Meeting boyfriend's kid
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Anonymous
| Single father here...too early, especially for that age of the child. You two are still in the honeymoon stages of dating and he wants to add a whole other level of complexity, which I find a little alarming. Are you his first serious relationship since his ex? General consensus is 6 months and I agree with that. If you haven’t done so already, as others have mentioned, ask directly about certain topics. What is the status of the divorce and/or custody agreement, and is it on paper. Is co-parenting with the ex running relatively smoothly. All things you need to know and fully consider yourself before even thinking about meeting the kid. I have tons of other tips but check back in a few more months. |
Anonymous
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I would wait a little longer. I don't know that a 6 year old needs to meet a parent's BF/GF after only a few months.
Would this just be an introduction? Is he leaning towards the 3 of you spending time together? What do you want? I agree with questions about his relationship with his ex. |
Anonymous
| I am a divorced parent and I don’t think me or my ex would ever introduce someone to our children only 90 days into a relationship. That is an alarm bell for me, OP. Not for his liking about you, but more about his judgment in general. |
Anonymous
Yes, that's exactly it to me, too. |
Anonymous
| I see no problem with dating, but you don’t need to involve yourself children so young unless you KNOW you two want to be together long term. I dated my SO for a year before, and even then we would do things together as friends and without affection for several months. You have to extremely slow with children, and each situation will be difficult. 6 is a very tender age to do this. |
Anonymous
| No, you two aren't serious enough. Didn't introduce until 6 months and we were discussing next steps (engagement). Worked out great for us, my som loves him to bits and pieces. |
Anonymous
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First, let me say that being a stepmom has been one of the greatest joys of my life so I am clearly all in favor of dating a man with children.
But in your case, for the child’s sake, you have to give your relationship more time and become far more serious. DH told his daughters about me long before they met me so they weren’t shocked. I didn’t meet them until we were unofficially engaged. And even then we took it slow and on their terms. |
Anonymous
| Three months is WAY too soon. I say this as someone with kids, who married someone with kids. We did not introduce our kids until we'd been dating a year. And the first time we did it, we kept it VERY short, like two minutes. The second time was like 10 minutes. Third time was a couple of hours. We took things VERY slowly. First for us to make sure about US, and then to give them time to get used to it all. |
Anonymous
| I agree with 6 + months to meet the kids, make sure your relationship is solid. But, You can't move forward in a relationship if you and the kids don't click. Like I would never agree to be engaged without meeting the kids or them meeing mine, and spending sometime together. |
Anonymous
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Just to clarify an earlier post. Take it slow and see how you feel about bf without the kid being a focus. It’s one thing to ‘meet’ his kid but not clear how involved you would be over time. It might be useful for you to meet so you can decide if you really want this as they will be a package |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I once went two dates with a *separated* guy with three young kids who wanted our third date to be an activity with said children. I ended the relationship.
At 35, OP, its likely that you will meet people with kids. I personally dont think 3 months in is too early for a casual intro, like let's grab lunch together, but its early to introduce you as a partner/girlfriend. I do echo others in caution: I did marry someone, later, with a child, and we have kids of our own together as well. Let me just say that parenting is no picnic but its much harder being a step. And, there are no guarantees. I was naive about my spouse's kids issues and how profoundly we would all be impacted by them. Learn about the child, about the relationship with the ex, etc. But i went from being a highly independent, educated professional with little baggage (no kids, no divorces, financially secure, stable family) to suddenly having lots of baggage, ongoing drama, high medical expenses etc. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't have my kids around anyone unless we were almost engaged.
OP it's much easier to find someone without kids and start your own family. I wonder how many gf's this kid has been exposed to. |
Anonymous
| My route was a bit different as I’m a pediatrician and I knew his two young children well before I met him. We did date for a couple of months before I met them socially and since I knew his ex who brought them in for their appointments it went well because we had a good professional relationship. |
Anonymous
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Do you want kids of your own OP? At only 3 months I think it’s easier to jump ship and find someone who’s not a parent and start your own family.. I know that sounds crash, but when you marry someone with kids you commit to having his kid AND his ex in your life for a LONG time. It’s truly like having an extra set of in-laws. I have kids and I see how all consuming it can be. I could not provide that level of love/attention/sacrifice for someone else’s kids. I just couldn’t. I think that’s where all the “horrible stepmom” stereotypes come into play. Until you have kids |