.

The social worker we’ve been working with said that people with dementia usually go back to ages 25-30. I’m worried because I dated some horrible guys. But a few that were AMAZING in bed. I really don’t want to be talking about that with DH if I end up with dementia

I worked as a charge nurse in nursing homes for a decade. Women always talked about their babies and worried they wouldn’t get home in time to get their kids off the bus and cook dinner. Men talked about their military service (if applicable) and that early adulthood time of life also

[Anonymous]

My MIL is convinced my FIL is cheating on her because “whenever he goes out fishing he never catches any fish so what is he really doing??”

Sometimes you cry and are distraught, sometimes you have to laugh. Dementia is a terrible illness but caring for and/or being around someone with dementia is exhausting and sometimes it helps to find the humor in certain aspects of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my grandmother and my mother had dementia. None of this is funny.

+1. None of my family members had/has dementia but I find these postings cruel.

All you need to do is leave the thread. Allow those of walking the walk to vent and cope. I would MUCH rather see people make these jokes here and be able to be kind to their loved one, than try to please YOU and then explode and be abusive toward a challenging elderly.

Has your parent ever had a temper tantrum at you?

Has your parent ever tried to hit in a delusional rage?

Has the person ever accused you of being with the FBI?

Has the person ever yelled at you for letting all these imaginary bugs crawl all over the table?

No? Well then clearly you have no business judging. Oh maybe you have experienced this day after day week after week and you never once complained or joked? Would you like a gold star or a certificate? Trophy perhaps? Congrats! You are better than we are! Now go write a book and tell us how it's done.

Great post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my grandmother and my mother had dementia. None of this is funny.

+1. None of my family members had/has dementia but I find these postings cruel.

Then you have no idea...no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my grandmother and my mother had dementia. None of this is funny.

+1. None of my family members had/has dementia but I find these postings cruel.

All you need to do is leave the thread. Allow those of walking the walk to vent and cope. I would MUCH rather see people make these jokes here and be able to be kind to their loved one, than try to please YOU and then explode and be abusive toward a challenging elderly.

Has your parent ever had a temper tantrum at you?

Has your parent ever tried to hit in a delusional rage?

Has the person ever accused you of being with the FBI?

Has the person ever yelled at you for letting all these imaginary bugs crawl all over the table?

No? Well then clearly you have no business judging. Oh maybe you have experienced this day after day week after week and you never once complained or joked? Would you like a gold star or a certificate? Trophy perhaps? Congrats! You are better than we are! Now go write a book and tell us how it's done.

Great post.

To the PP— go away! Come back once you’ve watched in video from hundreds of miles away your delusions Mom beat up your frail Dad because of a perceived affair from 45 years ago. And had to call Adult Protective Services on her. And hear them say, yes she should be commuted, but we can’t because it’s dementia not mental illness. Then spend the night watching video feed scared to death she is going to stab him while he is sleeping. Only to drive the next morning for hours to get to the magistrates office. Where you have to beg—BEG— the guy to commit your mom for evaluation. When what he wants you to do is charge her criminally for adult and send her to jail.

Once you’ve done that, then you might have a leg to stand on judging us as we go through one of the worst thing imaginable. It’s been absolute hell. And sometimes you have to laugh about it.

[Anonymous]

Knowing my relative well, she would have found some of the stuff she believed to be hilarious, if she was in her right mind. We did everything we could to take good care of her. Sometimes this including playing along with delusions to calm her down. For instance, when she was men in palm trees outside hanging christmas lights, my mom told her that she'd hired the men to do that and they'd be done soon. Telling her it wasn't happening just made her upset and agitated.

We have many, many stories of playing along. These have become family lore, not just because they're humorous, but because they show us coming together to care for a grandmother we loved deeply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL said she is trying to figure out what to do with the rest of her life: go back to school or have another child.

I think this kind of thing is interesting. There's a UK actress who was a star in the 60's / 70's in the Carry On films. She was then in EastEnders for years playing the landlady of a pub. If she and her husband watch the show she turns to him and says "I used to work behind that bar" - not "I used to act on that show".

The whole aspect of what the mind chooses to keep information wise and what it discards is interesting.

And I do think caregivers need to laugh. If people find it "cruel"they really need to just get off the thread.

The social worker we’ve been working with said that people with dementia usually go back to ages 25-30. I’m worried because I dated some horrible guys. But a few that were AMAZING in bed. I really don’t want to be talking about that with DH if I end up with dementia

Your social worker does not get dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my grandmother and my mother had dementia. None of this is funny.

+1. None of my family members had/has dementia but I find these postings cruel.

All you need to do is leave the thread. Allow those of walking the walk to vent and cope. I would MUCH rather see people make these jokes here and be able to be kind to their loved one, than try to please YOU and then explode and be abusive toward a challenging elderly.

Has your parent ever had a temper tantrum at you?

Has your parent ever tried to hit in a delusional rage?

Has the person ever accused you of being with the FBI?

Has the person ever yelled at you for letting all these imaginary bugs crawl all over the table?

No? Well then clearly you have no business judging. Oh maybe you have experienced this day after day week after week and you never once complained or joked? Would you like a gold star or a certificate? Trophy perhaps? Congrats! You are better than we are! Now go write a book and tell us how it's done.

Great post.

To the PP— go away! Come back once you’ve watched in video from hundreds of miles away your delusions Mom beat up your frail Dad because of a perceived affair from 45 years ago. And had to call Adult Protective Services on her. And hear them say, yes she should be commuted, but we can’t because it’s dementia not mental illness. Then spend the night watching video feed scared to death she is going to stab him while he is sleeping. Only to drive the next morning for hours to get to the magistrates office. Where you have to beg—BEG— the guy to commit your mom for evaluation. When what he wants you to do is charge her criminally for adult and send her to jail.

Once you’ve done that, then you might have a leg to stand on judging us as we go through one of the worst thing imaginable. It’s been absolute hell. And sometimes you have to laugh about it.

Its not hell for you as you are not doing anything but taking phone calls. Some of us live with this for years and are the daily full time care takers. Sometimes you have to step back or you go insane.